Bunny with Leaves

 

End of November

The 'never have's' sit on the sidelines and tell you about all that can't be. Will you join them or will you quietly go about doing the impossible on your own? ~Melody Beattie

Today I am grateful…

• for all the times this month I got to raise my hand and say, “I’m Scott, I’m an alcoholic and on the 18th I had six years.”
• to have led the God as My Cheerleader workshop with Tink
• to be accepted as myself, to sit amongst others and to feel comfortable in my body
• for a day of personal errands, tidying up around the studio, a visit to the post office, probably a nap, the invitation to hear a friend tell his story tonight
• that sitting here I have no anxiety whatsoever

 

The program promises peace. Day by day, step by step, we move closer to it. Each time we clearly are touched by someone else, and each time we touch another, carries us closer to a realization of God's presence, in others, in ourselves, in all experiences. The search for God is over, just as soon as we realize the Spirit is as close as our thoughts, our breath. ~Each Day a New Beginning

11.29.09

Today I have choices. I can stay in a bad mood, I can stay in a bad moment. Or, I can let them pass me by. ~unknown

Today I am grateful…

• that as much as I love our Houston Round Up I am grateful it is over. I always get overwhelmed—so many people. My schedule gets disrupted. My alone time is diminished. It will be good to get back to some routine, even if that routine is unscheduled time (which I am lucky to have often).
• that I am still surprised when people with whom I have not really had communication call me by my name
• that today I have a working knowledge of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. When I was a newcomer I longed to know the language.
• for the brilliant delivery of a personal story last night. Our keynote speaker who had been beat to hell and back, who carried a dead baby in her belly as she traveled by bus from NYC to LA detoxing, who had some knowing alcoholic carry her from the bus station in El Paso to a bar so she could get some alcohol into her system so she would not die. A woman so passionate about getting sober she defied anyone to not help her. A drunk who overcame the obstacles placed in front of her. Someone who rose from the ashes and now lives to help others find what was so freely given her. Awesome.

Sometimes, the demands of other people and our confused expectations of ourselves - the messages about our responsibilities toward others - can create a tremendous, complicated mess.
We can even convince ourselves that people pleasing, going against our nature and not being honest, is the kind, honest thing to do!
Not true. Simplify. Back to basics. Let go of the confusion. By honoring and respecting ourselves, we will be true to those around us, even if we displease them momentarily.
To thine own self be true. Simple words describing a powerful task that can put us back on track. ~The Language of Letting Go

Dave’s Boot

11.28.09

Other diseases have blood tests and X-rays. We have an inventory. And if you stick around long enough to do it, you'll be actually able take a picture of your alcoholism. You'll actually be able to see your disease. - Scott R.

Today I am grateful...

• that practicing gratitude will change a life

• that if I really, really pay attention there are plenty of things to keep me right sized

• that most days I get huge joy from blogging

• for the Round Up play last night. Over the top production numbers and mass hysterical laughter!

• that for all the days and all the nights of my recovery I have never once thought I was not on my intended path I chose when I entered this physical body

I will never forget to say thank you to God, even on the greyest days. My attitude will be one of humility and gratitude. Saying thank you to God is a daily practice that is absolutely necessary. If a day is not one of thankfulness, the practice has to be repeated until it becomes so. Gratitude is a necessity for those who are seeking a better life. ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

Black Friday

Life is not lost by dying; life is lost by minute, day by day, in all the thousands, small, uncaring ways.~Stephen V. Benet

Today I am grateful…

• that yesterday was my seventh consecutive sober Thanksgiving
• that I did not overeat, but was pleasantly filled
• that Round Up started with a bang with the funniest old queen from Hollywood. He talked about being given Tarytons cigarettes, that they were the first ‘tailor mades’ he had had in a long time. Taryton had a slogan, spoken by someone with a fake black eye “I’d rather fight than switch.”
• that I took service positions early in sobriety
• that today holds wonderful blessings and I am present to enjoy them

