07.31.09

What I needed was the humility of self-forgetfulness and the kinship with another human being of my own kind. ~Bill W

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Today I am grateful...

• that through the Internet I have met some fascinating people, some of them I have never even seen in person!
• for the $50 gift card to a fancy, schmancy restaurant I got when I won the drawing for a membership upgrade to the de Menil Museum
• that today is another sober Friday with no margaritas on the horizon
• for every day that passes, adding to my sober history
• that I do not have to agree with everyone, in fact I can't

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live. ~Norman Cousins

Of God and Ego

18" x 24", acrylic on canvas

Long Neck

07.30.09

In the outer world we manifest, in the inner world we achieve. ~Sri Chinmoy

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Today I am grateful...

• that I don't take every slight as an injury
• that I can feel sadness for another alcoholic/addict but do not have to involve myself in their insanity
• that I have my place today and it is very comfy
• that I have to be willing, every day, to let go of character defects and be grateful if I let one stay in God's lap

Go very slowly, very quietly, from one duty to the next, taking time to rest and pray between. Do not be too busy. Take everything in order. Venture often into the rest of God and you will find peace. ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

07.29.09

God, help me take a deep breath and holler woohoo. ~Melody Beattie

Today I am grateful...

• that I finally gave in and replaced my corded mouse. I got a new wireless one and it seems to have increased my computer's speed, although it probably just lets me maneuver easier.
• that I can actually sit through an entire meeting that drives me to want to take some stiletto heels and impel them into my eye sockets
• that today I try not to rationalize myself into detours
• that I am a non-smoker
• to be acquiring more patience, although it comes slowly
• that by being open minded some learning can seep in

I tell you this: You always get what you create, and you are always creating. I do not make a judgment about the creations that you conjure, I simply empower you to conjure more—and more and more and more. If you don’t like what you’ve just created, choose again. My job, as God, is to always give you that opportunity. ~Conversations with God

07.28.09

You might feel like cooked spaghetti for a while, but what's really softening up is your heart. ~Melody Beattie

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Today I am grateful...

• for last night's topic from Bill's Story about moving from the dark into the light
• that Matt Lauer looks great in short pants
• that my Higher Power was kind to me in my darkest hours
• for my sobriety
• for my serenity
• for my recovery

Guidance isn't being told which action to take or not to take. Guidance is God's gift of peace - from which we proceed. The peace dissolves the question, and we simply do what we do in peace. ~Hugh Prather

Esotericism

22" x 18", acrylic on wood panel

07.27.09

He that gives should never remember, he that receives should never forget. ~Talmud

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Today I am grateful...

• that I took yesterday off from the world. I spent it quietly, painting, reading, napping and I didn't miss society at all.
• that I can shop for shirts, pants and shoes without leaving home, in my underwear and check out with the push of a button
• for information that lets me be wary of delusional behavior--that may sound cryptic, and it is!
• that I would love to step out my front door into a crisp, autumn day...but that isn't likely today. It will happen if I am patient, though.

With every prayer and every thought of love, we release the light that will cast out darkness. One light alone seems small and weak--no one's light is ever alone, for all our lights are part of God. ~Marianne Williamson

07.26.09

As long as a man stands in his own way, everything seems to be in his way. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Today I am grateful...

• that things have a way of pretty much being like they are supposed to be
• that I can be an observer as I notice the world seems to be getting meaner
• that this day, as in every other day of my 55+ years, I will have what I need
• that I have a sweet deal these days
• that I let go, surrendered, and won the pot

The paradox of control is simple. The more we try to control life, theless control we have. ~Joan Borysenko

07.25.09

Your heart knows in silence the secrets of the days and the nights. ~Kahlil Gibran

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Today I am grateful...

• with the thermostat set on 75º the air conditioner is actually shutting off for a few minutes
• for a little more ability to observe when my mind wanders into dangerous territory
• for the security of sobriety, the fellowship, of having a sponsor; the security of knowing all is as it should be
• that I can live this day with hope for a bright future
• that today I do not have to live in the past
• for the ease of letting go

Stop listening to your mind. You will not find the truth there. You may find the answer, but it will not be the truth unless it coincides with the answer in your heart.

You think there is more to know about life than this, but there is not. Your heart holds the key. Your heart holds the wisdom. Your heart holds the future. Your mind knows nothing but the past. It imagines the future will be just like yesterday, so it makes it decisions based on that. Only your heart can see beyond memory's horizon. ~N.D. Walsch

25 Years of Sobriety

Congratulations, Mary!

