Sculpture by Elaine Bradford at Lawndale Art Center

08.31.09

Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another. ~Condorcet

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Today I am grateful...

• another weekend has passed without developing a resentment
• that there is something missing compositionally from the painting I am working on. I will solve it eventually, but it's an interesting process getting there.
• that I am one of a kind, but that does not distinguish me in a group of alcoholics because there I am just an ordinary drunk
• that today I can take a compliment as it is intended and say 'thank you'
• that my life has been changed by the program of recovery and the 12 Steps
• to be creative and hopeful

Striving for excellence is a positive quality.

Striving for perfection is self-defeating.

~Language of Letting Go

08.30.09

You are rich in one respect – you have a spirit that is inexhaustible. Let no mean or selfish thought keep you from sharing this spirit. ~25 Hours a Day

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Today I am grateful...

• that I got to share the gratitude concept with two friends yesterday
• that I did a little follow the leader yesterday
• for Sundays that do not involve detoxing
• that I can write my gratitude list and keep up with two IMs on FB simultaneously
• that today I have what it takes and no superstitions can sway me from that thought

Love is something if you give away, you end up having more. ~Malvina Reynolds

08.29.09

If a person or a situation causes you to feel insecure, you have forgotten who you really are. ~Fr Leo

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Today I am grateful...

• that there is a little pop/dance-y song that I have become fond of and last night I played it loudly, over and over, and Bunny and I danced and played
• that I can act like a kid and find great joy in that
• that I figured out how I can make a 'quick list' in YouTube and then program it to play songs consecutively. Sorta like a mix tape. Groovy!
• for recovery based thought life
• that today I will pick up the gallery show invitations, do my bookkeeping work at TLC, attend birthday night where 40 people have signed up to celebrate their recovery milestones and try to be of service where I can

Most of us are on a long uphill climb at this moment. It is a climb we are making together, and yet a climb we can't do for each other. I can reach out my hand to you, and you can grasp my hand in return. But my steps are my own, just as you, too, can only take one-step at a time.
We look back at the periods that devastated us so long ago. And now we are here. We have climbed this far. We are stronger, saner, and more secure. Each step makes easier the next step--each step puts us on more solid ground. I may run into some rocks or even a boulder today. I have stepped around them in the past. I will do so again. ~Each Day a New Beginning

LOOK AWAY!

08.28.09

Never underestimate the power of your presence nor your ability to comfort and encourage. ~Fr Leo

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Today I am grateful...

• that although we had a little rain overnight and it's still August this morning there is definitely a coolness in the air that hasn't been around for months
• to exchange hitting bottom for a new life is a sweet deal
• that the street closest to me that leads out of the neighborhood is almost totally refurbished
• to not be so closed up, walled off, from the rest of humanity as I used to be
• for that moment of silence when the air conditioner kicks off, the refrigerator isn't running and the world holds onto the quiet

What will You do for me if I give You my heart's blossoming faith?

"My child, I shall take away your mind's brooding doubts." ~Sri Chinmoy

Sleepy Head Bunny

08.27.09

Habit is habit. And not to be flung out the window by man, but coaxed downstairs, a step at a time. ~Mark Twain

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Today I am grateful...

• for the Cleaning House meeting I attended last night. 43 people crowded into a little church ante room, sofas and folding chairs. Two birthdays were celebrated. Although it was overly warm in there, the joy of those attending was evident. It was one of those meetings where everyone knows everyone and feels like home. I used to attend this meeting in early sobriety. It's been five and a half years since I have been there.
• for the call I got on the way to that meeting from someone that seemed to want some help. I offered him the chance to ask, asked if he was okay, he said they would call later. He showed up at the meeting but disappeared as soon as it was over, but he called close to midnight and I was able to just listen without worrying about getting to bed because it was late. The gift of time, sometimes, is all people want or need.
• that since work is slow this month I have had the privilege to enjoy lots of free time
• that KAS celebrated her eighteen months yesterday!!!

[I]f we continue in the program and make sobriety our highest priority. We will realize too that the self we find in sobriety is the real self ... a person who was there all along but was crowded out and suppressed by the demands of our sick nature. This real self is what we were created to be, and sobriety brought its discovery. ~Walk in Dry Places

Chewing gum bear

08.26.09

If you continue to break the laws of honesty, purity, unselfishness, and love, you will be broken to some extent yourself. ~24 Hours a Day

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Today I am grateful...