We each have different levels of freedom. What I think of as a box might be unthinkable freedom for you today. In the future, when you look back at your life, you may be amazed at the levels of freedom into which you have naturally grown. Perhaps you are looking around today at the freedom of others in awe and envy. "I could never do that," you might say.
Yes, you can.
And you might.
Feel those wings on your back? They're there. And they're growing each day-- whether you're flying yet or not. ~More Language of Letting Go

Happy Thanksgiving

Forever on Thanksgiving Day; The heart will find the pathway home. ~Wilbur D. Nesbit

Today I am grateful…

• for my seventh consecutive sober Thanksgiving
• that I achieved sobriety during the gratitude month of November
• for the birthday celebratory meeting last night—there were five of us celebrating and we each shared about our year. Then the meeting turned to gratitude, each person called upon chose someone for which they were grateful and why, that person then did the same. It was the most powerful meeting I have ever attended. It sent shockwaves through my heart over and over again.
• for the love an alcoholic has in his heart for another alcoholic
• for the 12:15 gratitude meeting today and the feast afterward, my nap, food and fellowship with ‘normies’, then the start of our Round Up tonight

Thank you, dear God
For all You have given me,
For all You have taken away from me,
For all You have left me.

~Anonymous

11.25.09

It's the awareness, the full experience...of how you are stuck, that makes you recover. ~Frederick S. Perls

Today I am grateful…

• for late night Scrabble at Starbux
• that Bunny is having a big time playing with Belle in the cool weather this morning
• that most days I don’t have to do a lot of planning, just let it unfold
• that Doreen passed her kidney stone
• that I love to raise my hand when the group is asked if anyone is celebrating in the month of November!

Strength comes from giving it away. I remember very early in my recovery process, I told my sponsor I wanted to help others. It was as if I was on fire to give away what I was receiving. Fortunately my sponsor very quietly told me to hang onto that feeling and save it for later. He knew that this fire inside of me could easily be extinguished. I did what my sponsor told me to do. I saved it for later and continued to concentrate on myself. Some time later I was at a meeting, and a newcomer walked in. My sponsor winked at me and told me to go and welcome him. I offered the newcomer a cup of coffee and proceeded to tell him about the time when I first came to a meeting. I could see he was scared, but what surprised me was that I could see myself in his eyes. ~Wisdom for Today

11.24.09

We are climbing the same mountain, all of us.

Today I am grateful…

• for another powerful Beginners meeting. With a newcomer and thoughtful shares she was welcomed in a great way. Even if she doesn’t come back, we all grew a bit during that hour.
• that meetings are a way for us to celebrate our sobriety together
• that I dreamed I was to draw a portrait of Bill W. for a convention. He was there in the room, with some other long-timers.
• that I just saw a commercial for Scrabble Slam
• that sometimes sitting in the rooms makes me love everybody and sometimes it makes me want to throw things. Usually it makes me love everybody.

Our particular paths will cross the paths of many others before reaching the top, where we will find full enlightenment. And any path we cross has a special contribution to make to our own progress. We can be grateful for all intersecting paths, no matter how adverse they seem at the time. We can offer all our fellow-travelers real love, and our own trip will benefit manyfold.
We need not be ashamed of our desire for love. Nor need we feel shame that we've bargained for it. But we do need to understand that the kind of love we seek can only be gained when we quit searching for it and simply offer it to all the people in our midst. ~Each Day a New Beginning

11.23.09

Happiness is not a place to travel to. It's a way of getting there. ~Anonymous

Today I am grateful…

• that it behooves me to remember I chose my life experiences when I signed the contract with God as I entered this body
• that if you want to see just how good you have it, go see the movie “Precious”
• to sit outside in the November sunshine and begin step one with a new sponsee
• that at 55 years of age I slept through the night without my bladder awakening me
• for the freedom having a God of my own understanding gives me

We shall not cease from exploration.
And at the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time
~T. S. Eliot

11.22.09

To change your reality, simply stop thinking like that. ~Conversations with God

Today I am grateful…

• for the joy of celebrating with others last night
• for fellowship before and after
• that while I know we are a group that would not normally mix, sometimes it confuses me
• for compassion. I am working on having more of it.
• that sleeping in this cool weather is pure luxury

