05.18.08

I can alter my life by altering the attitude of my mind. ~author unknown

Today I am grateful...

• that I have no unfinished business from yesterday
• that the rescue dog on the property is healthy, but has heart worms and will require treatment
• that I got to see Dave's new LARGE classic T-Bird last night
• that my life keeps purring along
• for a little black and white companion with a Betty Boop head

I don't like myself, I'm CRAZY about myself! ~Mae West

Rats!
They fought the dogs and killed the cats,
And bit the babies in the cradles,
And ate the cheeses out of the vats,
And licked the soup from the cooks' own ladles,
Split open the kegs of salted sprats,
Made nests inside men's Sunday hats,
And eve. ~Robert Browning

Rites of Mu (small parts 1&2)

5 1/2" x 7 1/2" each, acrylic on canvas board

Standing with White Gods

7" x 5", pencil on panel

05.17.08

Each day provides its own gifts. ~Ruth P. Freedman

Spiritual growth is the greatest gift we can receive. And we earn it through taking risks. There is much risk involved in working the Steps: The risk of admitting that we're out of control. The risk of turning our will and lives over to a Power greater than ourselves. The risk of letting go of character defects. The risk of making amends to people we've harmed. The risk of admitting our wrongs. The risk of telling our stories as we carry the message of hope. To grow spiritually, we need these adventures. These challenges. These risks. ~Keep It Simple

Today I am grateful...

• that my thinking is not as insane as it once was, only through maintenance of a spiritual condition
• to be much more tolerant but with a long way to go to improve on that front
• for the luxury of quiet time on a Saturday morning
• that I meet with my sponsor this morning to go over the principle behind the 8th step--Brotherly Love. Most of the writing about brotherly love I found on the Internet stems from the Freemasons.
• that my freedoms today are HUGE

Just 'cos

05.16.08

Peace of heart and a quiet mind - these are the rewards of having passed through the turbulence of purification to find a safe harbor within God. ~Julie Redstone

Today I am grateful...

• that I attended a men's meeting in another recovery program. Years ago, to have been in such close contact with six straight men would have really freaked me out. Last night I felt totally at ease.
• that the fellowship is universal
• that HP continues to redefine my attitude
• for the mysteries of having a spiritual experience
• that today I have a purpose I can relate to and support and love

In any growth process ... we must remember that a law of diminishing returns sets in. This is expressed in the saying that trees don't grow to the sky. At some point, we will discover that our joyous feeling of pleasure has cooled down to an ordinary state of feeling well, that we are not becoming increasingly joyous by the day. There's nothing wrong with such a mental plateau. If we're practicing the Twelve Step program, we're still moving forward, onward, and upward. Diminishing returns must still be counted as returns. ~Walk in Dry Places

04.15.08 Namasté

The future is always beginning now. ~Mark Strand

Today I am grateful...

• that I don't like Jello, but there is always room for prayer
• that meditation radio lulls me into a meditation that sometimes is hard to leave
• that everywhere I go, there I am
• that I will try to keep my eye out for my self-entitlement today
• that since all I have is this day, I do not have to worry about tomorrow
• that love, freely given, nourishes my heart
• that love, freely received, nourishes my soul
  

Look past the body, past the personality, past the behavior, into the window of one another's souls. There we make a connection. The God in me recognizes and honors the God in you. ~Mary Manin Morrissey

Chortles

“The 12 Steps are like 12 wrenches…they will fit any nut who walks through the door.”

“If you’re wrapped up in self you make a very small package."

The discussion topic was “half measures avail us nothing” and one member was listing all the reservations he had about the AA program and sobriety. An old-timer piped up and said, “with that many reservations you are bound to soon take a flight.”

“The slogans are the banisters to the 12 Steps.”

“The 12 Steps keep us from suicide. The 12 Traditions keep us from homicide !”

A warning to newcomers in AA: “If you’re looking for a relationship in AA odds are good you’ll find one. But beware…it often follows that the goods will be odd.”

“An alcoholic is an individual who takes the most simple program and works on it until he has eventually reduced it to its most complicated form.”

“We didn’t get to AA by singing too loud in church.”

~stolen from Ginnie

05.14.08

Birds sing after a storm, why shouldn't we? ~Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

Today I am grateful...

