IF THE ONLY PRAYER YOU SAID IN YOUR LIFE WAS "THANK YOU", THAT WOULD SUFFICE. ~Meister Eckhart

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Things Change

I am taking a break from blogging. This is something I have done regularly for over five years, come here and share my gratitude. It has been an integral part of my sobriety. I have been feeling more and more that I need a little distance from it because it has been really hard lately to exercise restraint of tongue and pen (keyboard). More than likely I will return, but in the long run it is not about me. I just need to figure out what it really is about.

 

 

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A human being has so many skins inside, covering the depths of the heart. We know so many things, but we don't know ourselves! Why, thirty or forty skins or hides, as thick and hard as an ox's or bear's, cover the soul. Go into your own ground and learn to know yourself there. ~Meister Eckhart

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

02.24.10

Thoughts--just mere thoughts--are as powerful as electric batteries--as good for one as sunlight is, or as bad for one as poison. ~Frances Hodgson Burnett

Today I am grateful…

  • that my BFF turns 3 today
  • for the privilege of listening to someone’s third step
  • for mute buttons that keep my TV from being trash in the yard
  • that prayers concerning being more loving and compassionate REALLY work
  • to have so much creativity in a holding pattern in my brain. Sometimes, though, it gets bottle-necked trying to get out.

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We don't always have to be strong to be strong. Sometimes, our strength is expressed in being vulnerable. Sometimes, we need to fall apart to regroup and stay on track.
We all have days when we cannot push any harder, cannot hold back self doubt, cannot stop focusing on fear, cannot be strong.
There are days when we cannot focus on being responsible. Occasionally we don't want to get out of our pajamas. Sometimes, we cry in front of people. We expose our tiredness, irritability, or anger.
Those days are okay. They are just okay.
Part of taking care of ourselves means we give ourselves permission to "fall apart" when we need to. We do not have to be perpetual towers of strength. We are strong. We have proven that. Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves the courage to feel scared, weak, and vulnerable when we need to experience those feelings. ~The Language of Letting Go

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

02.23.10


Hitch your wagon to a star. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Today I am grateful…

  • to have been able to share about the first step when I saw an acquaintance enter the room for the first time, then the welling of tears in my eyes as he took a desire chip
  • that the CPA got my taxes finished and I am actually getting a small refund
  • for the ability to set aside my plans and be spontaneous. This is SO different from the old days.
  • to get this gigantic commission painting installed at the client’s today
  • to realize for many, many days I owe everything my life is today to my sobriety (last night’s topic)

RecoveryFirst


All of us are influenced by somebody. Not to be influenced is to remain an ignorant person. Most of us hinder our thinking, particularly around spiritual things, because of pride. We don't like change. We find it hard to accept attitudes and opinions that differ from our own. Pride keeps us deaf and often stupid. However, the daily program of a lived spirituality encourages a variety of opinions and attitudes. We can learn from different customs, lifestyles and religions. We can be helped in our understanding of life by the stranger. ~Fr Leo

Monday, February 22, 2010

02.22.10

And I cannot say what has happened to me, except…I am not the same, I am not the same, I am not the same… ~GM

Today I am grateful…

  • for smile exchanges
  • to guard my serenity only second to my sobriety
  • that I can be in the middle of a small prayer and not even realize I am praying
  • for practice. Many things have changed due to practice.
  • for the dream this morning that gave me comfort about change

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Our concept of control was flawed. This program leads us into a New World. Here we meet the fact that we are powerless to change some aspects of ourselves. But we can become ready to be changed. That makes all the difference. When we accept this truth, we are already changed and we are more in line with nature and the universe. ~Touchstones

Sunday, February 21, 2010

02.21.10

Only work which is the product of inner compulsion can have spiritual meaning. ~Walter Gropius
Today I am grateful…
  • that I have not be afraid to recognize my needs
  • to walk tall in my shoes instead of staring at the sidewalk, head hung in shame
  • that daily I get everything I need
  • I do because I can
  • to respond to change instead of trying to always change it

babar moghal 002_inset

When you know you are serving a greater cause, there is little room for fear and doubt. You know that what you do will benefit others, so there is no way the universe is not going to support your efforts - even if sometimes it may not look that way. Serving the greater cause allows you to live from the space of your greatness. When you know that what you do can serve a greater cause, you are aware of your power and ability to influence and create change in this world. ~Daily Om