You can mouth the words of a prayer all day long and just waste your time, unless you also speak with your heart. And to speak with your heart means to embody first. If you pray for love, be loving. If you pray for wealth, be generous. If you pray for health, practice health yourself. What is your favorite prayer? How can you begin to embody it? ~God Wants You to Know

11.21.09

Oh, this is the creature that doesn't exist . . . In fact, it never was. But since they loved it, a pure beast came to be. ~Rainer Maria Rilke

Today I am grateful…

• for another chance for a happy Saturday
• for generous friends
• for daily redirected thoughts
• for all those taken for granted things
• that tonight is birthday night as Lambda

Still life taken with my iPhone

 

It is by giving love that we are able to fill our inner emptiness, and it is through our Higher Power that we are healed and made able to love. ~Food for Thought

11.20.09

I want freedom for the full expression of my personality. ~Gandhi

Today I am grateful…

• that today is my sister’s birthday! I LOVE HER!
• to not have to pay for haircuts and manicures
• that I am having simple thoughts this morning, nothing profound
• for all the birthday wished I got Wednesday, too many to count
• for tulips on my desk

Life is about choice. To be spiritual people, we must make spiritual choices. Honesty is a spiritual choice. And working the Steps is a spiritual choice.
Our life is the sum total of our choices. We owe it to ourselves to choose wisely. We can do that now, thanks to the program.

~Keep It Simple

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SO!!!

I remember when you were young
Let me reminisce
You're now very very old
Happy Birthday, Sis

 

It’s Trailboss’ birthday!

11.19.09

Thank you for the well wishes yesterday, “Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.” ~G.B. Stern

Today I am grateful…

• that yesterday was just about as perfect a day as I have ever had
• for Benadryl and nasal spray, about the only things that are keeping my allergies under control
• that God gave me a mind which I can use to make decisions. I do not have to believe everything I hear or read. I can think for myself.
• for yesterday’s speaker meeting. Something for everyone—from someone drunk making commentary to a touching life story.
• that all in all—I have it all

Perseverance can tip the scales from failure to success. ~unknown

11.18.2003 > 2,192 days < 11.18.2009

 

 

 

Twenty-one hundred ninety-two days have passed since I walked back in the front door of Lambda Center. It was all over. No more fighting it, no more fearing it. There was no more time for making excuses to myself. This was the surrender. I had to surrender if I wanted any chance to win.

The door closed behind me. I sat down and got to work. I listened. I went to meetings every day. I did what was suggested. I prayed. I got a sponsor. I began to work the steps again. I came early and stayed late. I sat on the side and saw a room full of gay men and lesbians that had found a way to live sober. And I wanted what they had.

'I' found the 'we' of the program. I realized I did not have to do it alone. All the weight of the fear I had carried all my life seemed to lift and I could breath again. And I have lived, really lived one day at a time.

Today, at the six year mark in my sobriety, I have the experience of walking with giants. For in this life I feel I am doing the work I was meant to be doing. The veil of illusion gets thinner. The presence of a higher power is palpable as my faith builds. My prayers are prayers of gratitude. I have all I need. I am truly blessed.

 

...and I cannot say what has happened to me, except, I am not the same.

11.17.09

We have two authorities which are far more effective. One is benign, the other
malign. ~Bill W

Today I am grateful…

• that where I was is not where I am
• for soft, warm pullovers
• that I am getting more comfortable with the ‘what anyone thinks of me is none of my business’ thing
• that I nave my needs supplied today. A warm bed, shelter, adequate clothing, shoes, medicines, sobriety, recovery, hugs, smiles, songs, laughs, puppies, a higher power, people to whom I can say ‘I love you’ and mean it
• for rearranged thoughts

The source of love is deep in us, and we can help others realize a lot of happiness. One word, one action, one thought can reduce another person's suffering and bring that person joy. ~Thich Nhat Hanh

11.16.09

True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable. ~Dave Tyson Gentry

Today I am grateful…

• for the dawning of a new day and the discomforts of yesterday are lessened
• that the world is full of inspiration, al kinds, when I am willing to see it
• that it almost feels like winter outside this morning
• for spiritual maintenance, both comfortable and uncomfortable
• that I have today what I never thought would be available to me, a drunk

Koi pond taken with my iPhone.

