Freedom. gouache on illo board, 2005
Seven hundred thirty-one days have passed since I walked back in the front door of Lambda Center. It was all over. No more fighting it, no more fearing it. There was no more time for making excuses to myself. This was the surrender. I had to surrender if I wanted any chance to win.
The door closed behind me. I sat down and got to work. I listened. I went to meetings every day. I did what was suggested. I prayed. I got a sponsor. I began to work the steps again. I came early and stayed late. I sat on the side and saw a room full of gay men and lesbians that had found a way to live sober. And I wanted what they had.
'I' found the 'we' of the program. I realized I did not have to do it alone. All the weight of the fear I had carried all my life seemed to lift and I could breath again. And I lived, really lived a whole year.
Today, at the two year mark in my sobriety, I have the experience of walking with giants. For the first time in this life I feel I am doing the work I was meant to be doing. The veil of illusion gets thinner. The presence of a higher power is palpable as my faith builds. My prayers are prayers of gratitude. I have all I need. I am truly blessed.
...and I cannot say what has happened to me, except, I am not the same.
.
16 comments:
Woohoo! Congratulations, this is great news.
Happy Anniversary/Birthday Scott! What a wonderful posting - your vision seems so clear and is full of blessings.
I am grateful for you and for your work in program - thanks for keeping the light on and passing it along to those who are still coming out of the darkness.
My wish for you is to have a blessed day and to exude that gratefullenss all over the place.
Congratulations my love. I hope you have a wonderful day. I wish I was there to help you celebrate. O.K. I'll bring the man strippers.
I love you bro and I see you,
JJ
Good on ya, Scott! Two years of one day at a time... Wishing you many more 24's!
- Bo
This is your DAY.
As you begin another year of trudging the road of happy destiny, I will walk with you on the journey.
Hand in hand, we may continue experiencing what our Higher Power has deemed it necessary for us to experience. With my Higher Power and your strength and hope, I accept whatever may come my way throughout this journey we call life.
Thank you for being all you can be.
Congratulations...and hope you have many more! Love your site and love reading about your recovery.
Namaste.
Your post is very touching. It is a great way for me to start my day and I wanted to thank you for the lovely gift.
Congratulations. Being Awake is hard to do. But sleep-walking isn't an option. It's the Razor's Edge.
Congratulations and Happy 3rd Birthday.
Our program tells us that we must never forget where we came from, and by sharing our beginnings and journey with others, we can provide experience, strength and hope to the newcommer.
One day at a time....
very inspiring story and great entry for illustration friday.
What can I say that everyone else hasn't said? Well, Baby, I'm so proud of you! You done good! Always remember what it was like before. It helps me keep focused. Congrats! L.
Congratulations Scott, fantastic news and a thoughful post. Shows how far you've come :-)
I miss the partys we use to have
:(
ICU,
JJ
PS: O.K. I'll bring female strippers too.
What can I say about my precious brother that has not already been said. I can't begin to tell you just how proud I am of you. You know that I know how far you have come in your journey and you will continue forever. Mom and Dad are smiling down from Heaven today.
I love you,
So
Happy Birthday SCOTT!!! ITS TIME TO PARTY, ITS TIME TO GET DOWN... UH UH UH... GET DOWN GET DOWN...
Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday Scott!
-T
WOW Scott!!! I hope you had a great day today!!!!
I think it is soo beautiful, that by you sharing your gratitude has touch so many... I too start my day by reading your blog... thank you for always sharing your honest gratitude :) Happy Birthday AGAIN....
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