07.06.09

We are creative when we give joy, love and help to others and to ourselves. If your lemonade isn't sweet enough, add more of your program. ~Keep It Simple

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Today I am grateful...

• for a quiet, air conditioned holiday weekend
• for the desire to be sober and to stay sober
• for everything that brought me to where I am today
• to be open to receiving more
• to be open to letting more go

And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Stalker

8" x 22", acrylic on canvas

07.05.09

Our illness pushes us to be prefect. In recovery, we learn that we are free to be what we are--human. ~Keep It Simple

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Today I am grateful...

• for summer memories as a kid. My birthday, my friend Gary's and my brother's were all within two weeks of each other. We used to spend a couple weeks at the lake house and have a combined party. Then there was the time sister So was bitten by a copperhead...that wasn't fun.
• for Bill R's memorial at the Rothko Chapel (see pic above)
• that there are so many outreach programs for gay teenagers. I could have so much benefited from one when I was young.
• for a Sunday of full spirit

Here we turn outward toward our fellow alcoholics who are still in distress. Here we experience the kind of giving that asks no rewards. Here we begin to practice all Twelve Steps of the program in our daily lives so that we and those about us may find emotional sobriety. When the Twelfth Step is seen in its full implication, it is really talking about the kind of love that has no price tag on it. ~12 & 12

Rampart

20" x 20", acrylic on canvas

07.04.09

Freedom does not guarantee any specific result, and that is in fact its beauty. Instead, freedom gives you the priceless opportunity to create your own results. ~Ralph Marston

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Today I am grateful...

• for the freedom of recovery
• that my mental capacities are better after a few years of sobriety, but my brain is still scrambled from all the alcohol abuse. It does get a little better as the days pass.
• for the countless things done for me that I cannot do for myself
• that I have a path, that I am willing to follow that path

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less. ~unknown

07.03.09

Life is too short to spend it miserable. An excellent way to abate misery is to look at what you are blessed with. Unclench your angry fist, hold it up, and use your fingers to name five things you are grateful for. (P.S. we mean now!) ~Pocket Sponsor

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Today I am grateful...

• that these days I can act responsibly in public
• for endless new music
• for the creativity of human beings. I am constantly astonished.
• that I can have my cake and eat it too, providing I have done the next right and loving thing, stayed spiritually fit and thanked my Higher Power
• that this weekend we celebrate the birth of the United States of America. You can read her astrological chart here. Very interesting.

Today I am an alcoholic. Tomorrow will be no different. My alcoholism lives within me now and forever. I must never forget what I am. Alcohol will surely kill me if I fail to recognize and acknowledge my disease on a daily basis. I am not playing a game in which a loss is a temporary setback. I am dealing with my disease, for which there is no cure, only daily acceptance and vigilance. ~Daily Reflections

Happy Birthday, Bill!

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It's birthday time on Planet Bill!!!

07 + 02 = 09

In our illness, we were out of control. This was because we wouldn't live from moment to moment. ~Keep It Simple

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Today I am grateful...

• that it's my friend Bill's birthday!
• that I did get some sleep, although it was more elusive last night than it has been in a long time. My mind was quiet, I was comfortable, but Morpheus was busy elsewhere I reckon.
• that The Fashion Show is finally getting interesting. Issac and Kelly are just so boringly monotone.
• for the memories of 33 years ago this weekend when I was in NYC with Frances and Curtis to celebrate the Bicentennial. We had such fun.

Avoid the tendency to presuppose that things will turn out for the worse. Thank you for helping me keep an open mind so that I am able to see other solutions to my situations and then give me the determination to make a difference when I can. We take for granted so much of what God has planned for us. May I have sufficient preparation to meet the challenges of today and rejoice in the person that I am. ~Daily Inspiration

I haven't a clue...

07.01.09

Learning when and how to say no is a very important part of our recovery. Most often, the person we need to say no to is our self. ~Food for Thought

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Today I am grateful...

• for a good nights rest
• that I got some stuff cleared up yesterday that was keeping me in fear and anxiety
• that I did not get sick after eating some freshly bought ham that I noticed after I had eaten several pieces was severely discolored on one side and although it didn't taste nasty, it was scary looking. Since I am not able to throw up at will, I had to pray when I went to bed to not get sick. I am hoping I am in the clear now.
• that I was able to make a lab and a follow-up appointment this morning. There have been no available appointments for weeks.
• that we have a dynamic speaker for today's Hump Day meeting

Stretch your arms. Push the lid off the box. Get out into the world. Walk around. Move about. See the hills, the lakes, the forests, the mountain peaks, the valleys, the rivers. See how big your world can be. See how connected everything is. See how connected you are, too-- to all that is. Make yourself comfortable, wherever you are. Make yourself a home and be at home in the world. God, help me relax and make myself at home in your beautiful world. ~The Language of Letting Go

06.30.09

The clouds will clear and the way will lighten. The path will become less stony with every forward step I take. ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

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Today I am grateful...

• for a great birthday yesterday. Two naps, a meeting, lunch / fellowship, iced coffee, popsicles, cards & sussies, dinner with my old gang, two hours of True Blood, prayers and restful sleep.
• to thank you all for the good wishes
• that we did get a little break last night, it rained maybe 15 minutes
• for the love and joy in my life

Forget your old ideas. Forget the lies they told you. Forget them all, and you will begin to remember. ~Marianne Williamson

My First Birthday Cake

06.29.09

We then start the lifelong job of letting them (our shortcomings) go. To accept our human limits leads us to our Higher Power. We see how we need a guide in life. ~Keep It Simple

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Today I am grateful...

• for 55 years in this body
• that I seem to have mostly gotten to the other side of the fear and mental racing of the past few days. It feels, in many ways, a breakthrough of sorts. Sharing yesterday at the group level really let me cast those fears to the side.
• for friends who listen
• for the sounds of Liam (landlady's son) playing in the back yard. We now have a full-fledged playground out there.
• that Belle's obsessive ball behavior seems the perfect foil for a 2-year-old's energy
• that I have more than I need today
• that in all my years in this body, the last one has been the best

We must make many choices in our recovery. Some of these will strengthen our character, for they will be hard to make and sometimes even harder to accept. One of the most meaningful sayings in our program is Let go and let God. We understand its true meaning when we are faced with adversity and we feel needlessly hurt.