If you were walking back from a well, carrying a bucket of water & someone jostled you, there could be spilled from the bucket only that which it contained. As you walk along the way of life, people are constantly bumping into you. If your heart is full of ill nature, bad temper, and ugly disposition, only those things will be spilled from it. On the other hand, if it is full of love, you will spill a smile or pleasant remark. You can spill from your bucket only that which it contains. ~Author Unknown

The Wind Was Cold

10" x 20", acrylic

11.15.09

A great many people think they are thinking when they are only rearranging their prejudices. ~William James

Today I am grateful…

• to have solutions
• that I can have days where I feel strained and fragile and know they will pass
• that I spent a little while with a couple of friends last night but it did little to ease yesterday’s loneliness
• that I have what I need for this day
• that a Higher Power sustains me, guides me, keeps me facing forward

Our common problem is really that we're human beings who need a spiritual life in order to become our true selves. This can turn a problem into a new life if we accept the program. ~Walk in Dry Places

11.14.09

The door of opportunity won't open unless you do some pushing. ~Anonymous

Today I am grateful…

• that it’s Saturday and since I woke with a sore throat I could go back to bed for an extra hour. It didn’t make the sore throat go away, but it made me feel good to indulge.

• to have found a path of less resistance

• that today, if I remain spiritually fit, all will be right with my world

• that sometimes when I listen to a favorite song I wonder why I like it or love it so much. Then I wonder if I will like it my next time around. Then I wonder if I have ever seen a painted portrait of me from another life time. Then I wonder as I wander...

Monument Valley, AZ my favorite place on Earth

Life is about "being" and not "doing". Spirituality is about taking time out for me because I am worth it. "Be still and know that I am God," said the psalmist. In the silence of self I have discovered the meaning of life and I have found God. ~Fr Leo

Word Verification Enabled

Sorry, but I am receiving several spam comments daily. Some people have nothing better to do than post useless advertising comments on posts that date way back in time.

Friday the 13th

The soul conceives, the mind creates, the body experiences. The circle is complete. ~Conversations with God

Today I am grateful…

• for perfect November weather
• that I did not get overly perturbed yesterday when I entered a retail store and Christmas music was playing
• that I could end a lot of thoughts with ‘but what do I know’ and it be appropriate
• that gratitude keeps me connected with the good things in my life
• that today will probably go as planned (not my plan, the real plan)

 

Fear is often the force that prevents me from acquiring and cultivating the power of faith. Fear blocks my appreciation of beauty, tolerance, forgiveness, service, and serenity. ~Daily Reflections

11.12.09

It may be those who do most, dream most.---Stephen Leacock

Today I am grateful…

• for after the meeting meeting at a local eatery and laughing until we cried
• that yesterday I noticed how clear my body feels these days. Walking has taken on a new posture.
• that daily I tell a minimum of one person I love them, and get at least one I love you from another
• for boundaries that have been released and healthy ones that have been built
• that I no longer crave or desire alcohol. A neutral position, like it says in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, has taken over. Contingent on my spiritual condition, of course.

 

Daydreaming gives us hope. It makes our world bigger. Daydreaming can be part of doing Step Eleven. As we meditate, we daydream. Through our daydreaming, we get to know ourselves, our spirit, and our Higher Power. What special work can we do? Our dreams can tell us.
There is time to work and time to dream. Daydreaming helps us find the work our Higher Power wants us to do. ~Keep It Simple

1111

I have this routine in the morning. I check my email and Facebook, then I start with my blogroll. As I make my way down I have bookmarked THIS site. On the first page I click the ‘CLICK to give’ button, then I click the next tab at the top. Each tab takes you to a page to click so the sponsors will pay for habitat protection, books, child healthcare, mammograms and cups of food. You can do this daily. It takes about fifteen seconds to click them all. A simple way to give back.

Some people think 11:11 is an angel number.