• for yet another first step meeting at noon yesterday, and three more desire chips found their way into an alcoholic's pocket


• that yesterday's peaceful uneasiness was just that--and it passed


• that I attended my first meeting for another spiritual reconditioning. In hopes of addressing my warped relationship with food.


• to feel so much better just having taken action. Being in the solution is so much more satisfying than being in the problem.
  

There is more to life than increasing its speed. --Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

An Afternoon Window

5" x 7" acrylic on canvas board

05.13.08

The simple act of intentionally deciding upon a destination will point you solidly in that direction. A small adjustment in your attitude can make a major difference in your world. Anything is possible. What actually happens in your life is an accurate reflection of how you see yourself living it. ~Ralph Marston

Today I am grateful...

• for yesterday's first step meeting, the rallying around the newcomer, the thunderous applause as she picked up a desire chip and for the two turning in wet ones for dry ones
• to see alcoholics at their best
• that my sister didn't get the alcoholic gene. Someone up there has to be level headed!
• that our rescue pup is filling out and is running around the back yard. She loves to play fetch.
• that I was asked to be a paid contributor to a recovery website, but it is hard enough maintaining this daily posting. Some days I just don't want to write. But I made a commitment a long time ago and am trudging onward.

Try never to judge. The human mind is so delicate and so complete that only its Maker can know it wholly. Each mind is so different, actuated by such different motives, controlled by such different circumstance, influenced by such different sufferings, you cannot know all the influences that have gone to make up a personality. Therefore, it is impossible for you to judge wholly that personality. Leave to God the unraveling of the puzzles of personality. And leave it to God to teach you the proper understanding. ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

The Beginning Was the End

18" x 14", acrylic on linen

05.12.08

Turn out all thoughts of doubt and fear and resentment. Never tolerate them if you can help it. Bar the windows and doors of your mind against them, as you would bar your home against a thief who would steal in to take away your treasures. What greater treasures can you have than faith and courage and love? All these are stolen from you by doubt and fear and resentment. Face each day with peace and hope. They are results of true faith in God. Faith gives you a feeling of protection and safety that you can get in no other way. ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

Today I am grateful...

• that So took all those photos of the old homestead
• that there is a solution
• that a member that went out over the weekend said she will pick up a new desire chip today
• that a newcomer told me last week that my recovery seems to be in my thoughts all the time
• that the huge amount of time I spent thinking about drinking has been replaced with thoughts about sobriety
• that I finally got it that day back in November 2003

We've also been conditioned to believe that we're being spineless and wimpy if we don't become outraged by certain injustices and wrongs. There's a difference, however, between feeling strongly that something is wrong and being sullen and resentful about it. The first kind of feeling helps us remedy the problem; the second feeling simply intensifies our hurt. Under no circumstances can we afford resentment. ~Walk in Dry Places

05.10.08

Do not condemn, therefore, all that you would call bad in the world. Rather, ask yourself, what about this have you judged bad, and what, if anything, you wish to do to change it. ~CwG

Today I am grateful...

• the ENT said all looks good, come back in six months (it was every three months prior)
• that I have been asked to include a painting in an exhibit with a theme of "The effects of war and occupation on young people - Iraqi, American, British"
• that I am willing to do the maintenance to preserve my sanity
• for art thoughts and dreams
• for the truths my HP has shown me
• to be a part of the 'collective mind'

We are now learning to keep our thoughts in recovery and not in the insanity of the past. The program fixes it so we don't have to suffer from insanity anymore. Now we can enjoy it! ~Pocket Sponsor

05.09.08

Brothers should not be like the scales of a balance, the one rising upon the other's sinking; but rather like numbers in arithmetic, the lesser and greater mutually helping and improving each other. –Plutarch

Today I am grateful...

• that I am on the principle behind Step 8: Brotherly Love
• for hopes of practicing that principle in all my affairs
• that I try to not be a Negative Nancy
• that today I have a follow-up with the ENT doctor
• that I am fiscally responsible

...you can’t lose in this game. You can’t go wrong. It’s not part of the plan. There’s no way not to get where you are going. There’s no way to miss your destination. If God is your target, you’re in luck, because God is so big, you can’t miss. ~Conversations with God

05.08.08

So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.---Will Rogers

Secrets help keep us sick. In our drinking and using days, we did things we weren't proud of. We lived in a secret world we were ashamed of. This part of the power of addiction. Our behavior and our secrets kept us trapped. Recovery offers us a way out of this secret world. In our groups, we share our secrets, and they lose their power over us. There may be things we're too ashamed to talk about in our groups. When we share these things in our Fifth Step, they lose their power over us. We have a new life that we're not ashamed to talk about. When shame leaves, pride enters our hearts. We know we're good people! ~Keep It Simple

Today I am grateful...