• that yesterday was just as it was supposed to be and today probably will be, too
• that today is different enough from yesterday, but yet similar enough to not throw me off
• if you understand the previous line let me know
• for no desire to give up or go back

Doubt is the worst possible thief in our inner life. It takes away all our precious inner wealth. ~Sri Chinmoy

08.25.09

In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play. ~Friedrick Nietzsche

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Today I am grateful...

• for the powerful first step meeting last night. I got to sit between two of my favorite people on Earth, Dave and Bryan
• that I made it home without wetting my pants last night, I had to go when I left Lambda, then I went grocery shopping and it wasn't too bad--thought I could easily wait until I got home. But there is something about pulling into your parking spot, gathering up the bags of groceries and then the key fumbling starts, can't get the bags set down properly, then barely making it into the bathroom. But then...aaaahhhhhh...
• that last night someone said to me that I was one of the saddest people they had ever met in their early recovery, that they were a pretty good judge of people, that they didn't see that inside was a joyous, talented person. I said, "I went from sad to GLAD!"
• that recovery absolutely astounds me on a daily basis
• that the practice of gratitude has propelled me into another dimension

You are the creator of your own Serenity. It lives and breathes within your desire for Recovery. It is no mystery. It is a conscious choice. Serenity is born and flourishes, with the help of your Higher Power, through your own efforts to maintain order, stability and self-discipline within your everyday life. Serenity is a daily gift you give to yourself. Be generous! ~Lumpy Karma

That squirrel is everywhere!

08.24.09

Some people think that hanging in there shows great strength when the truth is 'letting go' is the real test of character. ~Unknown

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Today I am grateful...

• to start another week of recovery
• to know that in God's economy nothing is wasted
• that last night when I got in my car I noticed how differently I feel these days. Spiritually, emotionally and physically I am changing. Sometimes that feeling is to tangible. It is a nice reward, that recognition. It makes me smile.
• that when laughing I cannot concentrate on anything else, see below
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What is not love is fear. Anger is one of fear's most potent faces. And it does exactly what fear wants it to do. It keeps us from receiving love at exactly the moment when we need it most. ~Marianne Williamson

08.23.09

My friend, if I could give you one thing, I would give you the ability to see yourself as others see you... then you would realize what a truly special person you are. ~Barbara A. Billings

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Today I am grateful...

• for up close and personal time with friends
• for the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous
• that the Service Auction last night raised $3,700+ for the Houston Round Up
• that I was able to have carbs several times yesterday and not gain a pound
• that though I woke up feeling a little sad (I think because of the dream I had where I rescued two Boston Bulldogs) I know it will quickly pass

When illumination dawns in a human being, God is no longer just a promise, but an actual achievement. ~Sri Chinmoy

08.22.09

For years I rushed around being busy and I missed me. ~Fr Leo

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Today I am grateful...

• for the odd phenomenon of Friday afternoon frustrations. When I am anxious to get home everyone seems to slow down. It's weird I tell ya.
• for the glorious show Mother Nature gave us last night
• for all the little glories in my life. I have had so many little joys lately, stuff that makes me simply happy to be in their company
• that I have loving and positive people in my life today
• for connections that answer many of my questions
• to replace old fears with positive thoughts and actions
• that any hiding out today is relatively small compared to the elaborate isolating behaviors of my past. Many things diminish in importance when exposed to the light.
• that today will give me what I put into it

And then one ill-defined day, one day I can't recall, I stepped across the line that alcoholics know so well, and from that day on drinking was miserable. ~Big Book p. 346

08.21.09

My stability came out of trying to give, not out of demanding that I receive. ~The Best Of Bill

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Today I am grateful...

• that locally we have a lot of AA birthdays in August. Why anyone chose such a warm month to get sober is beyond me. I waited until it was cooler. Just sayin'.
• that at the last minute I decided to attend an opening at the CAMH and heard a local ambient duo perform their music. It was beautiful. You can listen to their music from that link.
• that the program taught me when I entered that I wasn't flawed, I had a disease
• that I have a life of privilege many do not get to experience
• that we are all healers when we offer our hand

In recovery, we can more easily forgive ourselves for past actions when we realize they came out of a misguided attempt to meet basic needs. A starving person will seek out garbage. Starved as we were for necessities of life, we sought a form of garbage. The good news in AA recovery is that sobriety will help us meet basic needs in the right way. ~Walk in Dry Places

08.20.09

Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. ~M. Scott Peck (This is also my definition of procrastination.)