07.24.09

We have learned that the satisfaction of instincts cannot be the sole end and aim of our lives. ~12 & 12

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Today I am grateful...

• for big thunder, big rain, big cooling off
• that Mary Christine has hit twenty-five years in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous
• that the serious relapse dream I had this morning was just that, a dream
• that we are attending a design function this morning, followed by a luncheon
• that my life now is all recovery, all the time

Even when it hurts like hell, hold fast. The pain is the arrow coming out, not the arrow going in. Faith is not about trusting a God who will rescue you from arrows but trusting in the process. Faith will center you, not rescue you. ~Pocket Sponsor

Eclipse

07.23.09

Love is not what you want, it is what you are. It is very important to not get these two confused. ~Neale Donald Walsh

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Today I am grateful...

• for those who show me what I do not want to be
• that God has really shown me over the past couple days that I cannot say or write what I am thinking because it would not solve anything
• for the love and support of a few that I have known for a long, long time
• that I have this day at my disposal, and numerous and wondrous things can happen
• that I am taking a group of paintings to be photographed today for possible magazine publication

If you think that love is what you want, you will go searching for it all over the place. If you think love is what you are, you will go sharing it all over the place. The second approach will cause you to find what the searching will never reveal.

Yet you cannot give love in order to get it. Doing that is as much as saying you do not now have it. And that statement will, of course, be your reality. No, you must give love because you have it to give. In this will you experience your own possession of it. ~N. D. Walsh

¿Yo Quiero Taco Bell?

R.I.P. Gidget

07.22.09

You were born with a spark of the Divine within you. It had been all but smothered by the life you were living. ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

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Today I am grateful...

• that if you can't walk what you talk then sit down and shut up
• that sometimes I can see that things are not as they appear
• for the bizarre noon meeting yesterday where the disease was bubbling up at eye level
• that I have some health insurance. Yesterday's appointment was long (I was there from 7-11:30AM). Had two EKGs because the first one didn't read correctly. She prescribed an antibiotic for my ear (it has been ringing and my equilibrium seems to be a little off, she said it looked a bit red inside) and a stress test to make sure everything is okay.
• that today's total eclipse of the sun, which has people in India hiding and the whole world probably a little tipsy reminds me of Klaus Nomi singing

Many of us ... in this program have a struggle with perfectionism. This is a central spiritual issue. Sometimes we feel ashamed or frightened by our imperfections, or we strive so hard to overcome them that we successfully close our lives down to a very narrow, controllable scale. Spiritual awakening means we have zest for life and accept our imperfections. ~Touchstones

Once in a Lifetime

44" x 28", in two pieces, acrylic on canvas

07.21.09

Each today, well-lived, makes yesterday a dream of happiness and each tomorrow a vision of hope. Look, therefore, to this one day, for it and it alone is life. ~Sanskrit poem

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Today I am grateful...

• that I am up and posting early so I can make it to a very early doctor appointment
• for yesterday's unexpected bonus
• that I can answer the phone when a friend calls
• to watch people take care of themselves
• that what woke me several times this morning, something touching my arm and then my face, was just a harmless moth
• for the afternoon rain yesterday and the almost seasonal temperatures
• that the world sure can be quiet at times

The perverse wish to hide a bad motive underneath a good one permeates human affairs from top to bottom. This subtle and elusive kind of selfish-righteousness can underlie the smallest act or thought. Learning daily to spot, admit, and correct these flaws is the essence of character-building and good living. ~As Bill Sees It

07.20.09

An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind. ~Mahatma Gandhi

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Today I am grateful...

• for a peace filled weekend. I remember it all!
• for the gales of laughter last night while at fellowship with other alkies
• that we are scheduled for more rain today
• for gratitude today that I want what I have and have what I want
• for the knowledge that just because someone has a lot of time in a recovery program does not automatically mean they are healthy. The proof is all around.

Man is a creature whose substance is faith. What his faith is, he is. ~Bhagavad Gita

07.19.09

Obedience is not creation, and thus can never produce salvation. Obedience is a response, while creation is pure choice, undictated, unrequired. ~Conversations with God

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Today I am grateful...

• for the Lambda Talent Show fundraiser last night. FUN!
• for laughter and fellowship over great Italian food while it stormed outside
• that I am not alone and don't have to do it by myself ever again
• for the powers of prayer and gratitude

When you learn your lessons, the pain goes away. ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

And that's the way it is. ~Walter Cronkite

07.18.09

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. ~Leo Buscaglia

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Today I am grateful...