If we are to let go of a problem, we must feel in our hearts that no matter what the outcome, our Higher Power has a special purpose for us. We may not be able to see that purpose now, but if we let our Higher Power guide us, we will be guided down the right path. If we do our best to detach from our pain and try to see a more peaceful future, we will feel secure in God's hands. Given this security, we'll be free to direct our energy toward positive, healthy choices that will bring us more of the happiness we deserve. ~Today's Thought

06.28.09

When we are tempted by the bait, we should train ourselves to step back and think. We can neither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint has become automatic. ~Bill W

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Today I am grateful...

• that today's meditations are just what I needed
• for prayers to be shown the next right and loving thing
• for Boston's call last night which took me right out of my self
• for the program of AA. It works!

We need to practice being human. Humans aren't perfect. In Steps Six and Seven, we face our human limits and our shortcomings. We then start the lifelong job of letting them go. To accept our human limits leads us to our Higher Power. We see how we need a guide in life. Our Higher Power makes a perfect guide. ~Keep It Simple

06.27.09

We neither ran nor fought. But accept we did. And then we were free. ~Bill W

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Today I am grateful...

• that the events of yesterday will push me into action about a situation that needs to be resolved
• that I am uncomfortable emotionally at this moment, but nothing I cannot deal with. I meet with my sponsor this morning.
• that the past week is coming to a close. Life stuff, this oppressive heat, the weirdness of what's being broadcast on TV. It has all been surreal and uncomfortable.
• that a painting will go home today with its Mystery Date
• that life can be real and surreal, ugly and beautiful, scary and healing...all at the same time

Learning acceptance in sobriety is part of the growing-up process. Along with learning to accept things we cannot change, however, we learn there are some things we don't have to accept. Living sober gives us the power and confidence to make such changes. ~Walk in Dry Places

06.26.09

Sending love ahead to everyone you will meet and everything you will do can ensure that your day is suffused with grace. ~Daily Om

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Today I am grateful...

• that I chose a life of quiet over the glare of fame or publicity
• that sometimes in meetings the disease is screaming so loudly for attention it almost knocks me down, so I just sit there and let it race around the room
• that in sobriety I have a place in life
• that today I am not afraid to stand in my place, to voice what is my truth
• that more than likely today I will have enough
• for the sustaining power of God

Our mental and emotional garbage takes the forms of bad memories, festering resentments, and useless regrets. We waste time berating ourselves and others about bad decisions and experiences that are behind us. The magic of the 12 Step program is that we can use it to transform this mental garbage into useful experience. A past mistake can become as asset when we share it with others. Pain and suffering can teach a lesson that helps all of us to grow. ~Walk in Dry Places

The Virus Houses

12" x 12", acrylic on canvas

06.25.09

It is good to have an end to journey towards, but it is the journey that matters, in the end. ~Ursula K. LeGuin

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Today I am grateful...

• that whatever it is I don't have to do it all today
• that lately, though it's been hard to continue, I keep blogging. I am a bit burnt out for the past few days.
• for the bliss of air conditioned interiors. I cannot believe this heat.
• that I have enough for today--have always had enough for every day.
• for continued prayers to have my thoughts rearranged today, from those of a crazy drunk to those of a sober man in recovery. My mind desperately wants to agitate me today with its thoughts.

Progress, not perfection. No matter how long you have been in recovery, no matter how long you have worked the steps, you will never raise above the level of human being. ~Pocket Sponsor

06.24.09

Whatever we do, one thing is sure -- if we turn to our program, we'll see how beautiful the world is. ~Keep It Simple

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Today I am grateful...

• to have celebrated a close friend's freedoms last night
• for good examples
• that last night was the first time someone has asked me, "You can't even have just one drink?" Then I had the pleasure of saying "No."
• that I have been given time and experience
• that gratitude keeps my head above water

Today I see my value. Sobriety has restored my dignity. Today I am in touch with that part of me that is noble. Today in my sobriety I am a spiritual somebody, not a nobody. ~Fr Leo

06.23.09

Enough willingness, enough open-mindedness--and there it is! ~Bill W

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Today I am grateful...

• for sobriety and serenity. In that order.
• to have more at my disposal than I ever dreamed
• that a life filled with gratitude reveals a life of abundance
• that being kind and gentle makes my life a whole lot easier
• that I am hard headed and my Higher Power somehow managed to crack my thick skull

I am not a victim of others, but rather a victim of my expectations, choices and dishonesty. When I expect others to be what I want them to be and not who they are, when they fail to meet my expectations, I am hurt. When my choices are based on self-centeredness, I find I am lonely and distrustful. I gain confidence in myself, however, when I practice honesty in all my affairs. ~Daily Reflections

06.22.09

What upsets you is not what happens. What upsets you is your response to what happens. ~Ralph Marston

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Today I am grateful...

• to continue to send prayers for my nephew, who just keeps on fighting his disease
• that I finally--FINALLY--found it easier to surrender than to keep the fight going
• that this heat wave will pass, but in the mean time, it's difficult
• for smiles that start in the heart
• that everyday I am given a reprieve
• that all my old thoughts of my drinking days, those thoughts about alcohol and maintaining have been replaced with thoughts of recovery
• that in sobriety I have a place in life

The only way to keep calm in this troubled world is to have a serene mind. The calm and sane mind sees spiritual things as only temporary and fleeting. That sort of mind you can never obtain by reasoning, because your reasoning powers are limited by space and time. ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

06.21.09

If we think of discipline in terms of punishment, we miss the more constructive meanings of the word. Discipline is order, training, practice, and study. Without it, our lives are ineffective and full of chaos. ~Food for Thought

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Today I am grateful...