• that relief today comes from being sober and fairly centered
• for the growing transformation that started after I stopped putting alcohol into my body
• that my world is better because my thoughts are healthier
• for a raised consciousness as a direct result of more communication with my Higher Power
• that I cannot say what has happened to me, except, I am not the same

05.[06]07.08

This is the young dog Mary rescued from the street yesterday. She stayed overnight in the side pen. We hope to find a home for her soon.

Today I am grateful...

• for Mary's compassion and those that rescue animals
• that DS and I had lunch in a British pub, The Red Lion. Fish and chips, diet Coke and iced tea. Sitting at the bar were older men drinking their lunch, mostly beer. And one older lady nursing a cocktail. That part really creeped me out.
• that I took the night off last night and painted
• that a lot of the time I can disassociate myself from the world's craziness
• for all the miracles in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous

The less you need, the more you have. When you need nothing, you have it all. What you grab from others will be of no use to you. It is the value you're able to provide to others that creates enduring wealth. You can be wealthy this very moment. For when you sincerely see yourself as wealthy, you truly are.
Look within yourself and discover the true wealth that is unique to you. And find real joy in building upon that wealth, day after day. ~Ralph Marston

05.06.<07>08

A simple shift in our thoughts can positively affect our mental state, moving from complaints to gratitude and applying the powerful light of love to any shadowy thoughts. ~Daily Om

I am so glad things are not like the religious zealots proclaim them to be. Things are so much simpler than that.

Yesterday the time came and went past when I hear if I am working. The skies were getting darker and darker. I had the soft, quiet meditation music playing, had eaten breakfast and started getting sleepy. The rain started falling. Bunny was already back in bed, under the covers, sound asleep. The house was dark and cool and the ceiling fan was spinning as I crawled back in bed. I then had the nicest experience. It was after 9AM and in the old days, on a Monday, I would have already called in sick. But there I was snuggling with the pillows and Bunny and it was a Monday morning with no commitments. And I was sober.

It was a luxurious feeling. So perfectly peaceful. A moment filled with gratitude.

The nap was nice, too.

Fear of Music

15" x 30", acrylic on canvas

05.05.08

The old timers used to say that the world's most difficult prayer was 'O, Lord, be as good to me today, as I was to my fellowman, yesterday.' ~Pocket Sponsor

Today I am grateful...

• that in 1630 days I haven't found anything better than sobriety
• for the meditation radio station I found this morning to play in the background
• that prayers of gratitude push my life forward
• that through my thoughts I can have any life I want
• for the feelings of a clear spirit this morning, that things are as they should be

We need to forgive so we can heal. Forgiveness means not wanting to get even. Forgiveness means letting go of self-will. Anger and hate are forms of self-will take up room in our heart. Yet, a still, small voice inside of us wants to forgive. Just as others have forgiven us, we need to forgive them. When we forgive, we give our will to our Higher Power. When we forgive, we make room in our heart for our Higher Power. By giving up our anger and our hate, we let that still, small voice come through a little louder. This is how we heal. This is why forgiving is so powerful for us. ~Keep It Simple

John and Jebus

7" x 5" pencil on panel

05.04.08

'Suit up, Show up, Sit up, Shut up' is what we used to tell newcomers. We used to say this for darn good reason. Drunk drunks and newly clean addicts shouldn't be running at the mouth about recovery when they don't understand recovery. Unfortunately 'Politically Correct' (or rather, 'Therapeutically Correct') often hijacks our meetings. Do not be afraid to take our meetings back. ~Pocket Sponsor



If you're bored watch THIS.

05+03=08

Since the self cannot forgive, I must overcome my selfishness. I must cease trying to forgive those who fretted and wronged me. It is a mistake for me even to think about these injuries. I must aim at overcoming myself in my daily life and then I will find there is nothing in me that remembers injury, because the only thing injured, my selfishness, is gone. ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

Today I am grateful...