• for my sobriety, recovery and serenity
• that gratitude can muscle out fear
• for the desire to understand
• to not have to pay for haircuts and manicures
• for contrasts large and small that show me how I am progressing
• to have been born with freedom to live my life as I see fit
• that a lot of bats in my belfry have flown away
• for when my little self said to my Big Self, "I'm done. Please take over now."

When the solution is simple, God is answering. ~Albert Einstein

07.17.09

This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. ~Big Book, p. 62

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Today I am grateful...

• for the text that I make someone smile, which made me smile
• that today promised to be enough
• that Pam reminded me this morning of page 62
• that there is a good chance we may get some rain this weekend
• for the simple joy of knowing how to type and watching the words appear on screen a letter at a time
• that I am often easily entertained, see above bullet point

We delude ourselves if we believe that our happiness and well-being will come when we reach a certain goal. Whatever happiness and well-being we obtain must come through the process of living in ordinary, everyday situations. ~Walk In Dry Places

Did you guess who that was in the post below?

Guess Who...

07.16.09

We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. ~Will Rogers

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Today I am grateful...

• to be a day closer to autumn
• to watch the program grow up around someone, then hear their recounting of that journey
• that yesterday I got to sit by Dave at lunch
• that someone posted a video of Mama Cass singing "Dream a Little Dream of Me" and it's been playing in my head. I love that song.
• that today I choose life

Humility is being thankful for the chance to watch the parade. There were days we thought that all that counted were the heroes. But our program has no heroes. It has many fine, spiritual people. . . but no heroes.

When someone is needed to make coffee or pick up after a meeting, we can be willing to do those things. Let's look at doing these little jobs as our way of looking for a good spot on the curb. . . .to watch the parade! The floats are so colorful, and the bands play so loud(ly)! ~Keep It Simple

07.15.09

The smallest positive action can overcome the biggest negative doubt. ~Ralph Marston

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Today I am grateful...

• for people power, higher power and service. Thanks, Carol!
• for last night's one-on-one meeting about step 12
• that I will see and hug a bunch of drunks today
• that lately I have been able to pay my bills as they come in. What a luxury!
• that I am not getting married on The Today Show today
• that I don't have to work outside in this ridiculous heat
• the gift of creation in all its forms

As faith grows, so does inner security. The vast underlying fear of nothingness commences to subside. We of A.A. find that our basic antidote for fear is a spiritual awakening. ~Grapevine, 1/62

07.14.09

I already have the solution! Instead of trying to run away from my pain and wish my problems away, I can pray for humility! ~Daily Reflections

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Today I am grateful...

• for the Beginner's meeting last night and the focus on where sanity has returned to our lives
• that I 'fit' today in several settings
• that many things can just be what they are today, I don't have to make them something other than what they are just so I can handle them easier
• for a good nights rest and peaceful starts to my day

In our drinking days, we had no peace of mind or serenity. We had the exact opposite, a kind of turmoil and that "quiet desperation" we knew so well. The turmoil of our drinking days was caused partly by our physical suffering, the terrible hangovers, the cold sweats, the shakes and the jitters. But it was caused even more by our mental suffering, the loneliness, the feeling of inferiority, the lying, the remorse that every alcoholic understands. ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

Argosy

30" x 10", acrylic on canvas

07.13.09

When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that is in itself a choice. ~William James

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Today I am grateful...

• for soft, quiet Sundays spent in air conditioning--painting, reading, napping, snuggling with Bunny. Ahhhhh...
• that there will be enough today and tomorrow
• that there are images in my art bank just waiting to make their way onto canvases
• that the most elegant things in life are the most simple things
• for the sustaining power of God

It is not idle fantasy to imagine beginning life again because, in a sense, we have. In recovery, it seems we have begun life again, only with our eyes a little more open. ~Touchstones

Be expectant. Constantly expect better things. Believe that what God has in store for you is better than anything you ever had before. The way to grow old happily is to expect better things right up to the end of your life and even beyond that. A good life is a growing expanding life, with ever-widening horizons, an ever-greater circle of friends and acquaintances, and an ever-greater opportunity for usefulness. ~24 Hours a Day

07.12.09

The real victory may be in learning how to live after we've established our initial freedom. ~Walk in Dry Places

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Today I am grateful...