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Today I am grateful...

• for free Wednesdays where I have no schedule except what makes me happy. Had one of those yesterday and it was grand.
• that I got the two pieces framed for the show, now to trot them back up there and get them hung
• that I have watched so many people grow through the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I see people get 12 years and remember when I came into the program they had 6. I see people that came in and got it, they get a couple years and I know from seeing all this that I have been pulled along by the program.
• that My Higher Power has shown me some things that just seem like secrets--stuff I would have never been privilege to know or experience while drunk. I like being on that side of things.
• that the Serenity Prayer was my Mom's favorite

Today I know that I belong. I am not alone. I do not exist outside of the human race. I am an important part of this world.

Addiction makes us feel different, separated and isolated. It keeps us divided within ourselves, our family and relationships. So long as it can do this, it wins.

Now I know that I belong. I make up a part of the whole. Something of this universe is mine.

I am not an island unto myself. I am an essential part of the human race. I am at home in my world. ~Fr Leo

08.19.09

When you see a snake, never mind where he came from. ~W. G. Benham

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Today I am grateful...

• to have slept well and the sciatic pain is less this morning
• when I find someone who shares the passion for recovery, who gets the joke and is equally responsible for the joke--and for the ease of conversation all that offers
• to marvel at being impressed with someone with a few months of sobriety when their share respects the traditions, and to watch someone with long term share about the same thing and violate traditions all over the place
• that my art keeps teaching me as I go. It is a totally mysterious process to me.
• that today can be as good as I make it, and even better than that!

So many alcoholics have died looking for "the problem" that made them drink. The wife, family, neighborhood or unemployment was why they thought they got drunk. They died seeking a reason. ~Fr Leo

08.18.09

The idea that we can be possessively loving of a few, can ignore the many, and can continue to fear or hate anybody at all, has to be abandoned... ~Bill W

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Today I am grateful...

• for the great first step Beginner's meeting last night
• to share with another the intense love of the program of AA, how it is no longer the thought of sobriety, it's the practice
• for the love of friends new and old, of family here and gone
• for the mystery of seeing that little cicada emerging last night (see post below)
• that I am hoping some ibuprofen will lessen the sciatic pain I had last night when I got home and is still present this morning

Be grateful for the wind. You need to learn to fly. ~More Language of Letting Go

How exciting! When I got home from the meeting tonight there was a cicada emerging from its dried outer skin (molting) on the door frame to my place. It will go on to sing night music. I whispered a little prayer to it of thanks for the future serenade.

08.17.09

At the end of every storm is calm. At the end of every argument is silence. At the end of one relationship there is another. Although life is composed of many endings, there are just as many new beginnings. ~Hazelden

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Today I am grateful...

• that I spent four hours dressing the paintings and rehanging the show. It's up and looks great, just waiting for visitors.
• for the company of a friend as I worked. Recovery opens so many doors.
• that my friend said to me that he keeps being reminded that he is where he wanted to be and has even bigger dreams now. I love recovery conversation.
• that I wasn't at Woodstock. And oh, how I wanted to be a hippy.
• for the squirrel vacation picture!

We must think deeply of all those sick ones still to come to A.A. As they try to make their return to faith and to life, we want them to find everything in A.A. that we have found, and yet more, if that be possible. No care, no vigilance, no effort to preserve A.A.'s constant effectiveness and spiritual strength will ever be too great to hold us in full readiness for the day of their homecoming. ~Bill W

Wrong Side of a Dream

22" x 28", acrylic on canvas

Bunny with his lifesaver squeakie.

08.16.09

We are quiet fighters, but we're strong, for we do not fight alone. And we know what waits for us if we lose. ~Keep It Simple

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Today I am grateful...