• that it's the weekend. I do have to do the bookkeeping at TLC this morning but then I get to meet with my sponsor (who has been out of town for over a month)
• for friends and loved ones
• for the one degree of separation I run into all the time
• that all in all I am fairly satisfied

The "new freedom" that comes out of the 12 Steps is a higher order. It means that by following principles in living we find choices and experiences that were never possible in the old life. We are free from the destructive behavior that always ended in pain and defeat. This freedom is more of the spirit than of worldly things. It is knowing the truth about ourselves and life. ~Walk in Dry Places

Socks Drying

I did a couple loads of laundry today. When the last load was through drying, the tee shirts were dry, but the socks weren't. So, instead of using up more precious electricity to dry them further I just hung them on the ladder to the loft. Along with the wet kitchen towel. Notice the boiled eggs sharing counter space with brushes and art supplies. I like the laundry hanging there, it sorta looks old world to me. Or something.

05.02.08

If I'm young, I am respectful of the old farts. If I'm an old fart I don't recite platitudes to the young. ~Pocket Sponsor

Today I am grateful...

• for Ravi Shankar's performance at the Monterrey Pop Festival in 1967 and who is still to touring at age 88. We watched it last night and it was mesmerizing. R and I saw him at Jones Hall years ago. The concert lasted over two hours but when he was finished playing it seemed at if only a few minutes had passed. A true master.
• that Bunny made it through our whole walk last night in the rain. He didn't like it one bit, but he marched on, occasionally stopping under the umbrella to look at me with the cutest and most confused looks.
• that I can relax in my life. I do not want to be rushed any more--if I can help it.

Those who enjoy the greatest lives are not extraordinary people, or even ordinary people with something added. They are not necessarily the wealthiest or most professionally acclaimed. Those who sparkle with aliveness are ordinary people with nothing taken away. They have not lost their wonder of the moment. They cherish the presence of a friend; they marvel when a child takes their hand. They find a gift in each moment of living. ~Mary Manin Morrissey

05.01.08

I have no medical evidence that I have brain damage, but I know this; that good feeling I got after about four beers or a couple of shots; that complete feeling of well-being, self confidence and self acceptance - happy, joyous and free. That's the exhilaration of brain cells dying. ~Doug D.

Today I am grateful...

• that I am much more rational and sane than I was just five years ago
• that if my experience of time passing keeps accelerating like it has, then some day I will get whip lash
• that there is a solution, and it is vastly more than that
• that Pam can still be considered a newcomer
• that today I asked for my thinking to be redirected from the crazy thoughts of an alcoholic to that of a more sane person

All people having an alcoholic problem who wish to get rid of it and so make a happy adjustment with the circumstances of their lives, become A.A. members by simply associating with us. Nothing but sincerity is needed. But we do not demand even this. ~Bill W

04.30.08

The fulfillment of your most profound desires is always present in your life. By your continual thankfulness for what is, you allow and enable the fulfillment of what can be. See the beauty, feel the joy, and keep your thoughts filled with the most positive and meaningful possibilities. For fulfillment never ceases. ~Ralph Marston

Today I am grateful...

• that someone trusted me enough last night to call with some sensitive information they needed to discuss
• that my sponsor will be back in town soon. He has been gone at least a month.
• that I will be led where I need to go today
• that my life is full of generous people
• that I am still watching my priorities change

The primary problem for the alcoholic is ego -- the primary solution is surrender. - Barney M.

04.29.08

I'll be pleased today that I can remember the past without living in it. I am free from the old hurts and problems that would keep me from directing all of my energies and attention to what I am doing here and now. ~Walk in Dry Places

Today I am grateful...

• that I spoke with Chester and he went to welcome Dolly to the Rainbow Bridge
• for the documentary I saw last night about Amma, the hugging saint
• that I am now a VIP member of live365.com and have uninterrupted Internet radio
• for the great first step meeting and for Walter who was at his first meeting and picked up a desire chip
• that we are at our best when we are rallying around another drunk

A friend will see us at our worst, as well as our best. A friend will not close his or her heart when we have made a mistake. A friend will not condemn us but will compassionately support our return to a state of grace. ~Marianne Williamson

04.28.08

Live with a positive, enthusiastic and thankful frame of life. And within that empowering frame, you will create a masterpiece that grows more beautiful with each moment. ~Ralph Marston

Today I am grateful...