• that a Saturday in recovery can be so peaceful and fulfilling that it almost seems like a different lifetime
• that I am experimenting with a looser style and application of painting and I like it!
• that smiles have been known to creep up onto my face and stay there a long time. That ever happen to you?
• that I was raised by two loving parents that taught me to be silly
• that I saw my gallerist last night and he is excited about my upcoming show (opening Sept. 12, Hurricane Ike anniversary)

And then he discovers that by the divine paradox of this kind of giving he has found his own reward, whether his brother has yet received anything or not. His own character may still be gravely defective, but he somehow knows that God has enabled him to make a mighty beginning, and he senses that he stands at the edge of new mysteries, joys, and experiences of which he had never even dreamed. ~Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, step 12.

07.11.09

My mind would have killed me but it needed me for transportation. ~Bob E

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Today I am grateful...

• for the mysteries of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous
• for friends that take care of themselves emotionally
• that sometimes all Bunny wants is a pat on the head. Sometimes that's all I want too.
• that I have Thank You written on my heart
• that there is no punishment, only guidance

A man was walking on a beach after a storm. Thousands of starfish were stranded on the shore. He saw a boy throwing starfish back into the ocean and asked the boy why. The boy replied: 'The tide's going out, the starfish will die in the sun.' The man said; 'But there's so many of them, what difference can it make?' The boy threw another starfish and said : 'It'll make a difference to that one.' ~Anonymous

A Series of Lucky and Unlucky Accidents

24" x 12", acrylic on canvas

Any idea what these lovely things are?

07.10.09

Progress always involves risk; you can't steal second base and keep your foot on first. ~Frederick Wilcox

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Today I am grateful...

• that as I lay in bed last night reading I was overcome with such gratitude for the life I have today. What a lovely feeling.
• that serenity is a prized possession
• for prayers of patience to make it through this incredible extended heat wave
• that with concentration for a moment I can find gratitude anytime, anywhere
• for continuing practice to be non-judgemental, sometimes I actually succeed

It costs you nothing to decide that you have enough. For having enough does not preclude you from creating more abundance in your life.
In fact, having enough sets your creativity free and allows your effectiveness to soar to new heights. When you get away from the stifling mindset of lack and limitation, truly magnificent things will happen.
By having enough, your struggles disappear and are replaced with countless opportunities for real joy. See right now that you have enough, and delight in the warm and genuine richness it brings. ~Ralph Marston

07.09.09

Many men and women are creeping through life on their hands and knees, merely because they refuse to rely on any power but themselves. ~24 Hours a Day

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Today I am grateful...

• that anyone can have recovery at any age
• that with participation comes some understanding of the process of recovery
• for patience in all its forms
• for mute buttons. Do they make one that works on humans?
• for all that my life is today. It is overwhelming what I have been given. The practice of gratitude lets all that fall into place in my mind and in my heart.

The spiritual journey involves going beyond hope and fear, stepping into unknown territory, continually moving forward. The most important aspect of being on the spiritual path may be just to keep moving. ~Pema Chodron

789

The artist is always searching for that which is different, that which cannot be contained or codified; that which is free: Spirituality. ~Fr Leo

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Today I am grateful...

• for freedoms given freely and those gained from hard work
• for another day to practice those principles Dave wrote about
• for my talents, all of them, in all their varieties
• that my HP shows me every day that staying sober is THE TICKET!
• for a long catch up chat last night with a favorite AA brother

As a drinking alcoholic I found it necessary to control my life; control my thoughts and behavior; control each and every situation -- and it was depressingly exhausting. Today sobriety enables me to risk that which is new and different. Sobriety allows me to experiment and take risks in God's world. Sobriety is being free. I am discovering more of me in what yesterday's artists wrote and produced. The "musts" of yesterday have been replaced by the shoulds and needs today. I am free to listen and consider the person because he is a person and not simply because of his credentials.

Supreme Artist, let me hear You in the whisperings of Your creatures. ~Fr Leo

07.07.09

Your job, your invitation from the Universe, is to give people back to themselves. All you have to do is look for the best in that person, and then show it to them, right then and there. Describe it. Admire it. Thank them for it. ~N. D. Walsh

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Today I am grateful...

• that it's raining. It's gloriously dark outside.
• that I go for bloodletting and lab work this morning
• that someone asked me to design 5 flying pig tattoos for them
• for the great first step Beginners meeting last night
• that I met with a new sponsee for the first time
• that I am not in soulless Los Angeles today for the media circus
• that today can be whatever I make it

Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we have learned here. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts. ~Marianne Williamson

07.06.09

We are creative when we give joy, love and help to others and to ourselves. If your lemonade isn't sweet enough, add more of your program. ~Keep It Simple

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Today I am grateful...

