MoreCreepies

Happy Halloween

10.31.09

Every saint has a past and every sinner a future. ~Oscar Wilde

Today I am grateful...

• that it's Halloween and I don't have to fear driving while intoxicated tonight
• that Dave was corrected when he said "Men don't wear outfits." lol
• that I was gifted with a real Avanti yesterday
• that today my fears are all manufactured in my wee brain
• that tonight is birthday night at Lambda Center followed by a costume contest and dance
  

A gypsy fire is on the hearth,
Sign of the carnival of mirth;
Through the dun fields and from the glade
Flash merry folk in masquerade,
For this is Hallowe'en!
~Author Unknown

10.30.09

I have learned not to hold back and wait for friends to come to me, but to go half way and to be met half way, openly and freely. ~24 Hours a Day

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Today I am grateful...

• to have fallen asleep last night listening to the rythym of the falling rain and soft thunder
• that sobriety is magical (see below)
• for 5.95 years of sobriety
• that I have some good Halloween memories
• that when the hard shell was cracked there is plenty of soft stuff inside to last

How nice to have the fog lifted! Sobriety lets our wits grow sharper. We can go after our dreams and ideas. We can listen to music and sing. We are part of the magic of the universe. At times we may not feel very magical, but we are. Our spirits hold much magic. Sobriety is magic. We work at making the world a better place. In doing so, we get magical powers. Power that heals and comfort others. Power that heals and comforts others. Powers to understand things that before we could not. Powers that let us see the world as we’ve never seen it. Enjoy the magic and use your powers wisely! ~Keep It Simple

10.29.09

Today I am running the numbers. 1 - 12.

Today I am grateful...

• that I could stay up until 1AM playing interactive Scrabble on my iPhone with BB
• that Blogger is acting up this morning and I am posting in Firefox in an attempt to make it work
• that I am trying to focus more on compassion
  
• that what I keep in my head majorly influences hos I experience the world so I try to keep all that as healthy as possible
• that people find their way into the rooms of AA every day. Some stay. Some make it.
  

Sometimes the lesson may be a simple reminder to see the sacred in your ordinary life or to practice compassion for yourself as well as for others. Sometimes what we're going through is part of a larger lesson, one that may take us years to complete and comprehend. It's easy to fall into the false belief that there's some lesson that we have to push and struggle to learn. There isn't. ~More Language of Letting Go

10.28.09

Although we have been made to believe that if we let go we will end up with nothing, life itself reveals again and again the opposite; that letting go is the path to real freedom. ~Sogyai Rinpoche

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Today I am grateful...

• that yesterday fell together as it was intended
• to have met with a photographer who will start documenting and storing the photo files so we can produce prints of my work
• to have been given the gift of responding to others in a generous manner, that is a direct result of diminishing fears
• that I am learning how to use a calendar daily, I actually have stuff to keep up with these days. How different is that?
• that the search is on for additional 'earths'

God is to be discovered not merely in pious sentiments, as attractive as they may sound, but rather in the small steps of altered behavior. ~Fr Leo

Pam, just hold on until after Halloween

10.27.09

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato

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Today I am grateful...

• for the perfect day off yesterday. Gray, dark, rainy day. I shopped for eyeglasses--frames are just too expensive (the ones I want). I visited thrift stores and found some great buys. At the grocery store I told a woman her little round eyeglasses were great. She had boxes of chocolates, boxes of wine and 4 umbrellas in her cart. I mentioned she was having a party and she commented the wine was good to which I said there wasn't enough wine in that store for me. That led to a conversation about me being in AA, that she took her best friend for her 50th birthday to New Orleans and found a meeting for she and her friend to attend at Lambda N.O. Then I relayed the story about Lambda Houston setting up the first gay and lesbian hospitality suite at the N.O. national AA convention some 25+ years ago. She mentioned that we have a lesbian running for mayor and four other candidates for city positions are gay or lesbian. The chocolates were for her son in college, the 4 umbrellas were for her daughter and her friends in the car pool because they are not smart enough to get out of the rain. It was a charming interaction with a stranger, something again that would not have happened if I were still drinking. I gave her my card and she asked what I did, I said I painted and she said she would keep up with that!
• that in the Beginners meeting last night I was shown again that it is what I can bring to a meeting, not to be uncomfortable when the disease is bubbling in the room at eye level
• that I am back on my restricted eating plan and am down three pounds from Sunday
• that lately I have felt so good mentally, emotionally and spiritually that it is hard to imagine it getting better, but life keeps on doing just that