• that it is amusing to me when I wake in the morning not knowing what day it is. This morning I thought it was Sunday and Saturday morning I thought it was Sunday.
• that this morning I dreamt of success
• that life evolves if you let it
• for freedom from worry. I do not worry nearly as much as I used to before my life changed due to the remarkable program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Peace of mind is better than gold and just as precious. But unlike gold, peace comes when we ask for it and let it happen - not when we go in search of it. We look for a time to be peaceful. But what may seem to be a waste of time can be just what we need - a spot of sunlight, soft breezes, the sound of locusts humming in the night. The little things calm us and bring us rest. But the best comes when we release our hold on little cares, the voices that tell us how bad things are in the world - and just let peace seep in. Nothing so becomes us as stillness and quiet serenity. Nothing so aptly furnishes the background music like sounds of nature, the mockingbird's midnight song that expands our boundaries and enchants our hearts. ~A Cherokee Feast of Days

04.27.08

Each single one of us is said to be of infinite worth... each one of us is a god carrier, each one of us god's viceroy. Can you imagine if we really believed that? ~Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Today I am grateful...

• that the electric company replaced the transformer that blew yesterday morning. When I arrived home yesterday afternoon, late, and turned on the air conditioner I was anxious for some cool air (the gallery is stiflingly hot) they turned off the electricity so as to do their work. Argh.
• that I went to Lambda early to check my email and be inside air conditioning
• for a great and moving birthday night. But I must say I am confounded by many with long term sobriety that just go on and on and on. By the end of the night we don't want to hear long-winded self-centered shares, just say 'Thanks' and get on with it.
• that I am constantly humored by the actions of myself and others
• that I got to hang out a bit yesterday with Nancy Kienholz and chat about making art
• for the beautiful art by my friend Sheila Cloudt at West End Gallery
• that today it will be cool in Houston, with thunderstorms, which will make my day cool--plus, I LOVE STORMS

I noticed my hopelessness was because I had lost my freedom of choice. ~AA member

This atmosphere of approval and praise is apt to be so exhilarating as to put us off balance by creating an insatiable appetite for more of the same. Or we may be tipped over in the other direction when, in rare cases, we get a cool and skeptical reception. This will tempt us to argue, or to press our point insistently. Or maybe it will tempt us to discouragement and pessimism. But if we have prepared ourselves well in advance, such reactions will not deflect us from our steady and even purpose. ~Step 9 in the 12 X 12

11 in 4/4 Time

4 3/4" x 28" pencil on panel

04.26.08

Awakening can come softly as a gentle rain or suddenly as a clap of thunder. In either case, it takes us from one view of reality to another, requiring that we expand to meet the new experience and in the process become new. ~Julie Redstone

How funny. You read the above quote and this is how it relates to this morning. At 5:20, after waking a few times from the thunder and lightening, there was a loud bang and then silence...followed by the beeping drone of the computer's surge protector. The lights were out. So I went from a fairly blissful state to an awakened one where I not only had to pee, but had to find a flashlight and dig out the candles.

Bunny was hesitant to go outside as it seemed to be raining, but it wasn't. The rain had stopped but the lights were still on next door to the east and seemed to be off to the west. Every other house surrounding us seemed to not be affected. I came back in with Bunny in tow, poured a cup of coffee left over from yesterday, added creamer and sat at the desk. Couldn't log on since there was no juice for the computer.

I thought I had better check with the power company. No one had reported an outage and she asked if I had checked the breakers. For some reason I was thinking the breakers were outside and I just didn't want to bother with checking, so I told her to send out the crew. She told me there would be a charge if it wasn't located outside the house. No problem. After I hung up I checked the breaker box (in my clothes closet) and none were tripped. Plus the big bang surely didn't come from my couture collection! I looked in Mary's back door and her computer monitor was off, so was the security light at the side of her house. Looked like we were the only ones affected, along with the neighbor to the west. Is it odd that one transformer would furnish only two properties? That seems odd to me.

Back inside I sat down, finished my not quite iced but chilly coffee, which I love. I rarely drink hot coffee anymore. I said a little prayer to start the day and then I knew I could not sit there with no television or worse yet, no computer--NO INTERNET ACCESS!!!

So I let Buns out one more time, got dressed, blew out the candles and headed into Lambda Center where I always go Saturday mornings to do the week's bookkeeping. (I love that word, three double letters in a row!) So now I will do some meditation reading, hit a couple blogs and do my work. Then at noon I have an art show to attend--my friend, Sheila, is having a showing of her collages. Then report to Nau-haus Gallery to man things until 5PM. Go home, eat, shower and get to the Lambda birthday night celebration.