Saturday, February 20, 2010

02.20.10

Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man that he didn't, didn't already have. ~Dewey Bunnell

Today I am grateful…

  • that maybe that Cat Stevens brain worm I had for days is gone
  • that today is so far, so good
  • to not always know how to do it, but to keep trusting the process
  • to have an available solution
  • for the path of less resistance

woman eats bird

You are goodness and mercy and compassion and understanding. You are peace and joy and light. You are forgiveness and patience, strength and courage, a helper in time of need, a comforter in time of sorrow, a healer in time of injury, a teacher in times of confusion. You are the deepest wisdom and the highest truth; the greatest peace and the grandest love. You are these things. And in moments of your life you have known yourself as these things. Choose now to know yourself as these things always. ~Conversations with God

Friday, February 19, 2010

02.19.10

Show me which road to follow, where to go, and what to do. ~Journey to the Heart

Today I am grateful…

  • that I only have to do it today
  • that I did it yesterday and will do it again tomorrow
  • for my dream of life and how it has changed drastically since 11/18/03
  • for smiles that creep upon my face for no reason other than I am satisfied
  • for the blessings of this day and the love and grace that supports them and gives me their experience

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When someone you know or love comes to mind, or even someone you don't-- perhaps someone in another part of the country or the world, perhaps someone going through a particular crisis-- and you're not certain what to do, send a love letter. Your loving thoughts will touch them and your blessings will all come back to you. ~Journey to the Heart

Thursday, February 18, 2010

02.18.10

We don't stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing. ~Herbert Spencer

Today I am grateful…

  • while I strive to stay spiritually fit, I will never do it perfectly--in the striving I find everything I need
  • for all I have been given and all that is on its way to me
  • that daily I am shown, from inside, my Higher Power's will. I am given the power and the willingness to carry it out.
  • my sober days pass fairly quickly and smoothly. My drinking days passed slowly and painfully.
  • for days that end with "y"

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Taken with my iPhone

The feeling of attachment, of being related, of caring about someone, is what life is all about. Before recovery, we may have feared we could not love anyone. When we feel love, we may also feel cheated because our affections aren't returned, as we want them to be. Or we may think relationships are just too complicated and painful. It's true that relationships are difficult at times. The only thing more difficult is having none. ~Touchstones

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

02.17.10

. . . no one who learns to know himself remains just what he was before. ~Thomas Mann

Today I am grateful…

  • for the promise of warmer weather. This winter I cannot get used to the cold.
  • for one of the best first step meetings I have ever attended yesterday. Such humor and solution.
  • to watch newcomers hit milestones. I know I am being pushed ahead as I watch them.
  • for my DVR and recorded episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race
  • that in all my life, I have never had as much as I have this day

Eggs 2007 Braldt Bralds

Eggs by Braldt Bralds

Deep inside, we all know that we're changing. It started when we took Step One. We learned and accepted something new about ourselves. That changed us, just a little. We no longer wanted to live as addicts. That meant we had to change and to learn to live sober. It's been nonstop ever since: learn about ourselves, change a little, learn about ourselves, change a little more, and so on. All we know is that each step of learning and changing makes life better. How long can it keep getting better? As long as we keep learning to know ourselves. ~Keep It Simple

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

02.16.10

When all is said and done, willingness is everything. ~Frank D

Today I am grateful…

  • for two excellent meetings yesterday and fellowship after each
  • that as much as I don’t want to, I will contact my dentist today to see about this crown that broke off. I am a tad perturbed as I addressed this tooth with her a year ago; it was easy to rock back and forth. It was crowned so long ago I didn’t realize it was not an original tooth and I cannot help but think this might have been avoided. Maybe, maybe not. Anyway, I am a wuss son of a dentist.
  • that the past got me to where I am today
  • to have heard once, “Not even God can change the past.”