• that I got to do my work at TLC yesterday, fellowship and fun at lunch, nap, shower, the social of ice cream and fixin's, cupcakes, brownies and lots of other sweet stuff. Then there was the play recreating the first ever gay hospitality suite at the Intl AA Conference in New Orleans in 1980. It was hosted by the Lambda Center and grew so quickly the hotel gave them a free ballroom to meet in. It was a cause for celebration because so many gay AAs had never been in a gay recovery environment. It also spawned the creation of other Lambda Centers as people visited Houston to see what the deal was. We have something special here and I am incredibly grateful for it. The play was wicked funny and had several moments that moved me to watery eyes.
• for a greater ease of making friends than ever in my life
• that this morning I will go to the gallery to make ready the paintings for hanging, hang what I can and try to beat the heat of the day
• that I will have what I need for this day

When drinking, they were strangers. Sometimes they were so inaccessible that it seemed as though a great wall had been built around them. ~BB, p. 107

Faith is not necessary when you know how things are going to work out, - that's knowledge. It's in the time of unknowing that having faith is what sees you through to the other side. Faith is what gives you strength. Faith is that light in your heart that keeps on shining even when it's all darkness outside. Now is the time to keep that faith alive! ~God Wants You to Know

08.15.09

The greatest power is often simple patience. ~E. Joseph Cossman

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Today I am grateful...

• to have gotten caught up last night on True Blood--those damned cliff hangers!
• that since I could not get to sleep at a decent hour last night, a rare occurrence for me any more, I chatted with a couple new friends on FB and was able to drift off sometime after 1AM
• that today will be Lambda work this morning, lunch fellowship, nap time, ice cream social and recovery play this evening, maybe a speaker meeting or dinner
• that the possibilities are only limited by my imagination
• that I have been able to monitor my weight

Something must die in order to grow - your old habits, your old self image, your old thinking, your old life - must be weeded out for the seeds of success to grow. ~Doug Firebaugh

Not the ones from last night!

08.14.09

Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light. ~ Albert Schweitzer

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Today I am grateful...

• that I can wish my good friend, Bob S., a Happy 86th Birthday!!! Love you, Bob!
• that my old thoughts have been replaced with these new ones. I thought I would die with those old thoughts.
• for the fun last night at the Jason Villegas opening at the CAM last night and ice cream, chocolate tres leches cake and laughter at Chocolate Bar afterward. Not to mention the cute table of nuns beside us.
• that Fridays in sobriety are about as good as it gets, but then there is Saturday and Sunday and those are probably as good as it really gets

I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let's face it, friends make life a lot more fun. ~Charles R. Swindoll

08.13.09

Point all your actions, large and small, important and seemingly insignificant, in the direction you wish to see your life move. Time will combine all those actions into an increasingly powerful set of results, and now is when you can choose those results. ~Ralph Marston

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Today I am grateful...

• that we will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us
• that the program of AA has allowed me to move through the world as a much more compassionate person
• that although I have a great big desire to write a lot about something that happened yesterday, it's better that I just stay quiet
• that things are different today than they were 5 years and 9 months ago
• that every day my Higher Power shares lots of little secrets with me--and that tickles me

We had but two alternatives; one was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could, and the other was to accept spiritual help. ~Big Book

*Oh, snap!* While drinking, we were certain that our intelligence, backed by will power, could rightly control our inner lives and guarantee us success in the world around us. This brave philosophy, wherein each man played God, sounded good in the speaking, but it still had to meet the acid test: How well did it actually work? One good look in the mirror was answer enough. ~12&12

08.12.09

Maybe we should be glad life isn't fair. Why? Most of us caused a lot of trouble we've never had to pay for. And we've hurt a lot of people who haven't gotten even. Would we really want life to be fair? ~Keep It Simple

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Today I am grateful...

• that while I would love to return to bed for some more sleep, I will be fine if I don't get it
• that Chevy has introduced the Volt that they claim will get over 230 miles per gallon
• that I got to share in depth with several people yesterday about the power of the recovery program called Alcoholics Anonymous and how it changes lives
• that in the fellowship friendships are easily formed
• for a life of passion when the previous one left me wondering why I had no passion for anything of value

The expression of praise as thanksgiving, gratitude, and joy is among the most powerful forms of affirmation. ~Catherine Ponder

08.11.09

Are people still having trouble with spam comments? Because those new-fangled word verification exercises I have to go through just to leave someone a comment are getting annoying. Just sayin'.
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We find that the smallest deed is better than the grandest intention. ~Pocket Sponsor

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Today I am grateful...