It was great driving through Montrose at 6AM in Saturday. Barely any movement, and Snowy delivered me safely here. Have a good day!

04.25.08

Pain and misery were realities in our using lives. We were unwilling either to accept our living situation or to change what was unacceptable in our lives. We attempted to escape life's pain by [drinking], but using only compounded our troubles. Our altered sense of reality became a nightmare. ~NA Basic Text

Today I am grateful...

• that my thirteen year old car passed the state inspection yesterday
• for dinner and coffee with a fellow AA last night
• that I am shown how to keep my eye on the prize
• that I have been able to follow some simple instructions
• for some spontaneous redirection of thoughts

I don't believe that A.A. works because I read it in a book or because I hear people say so. I believe it because I see people getting sober and staying sober. An actual demonstration is what convinces me. When I see the change in people, I can't help believing that A.A. works. We could listen to talk about A.A. all day and still not believe it, but when we see it work, we have to believe it. Seeing is believing. ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

04.24.08

All I have is today, this moment, now. I can spend this moment making it the best moment yet with fearlessness, trust, courage, confidence, faith and love or I can waste it with doubt, anxiety, worry, regret, anger, fear, distress and hurt. Knowing that whichever way I choose determines the experiences I will have, I choose to use the opportunity of each moment to live my life to the fullest, always choosing love. ~Carol A James

Today I am grateful...

• that time is passing and I am sober. Time has taken on such a different sense since I got sober--I can actually see it passing (or am I moving through it?), unlike when I was drunk every night and simply wanting my awareness of time to cease.
• to be at peace today, with no worries at this moment
• that it is the experience of life that matters, not most of the individual events
• for the fortifying spirit of my Higher Power
  

04.23.08

The door to the human heart can only be opened from the INSIDE. ~Walk in Dry Places

Today I am grateful...

• for yesterday's meeting on 'the God of your understanding'
• for a direct connection with a woman that had the toughest time getting and staying sober I have ever seen, to have yesterday looked at me directly in the eyes and I could see the change. It was thrilling.
• that I will continue to recommend Conversations with God to anyone searching for their own brand of spirituality
• that today I still have what it takes to stay sober
• that my sober days keep piling up

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. ~Ernest Hemingway

It's hard to listen in a complete way. Often we listen, but we're still thinking about ourselves. We wonder, "How do their words relate to me? Do I have anything to add?" Often, fear is behind these questions. We fear saying the wrong thing. We fear looking stupid. Good listeners know how to let go of their fears. To listen completely, we step outside ourselves, and we're totally there for someone else. Sometimes we listen for only a few moments. Sometimes we don't even agree with the people we're listening to. But we let them know that they count. What a gift we give when we listen in a complete way! ~Keep It Simple

04.22.08

God not as the unattainable, but as the unavoidable ~Conversations with God

Today I am grateful...

• that Dave's post today reminded me of THIS song...I LOVE this song
• for YouTube, a brilliant place on the internets
• that a loved one has made it back into the rooms
• that things are better today than they used to be, but still...I am a work in progress
• for sober Tuesdays

Moments of perception can build into a lifetime of spiritual serenity, as I have excellent reason to know. Roots of reality, supplanting the neurotic underbrush, will hold fast despite the high winds of the forces which would destroy us, or which we would use to destroy ourselves. ~Bill W

04.21.08

It is important to honor and value the differences in our packaging, but it is just as important to honor the gift of life inside each one of us, and the fact that, no matter how different the packaging, the gift inside is the same. ~DailyOm

Today I am grateful...

• for Jim's incredible vegetable soup and homemade French baguettes (with butter)
• that THIS and THIS sold last week. When I delivered the dog painting the woman buying it knows I am an alcoholic and said to me she loved what I told her, "Being an alcoholic was the best thing that ever happened to me, and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me." That stuck with her, but I have no memory of ever telling her. She then told me she was having trouble turning over her son's addiction and letting it go. So, it's true, we are the program in action.
• to be part of 'the divine spiritual economy' (As Bill Sees It, pg. 168)
• that my Higher Power will show me the way today

Life is filled with all sorts of wonderful opportunities for real fulfillment. There's no need to grab at everything that happens to come by. Every single day is precious and unique. Spend each day moving life forward in a personally meaningful way. Choose your commitments with care and grace, with love and purpose. Then you can truly know the joy of giving yourself fully to them. ~Ralph Marston

04.20.08

If we were rattling down a rough river, we would try to steer away from whirlpools and rocky rapids. Living each day requires the same alertness.