I am of some use in the world. I have a purpose in life. I am worth something at last. My life has a direction and a meaning. All that feeling of futility is gone. I can do something worthwhile. God has given me a new lease on life so that I can help other alcoholics. He has let me live through all the hazards of my alcoholic life to bring me at last to a place of real usefulness in the world. He has let me live for this. This is my opportunity and my destiny. I am worth something! ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

10.26.09

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. ~Lao-tzu

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Today I am grateful...

• that my choice of seat was determined by my being late for the 9:30 AM meeting yesterday. My neighbor and I experienced the power of an emotional share from a man 33 years sober, about having chosen in early sobriety to attend a fancy-schmancy party with his old friends. When he found he couldn't stay long he drove past the restaurant where his new, sober fellowship met for dinner and he tearfully shared that he felt so lost because he so badly wanted to be sitting in that restaurant. My neighbor in the meeting and I were in tears, too, because we recognized the power and the beauty that recovery has given us. We were sniffling messes--but good messes.
• that I have today off and it's cool, breezy, dark and rainy. I will go for my flu shot and let my HP direct me the rest of the way.
• that the umbrella of recovery will keep me dry today

Though many of us have had to struggle for sobriety, never yet has this Fellowship had to struggle for lost unity. Consequently, we sometimes take this one great gift for granted. We forget that, should we lose our unity, the millions of alcoholics who still 'do not know' might never get their chance. ~Bill W

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We also know that any alcoholic can easily become cross-addicted if he or she uses other drugs. Our best course is to keep the door open for any person who comes to AA sincerely desiring help. If people find their answer in AA, they probably belong in the fellowship. ~Walk in Dry Places

10.25.09

...even the smallest, slowest steps, when they have a well-defined direction, can take you to the most ambitious and valuable goal. Once you're clear about your direction, your thoughts and actions will begin to take you there. For your life is a swift arrow in need of a target. -Ralph Marston

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Today I am grateful...

• for the raw fun of last nights Drag Auction at the Lambda Center
• for the knowledge of having faults and that with some work they will not kill me
• for the privilege of watching others grow in their program
• for all the luxuries my life brings me
• that I have access to one of the country's best recovery centers, Lambda, and that it is only five minutes from home
• for a direct experience of accepting what God has provided

Giving is in harmony with God's will. It is a shining act of love. Give liberally as God gives. ~Swami Muktananda

10.24.09

If you don't ask, you don't get. ~unknown
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Today I am grateful...

• for an evening of great art, laughter, squeezing in a half meeting, late dinner with a friend
• that I can have actual conversations with strangers, complete with whole sentences and eye contact. It didn't used to be that way.
• for the bonding friendships in recovery
• that the power of observation reveals a multitude of life's miracles
• for the blessings of having Bunny in my life

If God had a name, what would it be / And would you call it to his face / If you were faced with him in all his glory / What would you ask if you had just one question? ~Joan Osborne 'What if God Was One of Us'

10.23.09

I used to be shy. You made me sing. ~Rumi

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Today I am grateful...

• for my commitment to write a daily gratitude list and post
• that my HP is kind and loving, not demanding and punishing
• that my relationship with strangers is different than it has ever been
• that I used to run FROM, now I run TOWARDS
• that the literature teaches me that my main problem is my thinking

We have these two forces; this insatiable thirst, compulsion, hunger, yearning, call it what you will. We don't know what we're looking for but we're searching. And the other force; the escape. We're running, not knowing what from. - Eddie E.

I would totally love an Avanti!

10.22.09

I am a procrastinator, so you can see why I value this quote:
Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. ~M. Scott Peck

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Today I am grateful...