• that I woke at 8:50 AM, had some iced coffee and made it to the Came to Believe meeting, chaired by our own Daave
• for late night conversations with an AA brother and my dear sister, Trailboss
• for my commitment to blogging daily
• that I am going to the Marlene Dumas show at the de Menil Museum. Today is the last day for the show.
• that AA had to be enough, and I am lucky it IS enough for me

Discipline is a tool, which produces self-respect and a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction. When we discipline ourselves ... we achieve physical and emotional results, which make our spirits, sing! The discipline ... liberates us from the tyranny of self-will and self-indulgence. ~Food for Thought

Red Bunny

06.20.09

You have received so much from this program that you should have a vision that gives your life a direction and a purpose that gives meaning to each new day. Let us not slide along through life. Let us have a purpose for each day and let us make that purpose for something greater than just ourselves. ~Bill W

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Today I am grateful...

• that I was awake enough this morning to hear the sizzling sound of coffee hitting the hot plate on the coffee maker. Something caused the drip part to stop dripping and instead it started seeping over the edge of the basket. I stopped it immediately, but it was still a mess. Coffee grounds have to be one of the messiest things to clean up.
• to have known Bill R. He was one of the founders of the Lambda Center here--the first LGBT recovery meeting club houses. He struggled off and on for over 35 years to stay sober. He lived in the complex where J and R live, where I have spent many hours. He was a talented musician. He got sober the last time about four years ago, but stopped going to meetings because he didn't want to face his character defects. That's not heresay, he told me that. When we returned from dinner last night the street was littered with emergency vehicles. A neighbor had found Bill dead, fully clothed, lying on the floor of his living room. His rescue dog, Lady, at his side. He saved that sweet pup from her misery of abuse--she became a dog that loved life and became totally unafraid at the hands of her master, Bill. I know she was healing for him, too. Bill was a devout atheist and had trouble with the God thing in AA. He always seemed sad to me. Now I know he is past his sadness and perhaps is smiling now, knowing and being in his truth on the other side. God speed, Bill. Yesterday was Juneteenth and was Bill's sobriety date.
• that with Bill's passing comes a recognition that I am on the path I am supposed to be traveling
• that things are good in God's economy (I love that expression!)

You are asking yourself, as all of us must: 'Who am I?' ... 'Where am I?' ... 'Whence do I go?' The process of enlightenment is usually slow. But, in the end, our seeking always brings a finding. These great mysteries are, after all, enshrined in complete simplicity. The willingness to grow is the essence of all spiritual development. ~Bill W

06.19.09

If you tell the truth, you don't need to remember anything. ~Mark Twain

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Today I am grateful...

• for the sweetness of air conditioning in this sweltering heat
• that I can look today for something to turn over to the eternal One
• that I am not usually known for being overly dramatic
• that God opens doors, it’s up to me to walk through them
• for having more in common with others than I expected

People's responses to life inspire us. We not only acknowledge the pain, but we see the heroic lives of others around us. They met their limitations and went forward with a willing spirit and faith. Today we can be grateful for the progress we have made in overcoming our suffering. We have friends who give us the joy of human contact. We have choices and possibilities where we never saw them before. We have a growing self-respect as men. ~Touchstones

Time Will Crawl

20" x 20", acrylic on canvas

06.18.09

Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers; it comes from being open to all the questions. ~Earl Gray Stevens

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Today I am grateful...

• that I was able to be of service when Dave asked me to stand in for the speaker who had to cancel last minute yesterday. Every time I have told my story I have not had time to prepare, thus less nervous time.
• that I live the life of a privileged king compared to the lives of many in this world
• for my Internet radio
• that today I have the means and the desire and the ability to stay sober another day
• that today came along just in time

Whatever situation I'm in today, if I know I'm on the right path, I'll not be swayed by the opinions and comments of others. Their opinions cannot affect me if I know I'm doing the right thing. ~Walk in Dry Places

The Burden of an Ordinary Song

14" x 11", acrylic on canvas

06.17.09

You can make your life a triumph in spite of every adversity. Or you could make your life a mess in spite of every advantage. ~Ralph Marston

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Today I am grateful...

• that I am back to doing artwork for me. Finished a small painting last night (will post it later).
• to not have to search sordid places for enough or more
• that every day I concentrate on turning things over and letting them go in an attempt to express my gratitude to my Higher Power. I strive for trust.
• for prayers for those who no longer come to meetings at Lambda. There are newcomers that will not know their experience, strength and hope.
• for the strength and encouragement working the program of AA has given me

We in A.A. have the privilege of living two lives in one lifetime. One life of drunkenness, failure, and defeat. Then, through A.A., another life of sobriety, peace of mind, and usefulness. We who have recovered our sobriety are modern miracles. And we're living on borrowed time. Some of us might have been dead long ago. But we have been given another chance to live. ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

06.16.09

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. ~Joseph Campbell
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Today I am grateful...

• to have this day and all it holds
• that I might have an easier day if I set aside the differences and focus on the similarities
• for another day to develop a spiritual connection
• that as today unfolds I am filled with gratitude

A lot of alcoholics say: "Well there's us, and then there's normal people." Read my lips: There are no normal people. There are just people who haven't shared with you yet. ~Ken D

06.15.09

Insecurity is not objective. Rather, it is an emotional interpretation of your value unconsciously based on doubt, shame, and fear. ~Daily Om

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Today I am grateful...

• that I reacted like a sober and sane man last night in a situation where I would have pouted for days
• for my Higher Power doing for me what I cannot do for myself--and it happens a lot
• to be able to sit in a meeting and see the disease spilling out all over the place and not get any on me
• for the freedoms I enjoy as an American
• that today really is the first day of the rest of my life

Fear is a killer. It stops the God-given spirituality in our lives from taking shape and making life enjoyable. Fear is connected with doubt--doubt of self. Low self-esteem develops along with fear and in order for confidence to develop, the fear must be faced, confronted and talked about.

Fear is not going to go away because we wish it away or hope it away or even pray it away. Fear needs to be identified, located and seen for what it is - or, as in most cases, what it isn't. Fear of people, things, tomorrow or life itself grows so long as we forge that we are creatures of God. There is nothing that cannot be faced or overcome - as long as we remain drug-free. God is on our side - but we need also to be on our side. Fear is never stronger than our spirituality. We need to bring our fear into the light; then it can be overcome. ~Fr Leo

06.14.09

Unknowns are merely joys we haven't met. We hold the keys to our own cages and can free ourselves when we use our courage and inner strength to overcome our fears. ~Food for Thought

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Today I am grateful...