The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase, if you pursue happiness you'll never find it. ~C P Snow

Today I am grateful…

• for the talents and heart of Michael Jackson. We saw This Is It yesterday afternoon and it totally blew me away.
• that I have friends that totally get me. What a gift!
• to have more freedoms today than ever before

• that I can have my home as quiet and peaceful as I want, or I can turn up the music and dance

• that Bunny can be a spazzed out Tasmanian devil, but he melts my heart

It may be possible to find explanations of spiritual experiences such as ours, but I have often tried to explain my own and have succeeded only in giving the story of it. I know the feeling it gave me and the results it has brought, but I realize I may never fully understand its deeper why and now. ~Bill W

11.10.09

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit

Today I am grateful…

• for the foundation for life the program of AA has given me. When that foundation is shaking I can know it is God that is shaking it. (thanks, Dave)
• to have met a young man who got sober two days after I did and is celebrating this month, too
• that I can put Pam’s name here and she feels famous ‘nshit
• that I resigned from the debating society, except for occasional excursion within my own head
• that people all smile in the same language

It seems a sponsor's job is to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable. ~Bob E.

11.09.09

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland

Today I am grateful…

• for dining and chatting al fresco
• another sober weekend well lived

• that if I pay enough attention today will teach me something I didn't know or perceive yesterday

• that God did not remove all my character defects, instead I was given the ability to recognize some when they surface and ways to deal with them appropriately

• that when I detach from the craziness of this world the more peace I find

In recovery, we learn that we don’t know everything. We had stopped listening. Most of us had been asked by family, friends, doctors, and employers to stop drinking and using other drugs. But, we didn’t listen. If we had listened, we would’ve been in this program long ago. Addiction did something to how we listen. We heard only what we wanted to hear. ~Keep It Simple

11.08.09

If you keep on doing what you've always done, you'll keep on getting what you've always got. ~W. L. Bateman

Today I am grateful…

• that Pammie is back to posting
• that yesterday I was where I was supposed to be, I will be there today, too
• that there is no punishment, only guidance
• that today I have nothing to prove to anyone

• for the grace that supports today's blessings and gives me their experience

• that we are all fighting the same battle, in some ways

• for commitments

• for solutions

Sitting at a meeting and sharing how much you love everyone in the room is meaningless if you fail to help cleanup, talk to the newcomer, inquire after the old-timer, and make sure everyone has a ride home. My well done is better than my well said. ~Pocket Sponsor

Balance and Economy

18” x 24”, acrylic on canvas

11.07.09

The worst sin towards our fellow creatures in not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. ~George Bernard Shaw

Today I am grateful…

• that I have managed to keep my commitment to post daily. December 5 will mark five years.
• that even though time seems to be speeding up, I remember my days and nights
• that my life today is what I make of it. I have total freedom of choice.
• for balance and economy
• that I have a Higher Power to align with, fellowship to confide in and peace of mind to rest in

Forget your old ideas.

Forget the lies they told you.

Forget them all, and you will begin to remember.

~Marianne Williamson

11.06.09

Frank Lloyd Wright’s masterpiece, Falling Water

If you want guarantees in life, then you don’t want life. You want rehearsals for a script that’s already been written. Life by its nature cannot have guarantees, or its whole purpose is thwarted. ~Conversations with God

Today I am grateful…

• that experience tells me that if I take the step in front of me I probably won’t trip today. If I do then I can just get right back up and take the next one.
• that today I do not have to play off someone’s pain or loss to gain self adulation
• that yesterday afternoon I and a friend totally escaped by seeing September Issue
• that Sesame Street celebrates 40 years. It was not a part of my childhood, but it has delighted million of children and taught some seeking the freedoms we have to learn a new language
• that often I feel intense gratitude, like a friend standing at my back with its arms around my chest

 

What is not love is fear. Anger is one of fear's most potent faces.
And it does exactly what fear wants it to do. It keeps us from
receiving love at exactly the moment when we need it most.