• that more likely than not I will have what I need for this day
• that I got off the merry-go-round
• that I no longer gag when I am brushing my teeth
• that today I live as free as my program lets me
• that today I will strive to be 'right sized'

Say your truth—kindly, but fully and completely. Live your truth, gently, but totally and consistently. Change your truth easily and quickly when your experience brings you new clarity. ~Conversations with God

10.21.09

We will want the good that is in us all, even in the worst of us, to flower and to grow. ~Bill W

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Today I am grateful...

• that sometimes life is so different I do not recognize it as mine
• for God's winks
• for evolving in recovery
• that step three clears a path for my life to blossom
• that patience in the creative process is rewarded

Today I have a healthy respect for what the majority may feel but I also trust and follow my conscience. I know that to be in the minority is not necessarily to be in the wrong. My recovery insists that I listen to my conscience, that inner self that is based on a program of honesty, that spiritual cornerstone of my life that I have come to trust. ~Fr Leo

10.20.09

Accepting [a] gift with gratitude and using it to the best of our ability is true humility. ~Daily Om

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Today I am grateful...

• that life in recovery has awesome moments
• to see AP and BS in their improv debut. It was the kind of fun where laughter takes over and just goes and goes...
• to ride in Dave's new, old, Caddy and have the cool night air swirl around me as we chatted about how life in recovery just keeps getting better and better
• for fellowship that included AP's kids and more laughter
• that late last night a friend and I were having a conversation via email/FB. We had seen our friend Angela last night, I had left a link to My Love by Petula Clark on his wall and told him a story about being in college and a friend who got a used copy of Color Me Barbra. Inside the album cover was a greeting card sent from one man to his lover in Vietnam. It said "I'm lying here listening to our girl, Pet Clark." Back in that dorm room we were taken by that and wondered what happened to those two guys. During all this, last night, I got a comment on yesterday's post from Nikki about how she found me by Googling unsalty tears and it concerned soldiers in war times (read her comment) and noticed on my sidebar the painting of Angela's dogs. She related the Native American story behind it, which Angela shares and was the impetus behind the painting. BB and I had shared that story last night, had been with AP and her kids, and Nikki found all that and left her comment. The whole circle of those events left me astonished.

Knowing Gods gift of inner strength and courage, I move forward with the things that once terrified me. ~Shelly

10.19.09

Never speak the truth in a way that will hurt others. ~Baba Muktananda

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Today I am grateful...

• for the calendar feature on my phone. I am still having trouble remembering to check it daily, even several times a day...I still have trouble remembering what is on the days schedule
• that the light feeling of sadness from yesterday seems to have passed
• for all the low maintenance people in my life
• that my thinking is redirected daily
• that when I can relax the world is not so taut

In your self-discovery, ego, with all its limitations, cannot breathe. When peace, light and bliss descend from above, vanity, pride and ego disappear. ~Sri Chinmoy

10.18.09

To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee. ~William H. Walton

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Today I am grateful for...

• service work
• Round Up car wash
• sponsor meeting
• afternoon nap
• fellowship dinner
• gallery opening
• desert on the patio
• laughing with friends
• inside jokes
• falling asleep smiling

You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful, the more will be given you. ~Sarah Ban Breathnach

Confusing

10.17.09

Every child is an artist. The problem is to remain an artist once your grow up. ~Pablo Picasso

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Today I am grateful...

• to be involved in life
• for fun art fellowship last night
• for those who relapse and make it back, so I don't have to do the research myself
• that I am often repelled by what fascinates the general public
• for the lives I touch and the lives that touch me

No person whose fear reaches a panic stage can effectively control his or her actions.We cannot expect sobriety alone to make us exempt from fear. What it can do is give us an ability to handle our fear constructively. ~Walk in Dry Places

10.16.09

The only thing you get from sitting on the pity pot is a ring around your butt and nobody to show it to! ~Anonymous

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Today I am grateful...