• for Dan's visit to see new art and take photos of the artist in his studio
• for the movies on the lawn of the de Menil museum last night
• to hear a quietly moving story last night about a man's recovery from alcohol
• that I bought two pair skinny jeans yesterday!
• that the choices I have today are limitless

Freedom is a precious spiritual gift that I work for on a daily basis. God is involved - but so am I. The freedom from alcoholism is only guaranteed by the creative choices I make and in the choice is the freedom. ~Fr Leo

06.13.09

Let go of your thoughts about what you must go through. Fill your awareness with compelling visions of why you have chosen to go where you seek to go. ~Ralph Marston

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Today I am grateful...

• to be back on a fairly normal eating schedule. 60 pounds down since New Year's!
• that Dan (my gallerist) is visiting this morning to see my new stuff
• that I HAVE a gallerist
• that the person that has been dating one of my paintings online has made a commitment
• for an unlimited supply of music for my life's soundtrack
• for a quietness of spirit as the result of 'taking these steps'

Worry---it's a lonely activity. It puts distance between us and others. Our program is full of ideas about what to do with worry. On Step Three, we turn our will and our lives over to God. This includes worry. ~Keep It Simple

06.12.09

Lack of faith is perhaps our greatest impediment to spiritual progress. We have been thing-oriented for so long that it is difficult to change. ~Food for Thought

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Today I am grateful...

• for the reignited light seen in the eyes of someone in recovery
• for dinner last night with two ex-co-workers. We laughed and laughed and caught up and it was just grand fun.
• that if you pay close enough attention, you will find the human being is an odd creature!
• that being lighter physically makes the heat of the summer more bearable
• that today is okay, yep, sure is

We are on an adventure trip in this program. Each of us is a wilderness that is only partly explored and mapped. We can't know exactly what we will find along the way, but we can expect to find some great and moving beauty, some spectacular experiences, as well as awesome and frightening ones, and some soft, pleasant rest spots. Any day will have a mixture of various feelings.

This program is not a map of the uncharted territory. It is a guide for survival in the wilderness. It tells us how to orient ourselves when there are no familiar landmarks and how to learn and grow from the experience. The more time we spend in this wilderness, exploring the mystery of living, the more comfortable we become with it and the greater appreciation we have for its unique beauty. ~Touchstones

Happy 18th Pammie!

06.11.09

Who is the bravest hero? He who turns his enemy into a friend. ~Hebrew Proverb

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Today I am grateful...

• that Pammie has eighteen years of 'one day at a time'
• that Wade has five years today!!!
• that this morning I feel fairly normal, yesterday during the noon meeting I was hit with an overall feeling of sickness
• that it is a rare day when I don't have quiet time first thing of the day, to get centered on why I am here
• for what my life is today, and what my life isn't today

Look past the body, past the personality, past the behavior, into the window of one an other's souls. There we make a connection. The God in me recognizes and honors the God in you. ~Mary Manin Morrissey

Commission Piece Installed Today

62" x 48", acrylic on canvas

06.10.09

IMPATIENT? TRY LEVITATING

We reacted more strongly to frustrations than normal people. ~As Bill Sees It

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Today I am grateful...

• for my old friend Frances. We have been catching up on our lives, 35 years worth.
• for yesterday's noon meeting where the topic was, for me, willingness and steps 6 and 7
• that 74 years ago was Dr. Bob's last drink
• for coincidences AND ironies
• that pretty much everything today isn't what I expected it to be like

Impatience with other people is one of my principal failings. Following a slow car in a no-passing lane, or waiting in a restaurant for the check, drives me to distraction. Before I give God a chance to slow me down, I explode, and that's what I call being quicker than God. That repeated experience gave me an idea. I thought if I could look down on these events from God's point of view, I might better control my feelings and behavior. I tried it and when I encountered the next slow driver, I levitated and looked down on the other car and upon myself. I saw an elderly couple driving along, happily chatting about their grandchildren. They were followed by me--bug eyed and red of face--who had no time schedule to meet anyway. I looked so silly that I dropped back into reality and slowed down. Seeing things from God's angle of vision can be very relaxing. ~Daily Reflections

06.09.09

Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have. ~unknown

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Today I am grateful...

• that the world of crazies just keeps on going and going
• that I am a lot less crazy than I used to be
• that it really does seem like the best stuff lies ahead
• that God doesn't do to me, but only shines through me
• for first step meetings that remind me from whence I came

To do what seems impossible, all we need to do is ask for the help we think we need. And we can look within, too, and summon our whole selves to the task at hand. With all that going for us, how can we fail? And when the tough work is over, we'll look back and know we've grown from the experience...our statures will have touched the skies. ~Today's Gift

06(07).08.09

Love, without concern over whether you'll be loved in return. You will be. ~Ralph Marston

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Today I am grateful...

• for the emotional slam I got from Lou's post
• that I finished the big commission piece. I will photograph it when it gets installed (it's in two pieces right now). Yea!
• that I dreamt this morning I was starting as a personal assistant to a big Houston socialite, but she lived in the biggest palace in Russia. It was my first day. night and next day and it was glorious. What a fun dream!
• for the feeling of being satisfied. I have it more than ever these days.
• for a Higher Power that sustains my life and sustains my future

Then I learned that growth comes to those who are prepared to doubt or disagree with an existing system. God is to be found in the questions. Spirituality is discovered in the shades of life. ~Fr Leo

Ahhhh, serenity...

06.07.(08).09

Part of the ego reduction necessary to our recovery is the acceptance of the fact that we are not and never will be perfect. Perfectionism gets in the way of recovery because it imposes impossible, unrealistic goals which guarantee failure. If we do not think we have to be perfect, then we can accept our mistakes as learning experiences and be willing to try again. ~Food for Thought

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Today I am grateful...