• that at least I can become aware that my mind is sometimes out to get me
• that although I feel a little unsettled this morning, sort of free floating stuff, tonight I meet with someone to discuss the principle behind the first step--honesty and afterward I know I will feel recharged.
• that tuna salad sorta seems already chewed, but that doesn't mean it grosses me out
• that I wonder if I could get some publicity if I came out as the biological father of one or all of Michael Jackson's children. Any comments?
• that after two months of my old printer sitting in the box of the new one beside the front door has made its way outside. Now it is just sitting outside the front door wondering if it will ever find a permanent resting place. I really have no idea where to take it. bleh

The peace that I feel in my life is growing richer every day. As I continue to walk on my spiritual path to recovery, I let myself be guided by truth and love. Conflict is leaving, making more and more room for charity, serenity and usefulness. ~The Language of Letting Go

The Somnambulist

12" x 12", acrylic on canvas

08.10.09

I have learned this: it is not what one does that is wrong, but what one becomes as a consequence of it. ~Oscar Wilde

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Today I am grateful...

• that today will be a better day if I stand out of the way
• for my own program and the fraud protection it provides me
• that today I feel so much less of a fraud than I have ever felt in this lifetime
• that today I do not have to put any alcohol into my body and have no desire to do so. That is a constant miracle.
• for the memories of cool summer nights in Kentucky growing up, playing hide and seek, catching lightening bugs and how black the sky was and how brightly the stars shined. As I would fall asleep the attic fan pulled the night over my face.

People have a need to feel their pain. Very often pain is the beginning of a great deal of awareness. As an energy, it awakens consciousness. ~Arnold Mindell

08.09.09

You may not always know what is right but you sure know what is wrong. Anytime you have to give excuses for why you do what you do, it’s wrong. If I have to explain or excuse it, then I can do without it. ~Pocket Sponsor

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Today I am grateful...

• for daily astonishment at the simple things that overwhelm me with gratitude. Last night it was just hearing from someone I only know from the blogosphere, both of us acknowledging our friendship. We have never met in person.
• for the feeling of being filled and fulfilled
• to be surrounded by those who try to improve their experience by striving to be the best they can be. That probably includes you, and if so, congratulations.
• that my life is full of reflections, in others and in mirrors (that means I am not a vampire)

The higher the hair, the closer to God

08.09.09

Most of the time, other people don't really deceive us. We deceive ourselves by refusing to face life realistically. We often believe false information simply because we want to believe it. ~Walk in Dry Places

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Today I am grateful...

• that it is sort of overwhelming how much is available to me these days
• for a Saturday morning peaceful heart
• that my meditation radio station continues to serenade my morning quiet time
• to not shirk from a ringing telephone. This morning someone called, a relative closing in on their Continuation Day, just needing someone to tell her all is okay. I can be there for that. It is a privilege to be called upon.
• that this morning I get to meet with my sponsor. This man sponsors so many people is kind and gentle and can laugh at life's speed bumps without complaint or judgement. I am lucky to have him as a guide.

We can still retain our capacity for believing in wonders and miracles. We have experienced enough miracles to prove that they really happen. ~Walk in Dry Places

Sobriety. It's an exciting adventure. It's a spiritual adventure. We look inward. We find where our Higher Power lives: within us. We then reach outward. We share our joy with others. Not with words and preaching, but by trying to help others. Sobriety is faith turned into action.

Sobriety. It's an adventure in coming to know one's self. At times, we'll have to face our fears. But we'll also find just how much love we have for life.

Sobriety. It's as if we're on a trip. Our Higher Power holds the map. Our job is to listen. And we go in the direction we're told. ~Keep It Simple

08.07.09 = out of order

Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start. ~Nido Qubein

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Today I am grateful...

• that yesterday I removed myself from a situation that was out of my control
• that Bunny and I hope to be first in line this morning for his heart worm check up and meds
• that if I take my time every morning, there is peace to start my day
• that there are some things I don't know
• that there are things I will learn today
• that since I am an alcoholic, today I have the choice to be a recovering alcoholic. I will make that choice by practicing my program.

We discover that who we are has always been good enough. It is who we were intended to be. ~Marianne Williamson

Romance of a Plain Man

24" x 20", acrylic on canvas

08.06.09

Then we realize that we're both special and generic, and we use his knowledge for self-improvement rather than self-destruction. ~Mel B

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Today I am grateful...