Today I am grateful...

• that yesterday morning I spent three hours trying to figure out the deposit at TLC. I never did figure it out, but I was able to walk away from it knowing it will be there later just waiting for me. Sound familiar?
• that I was able to be useful, along with another alcoholic, in the practice of the 12th Step
• that today is full of grace
• for each brick that has been removed from the Great Wall of Scott
• that I have not been in a bar since 1998
• that there is no substitute for contentment these days

Borrowing an idea from one Twelve Step program, we can detach from such people with love, even if circumstances require continuing contact with them. At whatever cost, we must avoid emotional whirlpools and rocky rapids in life. ~today's quotes from Walk in Dry Places

04.19.08

A sacred life is one that cannot be taken for granted. In every moment we are engaged in a gesture with life that asks us to bring all of our self to that moment. ~Julie Redstone

Today I am grateful...

• that I took care of myself yesterday. I was feeling emotionally off during the day and cut work short and came home and napped that feeling away.
• that I got to see an old friend last night and even have some one-on-one time with her
• for yesterday's meeting on spirituality. It was one of those meetings where my heart expanded past its normal boundaries. I love those times, they make everything worthwhile.
• that during the meeting I was reminded of the day previous when we were at a warehouse of things imported from Indonesia and other Asian places and the property's dog, a yellow Lab, decided it was time we played. With a large stick in her mouth she got the soccer ball and by bouncing it between her front legs brought it to me to kick. She would then run after it and return by the same moves, that ball bouncing back and forth between her legs. Everything disappeared except she and I and the joy of playing.

Resentment, fear and anger are related; resentment is the feeling I have when I remember that I didn't get my way in the past. Fear is the feeling I have when I don't think I'll get my way in the future. And anger is the feeling I have when I don't get my way right now! ~Doug D.

If you hate the whole human race yet demand it's approval at the same time...Welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous! ~Charlie C.

04.18.08

Both prayer and meditation are indispensable tools for navigating our relationship with the universe and with ourselves. They are also natural complements to one another, and one makes way for the other just as the crest of a wave gives way to its hollow. If we tend to do only one or the other, prayer or meditation, we may find that we are out of balance, and we might benefit from exploring the missing form of communication. There are times when we need to reach out and express ourselves, fully exorcising our insides, and times when we are empty, ready to rest in quiet receiving. When we allow ourselves to do both, we begin to have a true conversation with the universe. ~Daily Om

Today I am grateful...

• to remember Mom. Today she would have been 82.
• for Bunny the Boston Bull who was given Mom's nickname
• that I had my first nap and my first night's sleep on my new mattress. Ahhhhh.
• that it is cool and rainy this morning but will give way to a glorious afternoon
• that tonight I get to see a dear friend who moved back "home" several years ago

I should strive for a friendliness and helpfulness that will affect all who come near to me. I should try to see something to love in them. I should welcome them, bestow little courtesies and understandings on them, and help them if they ask for help. I must send no one away without a word of cheer, a feeling that I really care about them. God may have put the impulse in some despairing one's mind to come to me. They may not want to communicate with me unless they are are sure of a warm welcome. ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

04.17.08

In my recovery I am beginning to understand that so much "power" in the world is really fear. The power that seeks to attack first in order to feel secure is really fear. The power that always has to have an answer is really fear. The power that arrogantly refuses to listen is really fear. So much power is "fear" dressed in illusion!

Today I am grateful...

• for kindred spirits
• that this day will make available to me what I need
• that today I am one day further from my last drink
• that today I hope to have the time to drive out west to pick up me new mattress
• that I asked to have the awareness today that I walk in companionship with my Higher Power
• for things done for me that I cannot do for myself

Spiritual power has the ability to be vulnerable. It can live with confusion. It can stand alone. It allows others to walk away to pursue their happiness. Spiritual power can exist in suffering and loneliness, and it does not expect perfection.

My recovery is teaching me to live and let others live, too. My freedom must respect the freedom of others; respect is a two-way street! ~Fr Leo