• for running into a friend in the soda aisle at K.Roger
• that back during the time I was unsuccessfully trying to stay sober a friend told me that a baby, trying to walk, falls and then gets back up again. He encouraged me gently to keep trying. I did and it finally took.
• that life with a dog is much richer
• that my life is not full of gin and regret (that's a Will and Grace reference)
• that I am learning more and more to be flexible out of necessity

You not only can live a new life but you also can grow in grace and power and beauty. Reach ever forward and upward after the things of the spirit. In the animal world, the very form of an animal changes to enable it to reach that upon which it delights to feed. Your whole character changes as you reach upward for the things of the spirit for beauty, for love, for honesty, for purity, and for unselfishness. Reaching after these things of the spirit, your whole nature becomes changed so that you can best receive and delight in the wonders of the abundant life. ~24 Hours a Day

06.06.09

We need to press on in this wonderful journey of life because new discoveries await us in our tomorrows. Spirituality always brings joy in the journey. In the traveling is the fun for we will never reach our destination in this life. ~Fr Leo

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Today I am grateful...

• that my Higher Power has shared many secrets with me
• that being in the solution is always preferable
• that I have found some faith, and it seems to be the cure for fear
• that my Higher Power didn't give up when I was nothing but a dirty dish rag soaked in tequila
• that my expanding heart is the proof that I am in conscious contact
• for flexibility when plans change
• for the way my life flows
• that I constantly consider myself to be a lucky man

Of course, my conflicts went right on mounting, because I was simply loaded with excuses, refusals, and outright rebellion. ~Bill W

06.05.09

The Divine voice comes to you as strength as well as tenderness, as power as well as restfulness.Your moral strength derives its effectiveness from the power that comes when you listen patiently for the still, small voice. ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

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Today I am grateful...

• for work that lets me express my creativity
• that it's not between you and me, it is between me and God (see below)
• for a super busy work week. I think next week should allow more breathing room and more time for noon meetings.
• that my self esteem has improved dramatically--the progression of recovery had removed a lot of my shame issues. There are still some, probably always will be, but the change is remarkable!
• that so far it's all good

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway. ~Mother Teresa

I love a good houndstooth!

06.04.09

Our first objective will be the development of self restraint. This carries a top priority rating. ~12 12

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Today I am grateful...

• for a life program with concrete solutions. There isn't as much guess work these days.
• that I no longer think "I guess I will die from drinking."
• that other people's bad moods used to piss me off, now they serve to calm my own nerves. I like that.
• for facing big demons one at a time
• that my life feels full (or 'I have a fat life' as someone recently said)

My disease of obsession and compulsion wants me to place other things at the center of my life: food, alcohol, drugs, people, money, success, achievement and ego.

My spiritual program reminds me that my love of self is shown in my refusal of the first drink. If I am healthy, I can have the world; without me, I can have nothing! ~Fr Leo

06.03.09

The strongest power has no need to show itself or to prove itself. It is quiet, calm, determined and unshakable.
Boastfulness is the surest sign of weakness and insecurity. True confidence has no need to speak of itself.
Authentic richness is endlessly generous. Anyone who has the need to appear rich suffers from a terribly painful poverty of the spirit. ~Ralph Marston

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Today I am grateful...

• that 'the spirit' has felt so huge lately
• that last night Bunny wanted in my lap so I reached down, he stood up on his hind legs and I grabbed him under his front legs and put him on my chest. As I leaned back in my chair and continued watching Brian Williams with Mr. Obama. Bunny settled his muzzle against me and sort of sunk down into me. Our hearts were just inches from each other and the joy and comfort that brought moved me to tears. His eyes slowly closed and it was a profound feeling. All was right in my world.
• that some days I am just absolutely overwhelmed with the gratitude in my life
• that on and on, on the beat goes...

I raised my eyes and saw a huge bird rising in the sky. I watched it suddenly give itself up to the powerful air currents of the mountains. Swept along, swooping and soaring, the bird did things seemingly impossible for mortal birds to do. It was an inspiring example of a fellow creature "letting go" to a power greater than itself. I realized that if the bird "took back his will" and tried to fly with less trust, on its power alone, it would spoil its apparent free flight. That insight granted me the willingness to pray the Seventh Step prayer. ~Daily Reflections

My Creator, I am willing that You should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that You now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to You and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here to do Your bidding. ~Seventh Step Prayer

06.02.09

Through the program, we grow more tolerant of the people who think and act differently from ourselves. We share what has worked for us, and someone else is free to take it or leave it. Our attention and concern is of value to those we would help, but we cannot prescribe for them. We are all learning how to be responsible for ourselves. No one forbids us this or gives us permission for that. Our differences are God given, and we accept each other in love. ~Food for Thought

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Today I am grateful...

• for the first step Beginner meeting last night. Sometimes first step meetings make me joyous, some have me sitting under a dark cloud--remembering what brought me there. Last night was the dark cloud kind. Regardless, I need to always remember what brought me to recovery.
• that the gentleman behind me, with 35 years under his belt, shared about how there were no gay specific meetings when he got sober and that a small group found each other which led to the founding of the Lambda Center. When he quit drinking in 1974 he was living on my block.
• that I took the Steps and sobriety was the result
• for the still calmness of a June morning
• to want what I have and have what I want

[T]hat it is a way I shall have to find. It is a new path, one that leads to infinite light at the top of the mountain. The Steps advise me about the footholds that are safe and about chasms to avoid. They provide me with the tools I need during the many parts of the solitary journey of my soul. When I speak of this journey, I share my experience, strength and hope with others. ~Daily Reflections

Bunny: Is he cute or what?

06.01.09

You were born with a spark of the Divine within you. It had been all but smothered by the life you were living. That celestial fire has to be tended and fed so that it will grow eventually into a real desire to live the right way. ~24 Hours a Day

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Today I am grateful...

• for interesting gatherings over the weekend
• that every weekend feels like a holiday, no more binge drinking and recovering--what freedom!
• that a self-ish program means, to me, that I help my self so I can help your self
• for the feeling of having enough

Two step formula for handling stress:

1. Don't sweat the small stuff.

2. Remember it's all small stuff. ~Anthony Robbins

05.31.09

Many do not know that we are here in this world to live in harmony. ~Buddha

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Today I am grateful...