• that SoJo are looking at the cutest brindle Boxer pup
• that right now I have what I want and want what I have = peace of mind
• that today I will strive to bring forth my reality in a form that is loving, healing and fun
• to have a higher power that supports my thoughts--that is, in fact, the impetus behind my thoughts
• that I have been given the power to create my experience by the thoughts I choose

Baba taught me to take responsibility for my life, for my actions, and for myself … To have devotion, to have love for (God), does not mean that you just sit there and do nothing and let (God) do everything. It means to take responsibility. ~Gurumayi Chidvilasananda

10.15.09

We’ve stopped acting as if we have no choice. ~Keep It Simple

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TodayI am grateful...

• for the promise of cool weather on its way. Seriously, today's high projected to be 92º. Enough!
• that I can pray anywhere, anytime about anything
• for those counting days and those counting years
• for the rebirth the program of Alcoholics Anonymous has given me
• that my higher power removed whatever was blocking me from getting and staying sober

All spiritual awakenings have some things in common. Common elements include an end to loneliness and a sense of direction in our lives. ~JFT

10.14.09

To pretend to be something we are not, or have a grandiose illusion about our own importance, misses the truth, misses our truth and misses our individuality. ~Fr Leo

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Today I am grateful...

• that the program of Alcoholics Anonymous has changed many things I thought to be true when I was active in my addiction
• that my mind was ready to accept the language of recovery
• for Herb and Dorothy. The incredible true story of a postal worker and a librarian who built a world-class art collection. It showed on PBS last night. They are so cute, so small, so dedicated to collecting their art. It is valued at hundreds of millions of dollars, yet they have never sold one piece and have donated all of it back to the people of the United States. Left me in awe.
• that today will purr along. I can go along with it or I can spit and arch my back. Guess it's my choice.
• that we are one more day closer to total fall weather (it's hot and humid and icky outside)

The alarming thing about pride-blindness is the ease with which it is justified. But we need not look far to see that self-justification is a universal destroyer of harmony and of love. It sets man against man, nation against nation. By it, every form of folly and violence can be made to look right, and even respectable. ~Bill W

A Better Day

12" x 9", acrylic and pencil on panel
Donation to Avenue CDC auction.

10.13.09

The world will often discourage you from giving love. Give love anyway. ~R. Marston

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Today I am grateful...

• that today I will do my best to roll with the punches
• that my life punches are usually pretty soft
• for the maintenance of the connection to a Higher Power
• that if we are given a share of liquor to drink in a lifetime, I have had mine and more
• for the Monday night Beginners meeting that keeps me right-sized

Self-pity is one of the most dangerous forms of self-centeredness. It fogs our vision. ~Kathy S.

I pray to see the path God lights for me as I am at times blinded by my own lack of consciousness or lack of faith. ~Shelley

10.12.09

My ego talks / My humility acts. ~Sri Chinmoy

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Today I am grateful...

• for another Monday to practice
• that this morning I feel rested and my cold seems to have abated
• that I feel blessed to be part of this year's Round Up
• that whatever today brings I am sure I will have help in handling it
• that the First Step, first thing in the morning, creates a nice perspective

Humility is the real secret of the spiritual life. When we embody humility, we neither underestimate nor overestimate our life. Humility is not a matter of touching the feet of somebody. It is our feeling of consecrated oneness with humanity. Real humility is the expansion of our consciousness. It is the God-life within us. The higher we go, the greater is our promise to the Supreme in mankind. The more light we receive by virtue of our humility, the more we have to offer mankind. ~Sri Chinmoy

10.11.09

It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required. ~Winston Churchill

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Today I am grateful...

• that my piece of the puzzle is fitting better
• for minimal daily drama
• when grown men cry
• that change can be painful and scary, and to know it is only a day at a time
• that trust and acceptance are the keys to happiness today

The Eleventh Step asks us to meditate as a route to improving our conscious contact with God. Meditation is different than obsessing or worrying. Obsession and worrying are fear connections. Meditation means opening our mind and our spiritual energy to the God connection. ~The Language of Letting Go

10.10.09

Criticizing an others garden does not keep the weeds out of yours. ~Unknown

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Today I am grateful...

• for the current events in my life. Things are just so interesting sober.
• that this weekend my show comes down. It is something I am extremely proud of, this body of work. It is an amazing feeling.
• that I can be creative, that it has become a passion. I never had a passion and saw others who did and wondered why I did not.
• that today I will do my bookkeeping work at Lambda, meet with someone to start their first step and tomorrow I will attend a meeting of workshop leaders for the Houston Round Up
• that the air conditioner hasn't kicked on since last evening. It's 57º this morning!