• that Bill got those two women home. There are some crazy people you just don't want to mess with.
• for yesterday's speaker meeting where the speaker confirmed you cannot run away from yourself, no matter how far around the globe you travel
• that I am not upset about Paula Abdul leaving American Idol
• that there is more than one way to reach the goal, and that I have found my own path
• for friends and loved ones and those who are both

Rather than regretting that I wasted half of my life drinking, I am just grateful that God has given me the rare opportunity to live two lives in one lifetime. ~unknown

My Madmen Portrait

08.05.09

Without forgiveness life is governed...by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation. ~Robert Assaglioli

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Today I am grateful...

• that yesterday's dental work is over with. My jaw is sooooooooo sore.
• for all the miracles that sat in Room 3 yesterday at Lambda Center along side me
• to know to watch my emotions as the full moon and lunar eclipse happen this evening. Their effect may be felt for a few days, too.
• that some days I am more fearless than ever and some days I am still susceptible to anxiety. I have to maintain a watchful stance.
• that I don't have to figure it all out

In the wake of my spiritual experience there came a vision of a society of alcoholics. If each sufferer were to carry the news of the scientific hopelessness of alcoholism to each new prospect, he might be able to lay every newcomer wide open to a transforming spiritual experience. This concept proved to be the foundation of such success as A.A. has since achieved. ~Bill W

08.04.09

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland

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Today I am grateful...

• for a sign yesterday that I am moving and thinking in the right direction
• that I do not have to take anti-depressants. I did years ago and they helped me immensely, and they continue to help countless others. I am just really, really grateful to be able to live without them.
• for spiritual maintenance in all its forms
• that the property I live on, which housed a local NA group for years, continues to provide healing energy
• that today I do not have to put any alcohol into my body and have no desire to do so. That is a constant miracle.

Have compassion for yourself and others. Everyone is doing the best they can based on their life experiences. Everyone is learning and growing, and so are you. ~Doc Childre and Sara Paddison

2,738th post!

Waking to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be. ~Jim Britt

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Today I am grateful...

• for a totally satisfying weekend
• that I am safe and cared for by a loving Higher Power
• for this journey back to knowing
• that people are seeming less crazy. The past two weeks have been a doozy.
• for the gift of prayer and the practice of gratitude. Life is so different with them.

There are few better means of self-survey and of developing patience than the workouts these usually well-meaning but erratic members so often afford us. ~As Bill Sees It

I had to share this.

I got this from a friend via email:

Have you ever tried that method where people face the fears in real life? Like my old sponsor (knowing i was suffering badly from FIRE OCD) would call me at work to tell me she saw fire trucks in my apartment complex. I eventually broke up with that sponsor for other reasons and she called me at work to cuss me out for it. She wasn't really well you see.

Have you ever?

PS I got permission to share this with you.

08.02.09

If we persist in "being the way we are" even when it doesn't work, we have nobody to blame but ourselves when things go wrong. ~Walk in Dry Places

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I just woke up from a fuzzy dream

You never would believe the things that I have seen

~Madonna

• well it really wasn't all that fuzzy because I remember vivid details about Madonna's apartment in NYC. We hung out, laughed, talked about future stuff. The rooms were gigantic, dark walls, outside walls of windows with heavy coverings. We were buds. I woke feeling like we really knew each other. I have had those dreams of her before--where when I woke I had the familiarity of knowing someone. I had a dream once about Princess Diana that affected me in that way. Peculiar.

Last night I painted, researched for my visual feasting I need and get from the Internet, looked for people on Facebook and found some. I shared with a friend about losing a loved one and how our Higher Power is closer to us when we are in pain than any other time. (This has been my experience.) How during pain we are poised for spiritual growth.

...pain is the touchstone of all spiritual progress. ~12 & 12

Today I feel that I am poised for success. I have lived my life with a fear of success. I always felt less than, separate from, not enough. Today I still have little flare ups, but in general I feel fulfilled and purposeful. I know I am on track. That is a true gift.

Sometimes ... in the silence of my car, my joy is so great and my gratitude so overwhelming, I can do nothing but laugh. ~Fr Leo

8+1=9

The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. ~Big Book

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Today I am grateful...

• to be up and at it again
• that I can be a responsible pet owner and give Bunny a good life
• that as a trade off I get unconditional love
• that life led me to Houston, here I have found my home
• for Lambda, my home away from home

It may even be that sincerity, like sobriety, has to be sought on a daily basis. Perhaps we are capable of being sincere today, and then lapse into insincerity tomorrow. To accept this is a sign of prudence and maturity, and perhaps even a measure of humility. ~Walk In Dry Places