• that I cheated on my food plan yesterday at Dave's party for Hayden's birthday and I didn't gain a pound
• that I as able to support my friend Pam at her first ever gallery opening
• for lots of euphoria during the past week
• that a lot of my serenity is self inflicted
• for my 'rediscovery' of one of my favorite recording artists, Yello. They are simply incredible!

You are the creator of your own Serenity. It lives and breathes within your desire for Recovery. It is no mystery. It is a conscious choice. Serenity is born and flourishes, with the help of your Higher Power, through your own efforts to maintain order, stability and self-discipline within your everyday life. Serenity is a daily gift you give to yourself. Be generous! --Lumpy Karma

Nyah ah ah...

05.30.09

When you talk, you can only say something that you already know. When you listen, you learn what someone else knows. ~Unknown

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Today I am grateful...

• that I can be the observer and not have to comment
• for those that serve as a mirror to my own character defects. It's painful sometimes, but it is one of the fastest ways to growth when I can recognize what's going on and not assume I am just annoyed but being shown where I can change.
• that a huge portion of my fears have been replaced with trust and faith all stemming from the practice of gratitude
• that it works. It really works.

Look beyond people's behaviors and have compassion for what may be causing their insensitivities. We are on earth to discover our own path and will never be happy trying to live someone elses idea of life. ~Daily Inspiration

05.29.09

You can be free from them in an instant if you choose. For worry is your own creation. Fear is nothing more than a response you have chosen. ~Ralph Marston

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Today I am grateful...

• for the path of least resistance
• that sobriety has forced me to be more spontaneous (flexible)
• that I am willing to learn
• for memories of summers at the cabin on Kentucky Lake, walking through a graveyard with the winds of an approaching storm blowing, night games, sleepovers on Friday nights watching Creature Feature (hosted by M.T. Graves)
• that I do not have to live in remorse or fear, unless I chose to
• for the middle ground where I do not fight the opposites that are often pulling at me

Every one of the pioneers in the total field of alcoholism will generously say that had it not been for the living proof of recovery in A.A., they could not have gone on. A.A. was the lodestar of hope and help that kept them at it. ~Grapevine, March 1958

05.28.09

My program for recovery from addiction is spiritual and not religious. I believe that spirituality encompasses all that is good and noble in all the great religions of the world. It cannot be confined or limited to one religion or denomination. Spirituality stops the recovering person from looking for the differences; it stops the arrogance and prejudice; it stops the division and separations that feed the disease. Spirituality emphasizes the inherent unity of man. It teaches the most stubborn of men to hold hands. ~Fr Leo

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Today I am grateful...

• that today I will get to be in a circle and hold hands with two alcoholics, standing in unity
• for another late night gab session with my newly reconnected friend in KY
• for the peace and serenity of feeling truly I am where I need to be, doing what I chose to do this lifetime
• that today is a work at home day, working on the commission piece
• that if I focus on what might have been, it will get in the way of what might be

Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them. ~Abraham Lincoln

05.27.09

The biggest danger we face as recovering people is self-will. Our goal is to lose as much of our self-will as we can. We than put love in place of self-will. Recovery is truly about love. ~Keep It Simple

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Today I am grateful...

• for Facebook. Last night I reconnected with a woman I had not seen or spoken with since 1976. We instant messenger-ed a bit, then I called her and we hooted and hollered and laughed and caught up. It was glorious fun!
• that I fell asleep last night with a smile on my face and in my heart
• that my life today is recovery centered. My old thoughts which were consumed with alcohol have been replaced with thoughts of recovery.
• that a cleaned up mind and heart has left space for so much love to enter my life
• that the program of recovery offered by Alcoholics Anonymous is truly the easier, softer way
• that I got to tour this lovely woman's studio yesterday

We deserve to enjoy intimacy in as many of our relationships as possible. We deserve relationships that have not been sabotaged. That does not mean we walk around with our heads in the clouds; it means we strive to keep our motives clean when it comes to discussing other people. ~The Language of Letting Go

05.26.09

The most accurate way to predict the future is to get busy creating it. The more generously you participate in life, the more it will go your way. ~Ralph Marston

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Today I am grateful...

• that I got to sit between Bob S and Nagar S last night
• that it is sooooooooooooooo much easier for me to share in meetings that it was in the past. I used to FREAK when I had to share.
• that things work a lot better when I get out of the way
• that I double purchased asparagus over the weekend. That stuff is expensive but I have enough for several meals. Yummy!
• that I had a good date with Morpheus last night
• for constant reminders of how good life is in recovery
• that Pammie made it back from her clandestine voyage
• for sending an email to check on someone that just can't stay clean. I hope I hear back because I am afraid one day he won't be able to make it back.
• that God could and would if He were sought

Discipline of yourself is absolutely necessary before the power of God is given to you. When you see others manifesting the power of God, you probably have not seen the discipline that went before. They made themselves ready. All your life is a preparation for more good to be accomplished when God knows that you are ready for it. So keep disciplining yourself in the spiritual life every day. Learn so much of the spiritual laws that your life cannot again be a failure. Others will see the outward manifestation of the inward discipline in your daily living. ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

05.25.09

I cannot stay sober on yesterday's meetings or past Twelfth-Step calls; I need to put my gratitude into action today. ~Daily Reflections

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Today I am grateful...

• that I gave in and finally got a new printer. In doing so it let me get rid of my scanner which took up way too much counter space.
• that I got the major part of the layout done for the large commission piece
• that today is a holiday because I could not get to sleep easily last night and couldn't sleep past my usual waking time this morning--maybe two naps today?
• that when I am able to pay attention there are plenty of things to learn, every day
• that I can approach today with no resentments
• that I, along with many, fight a different war, a war which seeks freedom from self

God is to be found in the "odd" things in life: The dance, relationships, Charlie Chaplin, jogging, the pet dog and the sincere hug. The adventure we find in life reflects our adventure in God. Spirituality is seeing beyond the ordinary into the extraordinary: "The Kingdom of God is within". ~Fr Leo

05.24.09

Just like a seed has an image of the tree in it, so does your heart have an image of who you are becoming. Look for stories in movies and books that resonate in your heart, and you will find glimpses of your possible futures. What is your favorite story? ~from the In God We Trust meme on Facebook

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Today I am grateful...