People say that artists are crazy, and I suppose this is true. But we need crazy people to take the world where it needs to go. In the crazy, the seed of genius is often buried. ~Fr Leo

More Pammie Blue - Tibetan Prayer Wheel

10.09.09

It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it. ~Lena Horne

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Today I am grateful...

• that we have a cool front on the way. Sometimes Mother Nature doesn't remember when summer has ended.
• that I am pretty much in the loop--if I pay attention
• because today I have some focus. I can concentrate on living my life, instead of the old days where I was hell bent on destroying it.
• that we are all healers when we offer our hand
• for trust in a Higher Power that sustains my life and sustains my future. I don't have to worry about it.

Humility is about speaking your mind, fighting for your ideas and opinions, creating through effort, sweat and debate. The humble man's ego is based on reality --- not fed on illusion. When he is wrong, he can admit it and is open to the ideas of others. ~Fr Leo

Blue Prayer Flags

10.08.09

Hatred is never anything but fear - if you feared no one, you would hate no one. ~Hugh Downs

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Today I am grateful...

• that I woke feeling a bit more normal. My nose feels more like the usual allergic nose I am used to.
• that I do not have to give in, but I do need to turn it over
• that I can recognize that every day I miss at least one chance to keep my mouth shut. I must practice viglance more and fear less.
• that when I see blue today I will think of Pam and her Mama
• when I practice patience things usually work smoother and my shoulders don't carry as much tension

Like a loud alarm clock, the First Step brings us to semi consciousness—although at this point, we may not be sure whether we want to climb out of bed or maybe sleep for just five more minutes. The gentle hand shaking our shoulders as we apply the Second and Third Steps causes us to stand up, stretch, and yawn. We need to wipe the sleep from our eyes to write the Fourth Step and share our Fifth. But as we work the Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, and Ninth Steps, we begin noticing a spring in our step and the start of a smile on our lips. Our spirits sing in the shower as we take the Tenth and Eleventh Steps. And then we practice the Twelfth, leaving the house in search of others to awaken. ~NA Just for Today

Release of Desire

24" x 24", acrylic on canvas

10.07.09

The first and greatest commandment is 'Don't let them scare you.' ~Elmer Davis

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Today I am grateful...

• that although I developed a fever last night it didn't continue and I woke feeling a little better
• that I need to remember most people are too self-centered to be concerned with what I am doing (or whatever anyone thinks of me is not my business)
• that I have done the work suggested and will strive today to continue. No resting on laurels.
• that I got to celebrate my ex-partner's birthday last night with close friends, at a really nice place. We have a great relationship today and he continues to be one of the most important people in my life, and has been for 26 years
• that one of the forms my Higher Power took was the sweetness that is Bunny, the Boston Bulldog. He snuggles next to me and in that I find great comfort, he makes me laugh and I see directly God's grace. I love a happy dog.

Though alcoholics can appear to have serious shortcomings, these problems are really only misguided attempts to satisfy needs that must be met. In the 12 Step program, we do not deny our human needs. We realize, however, that these needs must be met in moral, constructive ways. False methods of meeting needs will bring false, harmful results. We can meet our needs in an orderly manner by turning to our Higher Power and following the slow and impractical, but over the longer term we will come to see that it is the right way to live. Our instinctive needs are proper and God-given, but they must not run wild in our lives. Living sober also means taming our instincts. I'll not be surprised by the various needs I may feel today. I am committed, however, to a moral and principled response to these needs. ~Walk in Dry Places

10.06.09

It does not lighten our burden when we recklessly make the crosses of others heavy. ~Bill W

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Today I am grateful...

• to have made it through another night of cement block head and Saraha mouth
• that I have another day to be better than I was yesterday
• that I don't have a high-powered job
• that God sustains me
• that I asked for my thinking to be redirected

Your inner self is literal and does not understand ambiguity so whenever you direct it to manifest your desires, give it absolutely literal instructions. Your natural self is quite fond of accomplishing the tasks you give it. It loves to display its skills and perform for you and others, and can do nearly anything (within the realm of possibility and probability) that you can conceive. ~Enid Hoffman

10.05.09

Pride keeps my nose pushed against the picture so I cannot see the portrait! ~Fr Leo

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Today I am grateful...