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[T]he man with the grown-up brain and the childish emotions - vanity, self-interest, false pride, jealousy, longing for social approval, to name a few - becomes a prime candidate for alcohol. To my way of thinking, that is a definition of alcoholism; a state of being in which the emotions have failed to grow to the stature of the intellect. ~Experience, Strength & Hope, pg. 411

Monday, February 15, 2010

02.15.10

The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy. ~Jim Rohn

Today I am grateful…

  • for the anti-Valentines Day dinner/movie night with fellows
  • to have thought about Mom a lot yesterday. Valentines was her favorite holiday.
  • to get back to healthier eating today. I sorta had a food relapse over the weekend. Ugh.
  • that back in May of 2001 if you told me I would be sober as long as I have been, that I love my life, I would have thought you a crackpot.
  • for art thoughts

office in a small city

Office in a Small City by Edward Hopper

When you don't need anything, then you truly have everything. When you know that you already have enough, that you already are enough, that everything is as it should be, then your life will be rich indeed. Get past the need to possess and you'll discover that the whole world is yours. Abandon the need to be right and you'll find real truth. ~Ralph Marston

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Faith

faith
18" x 14", acrylic on canvas board

02.13.10

I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to the light I have. ~Abraham Lincoln

Today I am grateful…

  • that I rolled with the punches yesterday
  • for the outrageous cupcake from Crave handed to me in the back seat last night
  • that you can make up a story about that last bullet point! But will you share it?
  • for another sober weekend
  • for the newcomer text yesterday telling me they were overwhelmed with gratitude and that I could relate

g1

Chair Car by Edward Hopper, 1965

As our integrity grows, our emphasis changes. It is not crucial that we always be right, only that we be honest. We do not have to be winners or high achievers so much as we have to be real human beings. Conquest is not as important as connection. We do not always have to compare ourselves and be better than the next guy. We can exchange and appreciate the communication. ~Touchstones

Friday, February 12, 2010

02.12.10

We are always the same age inside. ~Gertrude Stein

Today I am grateful…

  • for maintenance of my spiritual condition by attending a meditation program last night
  • that I am welcome to as much joy or as much sorrow as I want today. They are both free for the taking. Thinking I will choose the joy part.
  • that any worry I have today is rooted in fear, thus in reality, false
  • to keep enough free space in my mind so that anything new has a chance to settle in
  • that I don't understand everything--what good would that do?

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Sun, Empty Room by Edward Hopper

Deep inside, we each have a child's spirit. We still have many of the feelings we had when we were young. Some of us have a hurting child inside. There's sadness, fear, or anger that hasn't gone away. We're still lonely, no matter how many people care about us. Our inner child needs special help to heal. We can be good parents to our inner child. We do this by being gentle and caring with ourselves. In time, this child can be a happy center in our hearts. ~Keep It Simple

Thursday, February 11, 2010

02.11.10

To the untrained, casual eye, each wave looks the same. It is not. No two are the same. And each one washes away the old, and washes in the new.

Today I am grateful…

  • for the uber comfortableness of a home group
  • for silly ‘getting the giggles like I was a kid in church’ moments in last nights meeting
  • that a while back I added the gratitude for teaching me to be more compassionate to my daily prayers. It’s paying off.
  • that when I am not thinking about myself my mind is in a more comfortable place
  • that I don’t think I have ever been President of the United States

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There's no way to prepare for deep grief, for the pain that shatters a heart and a life when a loved one leaves.
No one can coach us on it. Those who could, who knew exactly how it felt, who could describe it in detail, wouldn't do it, would not presume to encroach on this most intimate part of our relationship with a loved one. Those who casually say, "Aren't you over that yet?" don't understand.
This much I will tell you about grief: If there was ever a second, or a moment, when you suspected or knew you had been betrayed at the deepest level by someone you adored, and a splintering pain began to shred your heart, turn your world grimly unbearable to the point where you would consciously choose denial and ignorance about the betrayal rather than feel this way, that is one-millionth of what it feels like to grieve.
Grief is not an abnormal condition, nor is it something to be treated with words. It is a universe, a world, unto itself. If you are called to enter this world, there is no turning back. We are not allowed to refuse that call. Grief is like nothing else, with the possible exception of the pounding waves of the ocean. To the untrained, casual eye, each wave looks the same. It is not. No two are the same. And each one washes away the old, and washes in the new.
Gradually, almost imperceptibly, whether we believe it or not, we are being transformed. ~The Language of Letting Go 

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

02.10.10

Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind. ~Henry James

Today I am grateful…

  • that I attended Art Critique Houston last night and was asked to join. A small group of artists meet quarterly or so and four artists bring their work for critique. I was comfortable and chatty and was able to contribute to the discussion. This is a total reversal from my old, isolation days.
  • for the thirty seconds every day where I go through all the Click to Give websites. Just by clicking you can help feed an animal, provide literacy for children and more. Please bookmark and visit daily. It’s so simple and easy.
  • that I am outta time. I forgot we are meeting a client early and I gotta scoot.