• for a quiet, air conditioned holiday weekend
• for the desire to be sober and to stay sober
• for everything that brought me to where I am today
• to be open to receiving more
• to be open to letting more go

And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Stalker

8" x 22", acrylic on canvas

07.05.09

Our illness pushes us to be prefect. In recovery, we learn that we are free to be what we are--human. ~Keep It Simple

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Today I am grateful...

• for summer memories as a kid. My birthday, my friend Gary's and my brother's were all within two weeks of each other. We used to spend a couple weeks at the lake house and have a combined party. Then there was the time sister So was bitten by a copperhead...that wasn't fun.
• for Bill R's memorial at the Rothko Chapel (see pic above)
• that there are so many outreach programs for gay teenagers. I could have so much benefited from one when I was young.
• for a Sunday of full spirit

Here we turn outward toward our fellow alcoholics who are still in distress. Here we experience the kind of giving that asks no rewards. Here we begin to practice all Twelve Steps of the program in our daily lives so that we and those about us may find emotional sobriety. When the Twelfth Step is seen in its full implication, it is really talking about the kind of love that has no price tag on it. ~12 & 12

Rampart

20" x 20", acrylic on canvas

07.04.09

Freedom does not guarantee any specific result, and that is in fact its beauty. Instead, freedom gives you the priceless opportunity to create your own results. ~Ralph Marston

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Today I am grateful...

• for the freedom of recovery
• that my mental capacities are better after a few years of sobriety, but my brain is still scrambled from all the alcohol abuse. It does get a little better as the days pass.
• for the countless things done for me that I cannot do for myself
• that I have a path, that I am willing to follow that path

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less. ~unknown

07.03.09

Life is too short to spend it miserable. An excellent way to abate misery is to look at what you are blessed with. Unclench your angry fist, hold it up, and use your fingers to name five things you are grateful for. (P.S. we mean now!) ~Pocket Sponsor

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Today I am grateful...

• that these days I can act responsibly in public
• for endless new music
• for the creativity of human beings. I am constantly astonished.
• that I can have my cake and eat it too, providing I have done the next right and loving thing, stayed spiritually fit and thanked my Higher Power
• that this weekend we celebrate the birth of the United States of America. You can read her astrological chart here. Very interesting.

Today I am an alcoholic. Tomorrow will be no different. My alcoholism lives within me now and forever. I must never forget what I am. Alcohol will surely kill me if I fail to recognize and acknowledge my disease on a daily basis. I am not playing a game in which a loss is a temporary setback. I am dealing with my disease, for which there is no cure, only daily acceptance and vigilance. ~Daily Reflections

Happy Birthday, Bill!

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It's birthday time on Planet Bill!!!

07 + 02 = 09

In our illness, we were out of control. This was because we wouldn't live from moment to moment. ~Keep It Simple

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Today I am grateful...

• that it's my friend Bill's birthday!
• that I did get some sleep, although it was more elusive last night than it has been in a long time. My mind was quiet, I was comfortable, but Morpheus was busy elsewhere I reckon.
• that The Fashion Show is finally getting interesting. Issac and Kelly are just so boringly monotone.
• for the memories of 33 years ago this weekend when I was in NYC with Frances and Curtis to celebrate the Bicentennial. We had such fun.

Avoid the tendency to presuppose that things will turn out for the worse. Thank you for helping me keep an open mind so that I am able to see other solutions to my situations and then give me the determination to make a difference when I can. We take for granted so much of what God has planned for us. May I have sufficient preparation to meet the challenges of today and rejoice in the person that I am. ~Daily Inspiration

I haven't a clue...

07.01.09

Learning when and how to say no is a very important part of our recovery. Most often, the person we need to say no to is our self. ~Food for Thought

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Today I am grateful...

• for a good nights rest
• that I got some stuff cleared up yesterday that was keeping me in fear and anxiety
• that I did not get sick after eating some freshly bought ham that I noticed after I had eaten several pieces was severely discolored on one side and although it didn't taste nasty, it was scary looking. Since I am not able to throw up at will, I had to pray when I went to bed to not get sick. I am hoping I am in the clear now.
• that I was able to make a lab and a follow-up appointment this morning. There have been no available appointments for weeks.
• that we have a dynamic speaker for today's Hump Day meeting

Stretch your arms. Push the lid off the box. Get out into the world. Walk around. Move about. See the hills, the lakes, the forests, the mountain peaks, the valleys, the rivers. See how big your world can be. See how connected everything is. See how connected you are, too-- to all that is. Make yourself comfortable, wherever you are. Make yourself a home and be at home in the world. God, help me relax and make myself at home in your beautiful world. ~The Language of Letting Go