~Marianne Williamson

11.05.09 part 2

What people really need is a good listening-to. ~Mary Lou Casey

Today I am grateful…

• for bullet points
• for Live Writer which I am posting through. Thanks Piglet! This is going to change how I blog!
• that this is a test post
• for double gratitude lists (see below)
• that the weather is GLORIOUS!

We of A.A. obey spiritual principles, at first because we must, then because we ought to, and ultimately because we love the kind of life such obedience brings. Great suffering and great love are A.A.'s disciplinarians; we need no others. -12 and 12, p. 174

Taken with the Sepia Photo app on my iPhone.

11.05.09

I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way -- things I had no words for. ~Georgia O'Keeffe

Today I am grateful...

• that I do not have to apologize to anyone for my sobriety
• that I can live in a flow of gratitude
• that I have been given the grace to want to write a gratitude list daily
• that every day I concentrate on turning things over and letting them go in an attempt to express my gratitude to my Higher Power. I strive for trust.
• that I forget that you may have the same feelings as I, that you may be hurting or you may have the same feelings of fear
• for prayers for those who no longer come to meetings at Lambda. There are newcomers that will not know their experience, strength and hope.
• that today I will try hard not to whine

Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these- Susan B. Anthony

11.04.09

Don't work for my happiness--show me yours--show me that it is possible--show me your achievement--and the knowledge will give me courage for mine. ~Ayn Rand

Today I am grateful...

• that I can remember my dad today, he would have been eighty-seven
• that I have no unfinished business with either parent
• to have laughed and cried yesterday, and had many emotions in between
• for new shoes. I love new shoes.
• that I have some how, mysteriously, accepted the work to be done in recovery
  

The newcomer feels he has struck something better than gold. He may not see at once that he has barely scratched the limitless lode which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insists on giving away the entire product. -Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 128-129

11.03.09

There is nothing so moving--not even acts of love or hate--as the discovery that one is not alone. ~Robert Ardrey

Today I am grateful...

• for the honesty of first step meetings. Last night a gentleman shared at his first meeting. That kind of bravery I didn't have.
• that change is the only constant and no matter what is going on, this too shall pass
• that I am constantly finding small pebbles over which to stumble
• for messages of support from friends that are just enjoying such a beautiful day in their life
• that because I am not immune to alcoholism I have been given powerful tools to combat it
  

We have every reason to look forward into the future with hope and excitement. Fear nothing and no one. Work honestly. Be good, be happy. And remember that each of you is unique, your soul your own, irreplaceable and individual in the miracle of your mortal frame. ~ Pearl S. Buck

Land

2" x 13" x 1 1/2"
acrylic on shaped wood

11.02.09

Those who are awake live in a state of constant amazement. ~Buddha

Today I am grateful...

• that last night I was feeling antsy, bored, fitful, wanting to eat. A friend suggested I walk outside. Such a simple solution.
  
• for the floodlights on the apartment building down the street. The sprinkler's cool spray on the heat of the lightbulb made the nicest spritzy, foggy mist.
• that we are not a glum lot, usually
• that I can be emotionally vulnerable and available at the same time
• that despair and loneliness have been chased away by step 11
  

God will see that you are kept filled as long as you are giving to others. But if you selfishly try to keep all for yourself, you are soon blocked off from God, your source of supply, and you will become stagnant. ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

Jim Denevan's Art

11.01.09

There is no greater difference between men than between grateful and ungrateful people. ~R.H. Blyth

Today I am grateful...

• for all the sober fun last night at birthday night and the Halloween Dance. Here is Bryan as Richard Slimmons.
• that November is the traditional month of gratitude. I am grateful to have gotten sober this month (11/18/03). Today I get to raise my hand as one celebrating.
  
• that I texted Pammie this morning. She was a work briefly to finish a report then return to Mama's. She and L are preparing the path for Mama's Continuation Day. Pammie sounded good and right where she is supposed to be.
• for a jubilent meeting with my sponsor yesterday
• that this human experience keeps surprising me
  

If we have turned our will and lives over to our Higher Power, the real direction of our lives is out of our hands. We must think of ourselves as passengers in a divinely guided vehicle. ~Walk in Dry Places