• for easy solutions. Like last night at the speaker meeting there were three people rattling their popcorn bags as the meeting was starting. I couldn't sit there without wanting to clobber them so I got up and moved across the room.
• that during my three hour shift answering Intergroup phones yesterday I got to hear the desperation in the voice of several callers wanting help. That reminds me of the place I came from. (I know that should be 'from whence I came' but that sounds so fake.)
• that Pammie and Mary Christine are clandestine diners
• that I have more today than I need
• to have sold a piece of art yesterday during a studio visit from an out-of-town artist/collector

There are some times when we seem bent on self-destruction. We may be disgruntled about the demands and responsibilities of the day and determined to punish ourselves for our inability to cope easily. Why we subvert our own best interests is often a mystery, but we all know the frustration and despair of not doing what we should do and doing what we should not do. ~Food for Thought

05.23.09

When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. ~Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 64

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Today I am grateful...

• that I removed the first bullet point here because it was a rehash of last night's dinner fiasco and I just can leave that alone today
• for British humour--we watched Graham Norton last night and his show is the best entertainment
• that this weekend we have Intergroup phones at Lambda Center and I get to do some service work
• that today an out-of -own artist/collector will come by for a studio visit
• for the three day weekend!

We need to remember that the disease of addiction still lives in our recovery. However, our honest attempts at dealing with a problem or helping another with a problem - provided they are honest attempts -will usually be more than sufficient.Today I accept my best attempts with gratitude and I am not too proud to seek the advice of another. ~Fr Leo

05.22.09

For a time we are living inside a scream where there seems to be no exit, only echoes. The small cares that seemed so important yesterday seem like nothing, and our daily concerns become petty and irrelevant. When we finally reclaim ourselves, as we ultimately do, we are changed. ~Kent Nerburn, Simple Truths

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Today I am grateful...

• for my new orange leather sketchbook and my new orange leather briefcase
• ...living inside a scream--that so describes where I once was
• for the visit from FC yesterday. A charming man.
• that my Higher Power has brought me to where I am today
• that I am comfortable with my station today

A beggar supplicates, a child appropriates. When you supplicate, you are often kept waiting, but when you appropriate God's strength in a good cause, you have it at once. ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

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Showing up is 80 percent of life. ~Woody Allen

05.21.09

To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face. ~Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 44

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Today I am grateful...

• for the oddness of yesterday. Clients not able to make a decision, events that kept appointments from being kept, general uneasiness of people
• for the comment from someone googling something that led them to a post of mine showing a photograph of Monument Valley and then deciding they had to visit. It is my favorite place on Earth.
• for the email from someone from my home town who saw a photo I posted that I took while in high school. They used to wander through those pine woods and wanted a copy of the photograph. I have no idea who that person is and I have to wonder...
• for the yogic videos I found last night on YouTube. They brought me to center and the most peaceful place of gratitude.
• that today might be another odd day but I won't have to drink to handle any of it
• that Dave sold his T-Bird and is jealous of my red shoes

In recovery, we resumed our emotional and spiritual development where it had stopped. It is liberating to know that how we feel about something is important. We can follow our interests and pursue our commitments. We need not be ruled by others' feelings. With our regular pattern of taking our inventory, praying, and meditating, we are developing a relationship with ourselves, which builds character and maturity. ~Touchstones

05.20.09

On a day-at-a-time basis, I am confident I can stay away from a drink for one day. So I set out with confidence. At the end of the day, I have the reward of achievement. Achievement feels good and that makes me want more! ~Daily Reflections

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Today I am grateful...

• that I love the psychedelic art from the 1960s and this morning accidentally ran into a site playing Riders on the Storm. How I love that song.
• for sweet, black coffee
• to strive for humility and responsibility, my spiritual status depends on it
• to keep enough free space in my mind so that anything new has a chance to settle in
• that today I have a 'thought life' which I would never have thought possible
• that I never did hallucinogens

Thoughts have power. Thoughts are energy. You can make your world or break it by your thinking. ~Susan Taylor

New Red Shoes!!!

Something Blue for Pam

05.19.09

Imagine living in your head, untrue to your heart.
Imagine the pain of separation.
Imagine the depth of the longing for peace.
~G. Carol

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Today I am grateful...

• that today should line up just right in the history of my life
• that there is always room for improvement
• that I got new red suede shoes in the mail yesterday, but you don't have to be jealous (although you probably will be)
• for recognition of a Higher power that sustains my life and sustains my future
• that I am not hung over trying to make it through a day or an hour or a minute at a time. Instead I am in recovery, and not alone, in my one day at a time lifestyle.

This atmosphere of approval and praise is apt to be so exhilarating as to put us off balance by creating an insatiable appetite for more of the same. Or we may be tipped over in the other direction when, in rare cases, we get a cool and skeptical reception. This will tempt us to argue, or to press our point insistently. Or maybe it will tempt us to discouragement and pessimism. But if we have prepared ourselves well in advance, such reactions will not deflect us from our steady and even purpose. ~12 & 12, p. 85

America's Youngest Gay Rights Activist: 9-Year-old Ethan McNamee

Ethan McNAmee, a third-grader at Montclair Elementary School in Denver, organized a rally for marriage equality and delivered a speech at the Colorado State Capitol on Saturday:
"He was concerned about the issue after hearing about anti-gay remarks on the playground and then learning about a same sex couple in his neighborhood that couldn't get married. 'Everybody is different in a good way,' he said. Ethan believes that if two people love each other that is the only issue to be considered. Ethan took it upon himself to arrange the rally and line up the guest speakers. He admitted it was more work then he thought it would be, but adds it was fun."
McNamee's permit was filed under the name of his school teacher Kyle Kimmal, because he's too young to apply for one himself.
According to Denver's ABC7, the conservatives are already on the attack, accusing adults of manipulation.
Watch Ethan's speech, AFTER THE JUMP...