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Life doesn't promise us anything, except a chance. We have a chance to live any way we like. No matter how we choose to live, we'll have pain and we'll have joy. And we can learn from both.
Because of our recovery program, we can have life's biggest wonder---love. We share it in a smile, a touch, a phone call, or a note. We share it with our friends, our partners, our family. Life didn't promise to be wonderful, but it sure is full of little wonders! And we only have to open up and see them, feel them, and let them happen. ~Keep It Simple

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

02.09.10

You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was. ~Irish Proverb

Today I am grateful…

  • that little gifts can bring huge smiles and hugs
  • to be convinced I have what it takes for today
  • for recovery blogs—what a great connection we have
  • to be reminded of how people see me, because sometimes I have the fun house mirror reflection
  • for the sharing from the heart in the Beginners meeting

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Lou invited us to post a picture that makes us smile.

Sometimes I feel sad or depressed and think I'm doing something wrong. With all the work I'm doing to change my life, shouldn't I feel happy all the time?

No. Sadness is just as much a part of life as happiness. Just as all the seasons are part of nature, all my feelings are part of me. Would I awaken on a rainy day and refuse to let it rain? Would I claim that I'm going to do everything I can to stop the rain? No. When it rains, it rains. ~Hazelden Thought for the Day

Monday, February 8, 2010

02+08=10

Nobody can cause more needless grief than a power-driver who thinks he has got it straight from God. ~Bill W

Today I am grateful…

  • the love and race from a Higher Power that fills my life, gets down into the nooks and crannies
  • that I was shown the way through to the other side of my addiction
  • for the loving program of AA and how a profound affect it has had on my life
  • to truly not regret the past. Carrying the past is a heavy burden. Today I can use it for reference, keep my side of the street clean and have room to grow.
  • for 2,274 days of alcohol free living

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Spirituality involves our attitudes and perceptions as well as our prayers. Spirituality requires a realistic awareness of what we need and what we have been given. Spirituality sees beyond the problems into the solution.
Hope is a feeling that is based on a spiritual perception of life that shuns apathy and negativity. Everything can be used for good if it is perceived realistically; destructive experiences, painful moments and failed relationships can all be used to create a new tomorrow.
The hope that stems from our ability to change requires a realistic understanding of what has happened. No aspect of life should be wasted because it can point to a glorious tomorrow. ~Fr Leo

Sunday, February 7, 2010

02.07.10

It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong. ~Leo Rosten

smile

Saturday, February 6, 2010

The Third Step

the third step
18" x 14" (canvas size), acrylic on canvas board

02.06.10

Behind an able man there are always other able men. ~Chinese proverb

Today I am grateful…

  • for sober friends who face life’s difficulties head on
  • for boundaries
  • that tonight is an art night. Gallery openings and then the Art for IAC auction at Lambda Center. IAC (International Advisory Council) is the recognized GLBT arm of AA.
  • that I don’t have to be right and I don’t have to be wrong. Sometimes, often times, it just is what it is.
  • that I can be a trusted friend that can be called at 4:15AM

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Most of us have had a strong desire in our lives to "do it ourselves." We have had the idea that strength and independence meant we should not rely on or receive help from others. Now, in recovery, we are learning a far more mature and time-honored principle. We find strength to develop to our fullest as members of a community. Maybe we never learned how to ask for help. Perhaps we haven't learned yet how to accept it. It may still be difficult to express our gratitude for the help that brought us where we are today.
In recovery, we get many lessons about these things. If we are actively growing, we will get help from others and give it too. The rewards of recovery give us ample reasons and opportunities to express our gratitude. We are no longer loners. Now we have a network of friends who truly enjoy and enhance each other's strength. ~Touchstones

Friday, February 5, 2010

02 x 05 = 10

Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got. ~Janis Joplin

Today I am grateful…

  • for the creative spirit of mankind. It’s hard to imagine what we have eked out of science in such a short time.
  • to not have to drive on the clogged freeways around here. There are too many people in this world.
  • for this day at my disposal. I plan to be creative, attend a meeting, take some paintings to be photographed and have dinner with old friends tonight.
  • that my Higher Power is more generous, more inventive and more sustaining than I ever imagined
  • that, baby, you’ve got what it takes!