• that colds don't last forever and sugar free honey lemon lozenges work wonders
• that I wish I had a dollar for every person that will dress as Michael Jackson this Halloween
• that there are some things I will never know or understand
• to have a place where I can be silent and safe
• for chipping away at The Great Wall of Scott, little by little

Sobriety is not likely to give us the equivalent of the euphoria we got from drinking, but a great sense of well-being based on realistic expectations is more satisfying than the ridiculous mental states we sought in drinking. Living the right kind of life will bring its own rewards. ~Walk in Dry Places

10.04.09

Your three best doctors are faith, time, and patience. ~fortune cookie

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Today I am grateful...

• that the gallery 'walk-about' went well despite the rain, we sold some paintings and some posters
• that I have friends that come out to support me, send me healing thoughts and make my life a pleasure
• that my throat held out with the help of some sugar free lozenges. This morning it is still very sore, my stuffy head is finally a little more open and there is definitely more sleep on today's gray, rainy agenda.
• that although I felt totally inadequate last night when a friend called in some relationship emotional distress, I could be there and generally always answer the phone
• that there is a solution

Today I have confidence in my life and I am experiencing consistency in my behavior and attitude. In recovery, things follow a natural progression and life is more like a series of curves than sharp peaks. As an addict, my life was forever going up and down, ecstasy followed by gloom; the "best ever" followed by depression; always black and white --- no grays.

Today I have some balance and consistency. Things are connected and grow in the process of change. Sudden happenings and quick changes scare me because they are symptomatic of yesterday's disease and are not consistent with the spiritual life I seek. Today I have the peace of knowing that tomorrow will be something like today --- and I am happy. ~Fr Leo

10.03.09

We all came on different ships but we're on the same boat now. ~Martin Luther King

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Today I am grateful...

• that even though I woke with a really sore throat I woke sober and remembering all of last night
• that the sore throat will pass, plus it marks annually the beginning of Fall
• that tonight I have a gallery walk-about. It is sort of a re-opening with commemorative posters available. I think the idea is that people can walk with me and ask me questions. We will see.
• for the season opener of Dexter (recorded last Sunday night)
• that I get to meet with my wonderful sponsor this morning

The heart cannot both doubt and have faith, hate and give love, worry and trust in God for one will soon crowd out the other. ~unknown

10.02.09

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. ~Gandhi

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Today I am grateful...

• that yesterday's slight feeling of sadness lifted after a friend called and we shared laughter
• to have woken during the thunderstorm this morning, seeing the time on the alarm clock and knowing I had hours left to sleep
• that it is crispy cool outside, damp, sort of perfect
• for the odd experience of having Novocaine in the front part of my mouth yesterday as my dentist filled a small cavity. It is the second time she has mentioned that I might want to have my teeth straightened. One tooth has a slight set-back, but not enough to go to all that trouble I think. Anyway, the cavity filling ordeal was the least stressful one ever. Absolutely painless. Also I am grateful that fillings are no longer visible like those old gray ones.
• that today I will "Make it work!"

Since you are a seeker, there should be no fear, for you are taking shelter inside the infinite Affection of the Absolute Supreme. ~Sri Chinmoy

10.01.09

One can easily understand a child's fear of the dark, but what is the greatest tragedy in life is the grown man who is afraid of the light. ~Plato

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Today I am grateful...

• for over the counter Claritin and Nostrilla to chase away the allergy attack on my nose
• that for no reason I can discern I am feeling sad. It is lightweight and seems to be unfounded and It Will Pass.
• that So and family were approved to adopt the young Boxer
• that I still believe in magic
• for the willingness to do the work, that is God doing for me what I could not do for myself

Everyday I wake up and expect magic. Some days I'm disappointed and some days I have to look a little harder. But the day that I stop looking and expecting, I might as well just stay in bed. ~One Wink