05.18.09

When we see ants and bees out in the world, we often see just one, but this belies the reality of their situation. More than any other species, ants and bees function as parts of a whole. They cannot and do not survive as individuals; they survive as members of a group, and the group’s survival is the implicit goal of each individual’s life. There is no concept of life outside the group, so even to use the word individual is somewhat misleading. Often, humans, on the other hand, strongly value individuality and often negatively associate ants and bees with a lack of independence. And yet, if we look closer at these amazing creatures, we can learn valuable lessons about how much we can achieve when we band together with others to work for a higher purpose. ~Daily Om

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Today I am grateful...

• to be one among many and to feel right at home there
• that today is fat loading day, the last, and tomorrow I start the calorie restrictive part of the diet. This overloading is making me feel sick and uncomfortable.
• for another alcohol free Monday
• that today will be some one's sobriety date, it will also be the day someone goes back out
• if I do my part today then today's job will be well done

Self-esteem is so delicate a flower that praise tends to make it bloom,while discouragement often nips it in the bud. ~Alex F. Osborn

05.17.09

I have no medical evidence that I have brain damage, but I know this; that good feeling I got after about four beers or a couple of shots; that complete feeling of well-being, self confidence and self acceptance -- happy, joyous and free. That's the exhilaration of brain cells dying. ~Doug D.

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Today I am grateful...

• that I start the second phase of my weight loss plan today
• for the sheer joy of last night's Mr & Ms Lambda contest fundraiser
• for the cool front that came in yesterday afternoon
• for the concept of 'the worst things in my life never happened'
• for lazy, care-free Sundays, which is what I am expecting today

We need to be loved. We need to be held tight, and we need to hold others tight. Many of us are scared, and for good reason. During our using years, we held tight to addiction, but this attachment created serious wounds.

In recovery, first we let go of old behaviors, attitudes, and ideas. Then we grab hold - and hold tight - to the Steps, our sponsor, the fellowship, and the principles of the program. The tighter we attach to recovery, the quicker its care and love become part of our being. The tighter we hold, the deeper the values of recovery get planted into our minds, hearts, and souls.

It is, then, our job to hold on tight and allow the safety of recovery to hold us tight. We need to go to meetings, call our sponsor, read, pray, and meditate regularly, allowing the care found in the Third Step to grab hold of us and heal our wounds. ~Hazelden Thought for the Day

05.16.09

The computer was acting up this morning so I downloaded CCleaner and cleaned it up, had coffee and said my morning prayers. But I didn't have my usual quiet time when I read my meditations and write my gratitude list.

I went to Lambda Center to do my usual bookkeeping (I love that bookkeeping has three double letters together!) and met with my sponsor. We discussed the story in the back The Keys to the Kingdom. She so beautifully describes the 'what it was like, what happened and what it is like now'.

Afterwards I went to lunch with a fellow alkie, we both had the economic stimulus special at our local gay eatery--$8 for a flat iron steak and fries. Yum! We had some bleu cheese alongside. She had TWO stimulus brownies (with ice cream, $1 each).

My jaw is achy and I am a little off center. I have been a little off this entire week, nothing major at all and sometimes hardly noticeable. And certainly nothing like the above photo. Maybe it has to do with Mercury being so retrograde, maybe it's just that time of the month. Anyway, it will pass. And you won't miss my gratitude list too much today.

05.15.09

The way to be respected is to be respectful. The way to be heard is to listen. ~Ralph Marston

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Today I am grateful...

• that I got to sleep last night. I rarely have insomnia, but last night I just could not fall asleep. I watched to see if there were any troubling thoughts and my mind was blank. So blank when I was saying my prayers everything just stopped. I eventually got up and turned on the computer and had a Moo Pop. Thirty minutes later I was back under the covers and I don't even remember my head hitting the pillow.
• that those annoying stitches from where the oral surgeon invaded my jaw fell out just before I brushed my teeth for the first time today. There were two pieces of suture that were about 1/4" long that my tongue could not, would not leave alone
• that I can have this day with no worries about yesterday and no fears about tomorrow
• that honesty, tolerance and true love of man and God makes the daily basis of living a whole lot easier and more fulfilling (thanks, Dave)

Honesty means living by what is true to us. Then we choose when and how to say things to others. Think of honesty as the air we breathe; it's what keeps us alive, but it can get polluted and kill. It must be treated with respect and care. ~Keep It Simple

Abandoned AA Chairs?

05.14.09

Our former tyrant, King Alcohol, always stands ready again to clutch us to him. ~Bill W (in letter)

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Today I am grateful...

• that the commission painting deposit is in the bank
• that I could find something to complain about but it wouldn't make my morning any better
• that there are so many Davids at TLC some of them have nicknames
• that it is so easy to smile. There were days and weeks when I don't think I ever smiled.
• for the Soul Train dancers and the groove line

All of us need something to live for, something that captures our imagination and beckons us on to greater efforts. Achievement in the areas of study and work, commitments to family and community, development of talents and interests--all serve as motivation. Usually, though, we require something more to keep us going. When we become aware of the Spirit, which is constantly available to us through contact with our Higher Power, we are tuned in to the source of our abstinence and of our life. ~Food for Thought

05.13.09

The truth is, any relapse can be your last. Never kid yourself, relapse is part of the disease process, not part of our recovery process. ~Pocket Sponsor

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Today I am grateful...

• for prayers for those who no longer come to meetings at Lambda. There are newcomers that will not know their experience, strength and hope.
• that the ego gets whittled down little by little in the program of AA. Big pieces falling off would be painful.
• that we are all healers when we offer our hand
• for trust in a Higher Power that sustains my life and sustains my future. I don't have to worry about it.
• that there are some things I will never know or understand and that really is okay with me

Small miracles keep offering new opportunities just when I need change and growth. New friends have shown me hidden truths in those sayings that I once found so shallow. The lessons of tolerance and acceptance have taught me to look beyond exterior appearances to find the help and wisdom so often lurking beneath the surface. All my sobriety and growth, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, are dependent upon my willingness to listen, understand, and change. ~Alcoholics Anonymous, page 542