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One of recovery's greatest gifts is discovering we can make decisions that represent us, our inner selves, and those decisions please us. We all are familiar with the tiny tug of shame that locates itself in our solar plexus. When we "go along," when we "give in" on a personally important issue, we pay a consequence. We lose a bit of ourselves. Over the years we've lost many bits. ~Each Day a New Beginning

Thursday, February 4, 2010

02.04.10

Honesty makes us comfortable rather than pained, relaxed rather than anxious, and decisive rather than confused. ~Walk in Dry Places

Today I am grateful…

  • to have watched my fellowship pop up around me
  • for the reduced-to-tears laughter at dinner with friends last night
  • that I love Michelle Obama but her new hairdo isn’t working for me
  • that I love myself and my hairdo IS working for me
  • to have no valid complaints today. I could complain but it wouldn’t do any good.
  • for the day ahead and whatever it holds

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It's the moment that's important. Each moment holds choice. Our spirits grow through working our program moment to moment. Moments lead to days, days to years, and years to a life of honest recovery.
It will be the moments of choice that we remember. The moment we call a friend instead of being alone.
The moment we decide to go for a walk instead of arguing with our partner. The moment we decide to go to an extra meeting instead of drinking or using other drugs. The moments lead us to our Higher Power.
These moments teach us that we're human, that we  need others. At these moments, we know others care about us--our joys, and our struggles.~Keep It Simple

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

02.03.10

Shame is a spell others put on us to control us, to keep us playing our part in dysfunctional systems. It is a spell many of us have learned to put on ourselves. ~The Language of Letting Go

Today I am grateful…

  • for yesterday’s gratitude meeting. It’s my favorite topic.
  • for this mornings rustling of the wind and the soft tinkle of wind chimes
  • for all the fears that have fallen to the wayside since I got into a program of recovery. I used to hold them so close to my chest I couldn’t even see them anymore, but the effects were drastic.
  • for the art of Norman Rockwell. Today is the anniversary of his birth. He was a meticulous American illustrator, whom I am convinced saw the world through the eyes of the ordinary man.
  • that I am allowed my own human-ness

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Learning to reject shame can change the quality of our life. It's okay to be who we are. We are good enough. Our feelings are okay. Our past is okay. It's okay to have problems, make mistakes, and struggle to find our path. It's okay to be human and cherish our humanness.
Accepting ourselves is the first step toward recovery. Letting go of shame about who we are is the next important step.
Today, I will watch for signs that I have fallen into shame's trap. If I get hooked into shame, I will get myself out by accepting myself and affirming that it's okay to be who I am. ~LOLG

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

02.02.10

You are what you are and where you are because of what has gone into your mind. You can change what you are and where you are by changing what goes into your mind. ~Zig Ziglar

Today I am grateful…

  • to have been asked to chair next Monday nights Beginners meeting
  • the healing of an alcoholic extends far past himself
  • for being shown the difference in struggling and letting go
  • I do not have to agree with everyone, in fact I can't
  • the truth is revealed to me in small doses so I can comprehend it

Contentment

Forever is longer than you know. Eternal is longer than Forever. God is more than you imagine. God is the energy you call imagination. God is creation. God is first thought. And God is last experience. And God is everything in between. ~Conversations with God

Monday, February 1, 2010

02.01.10

A great many people think they are thinking when they are only rearranging their prejudices. ~William James

Today I am grateful…

  • for the 12 step calls God keeps handing me
  • for the freedom of being available
  • today I have enough
  • today I do not have to struggle with a desire to drink
  • I can carry gratitude in my heart today. Gratitude has been a major healing factor in my life of recovery.

Contentment-Photographic-Print-C12201928

Who can render an account of all the miseries that once were ours, and who can estimate the release and joy that later years have brought to us? Who can possibly tell the vast consequences of what God's work through A.A. has already set in motion?

And who can penetrate the deeper mystery of our wholesale deliverance from slavery, a bondage to a most hopeless and fatal obsession which for centuries possessed the minds and bodies of men and women like ourselves? ~As Bill Sees It