While this practice is new to me, and I am uncomfortable when I am smack dab in the middle of it, I must remember that not one day in my life have I not been provided what I needed for that day. Not one day have I not felt loved to some degree, not had a roof over my head, not gone to bed hungry. My mind wants to take to the craziness like a parasite, sucking the sanity out of me. My mind will also magnify things and trick me into believing that they are overwhelmingly important. That is my ego getting in the way. Ego is pride. Ego is arrogant self-importance. Ego is the deeply mechanical and profoundly compulsive need to always see the personal self as being separate from others, separate from the world, separate from the whole universe. Ego is a love-denying obsession with separation, narcissism, and self-concern. (Defined by Andrew Cohen.)
The process of praticing turning it over and letting it go is the school of hard knocks for my ego. It shortens the gap between the personal self and the God self. Today I will offer up the grip of my personal self. I will practice letting go and place the outcome into my Higher Power's hands. I haven't come this far to be dropped. I am grateful for the mileage I have put on my sobriety odometer.
5 comments:
Practice as I do, I still can't get to grips with TIO LIG. :(
Letting go and turning things over mean that we must TRUST our higher power. For me, I like to hold on, even if I go down with the guns blazing. Usually, when I am in enough pain, I learn to let go. You will one day do this too, I know.
Scott,
Damn- that is dead on.
My mind wants to take to the craziness like a parasite, sucking the sanity out of me
Wow- you said it, brother. I used to have really bad Sundays. For some reason that's the day where all that bad would come crashing down. I would literally curl up on my bed in the fetal position. Unable to do the smallest thing.
I ended up having to start taking Effexor- I did it to get my wife off my back at first, but once I saw the immediate results, I slowly came around to the idea that it just might be something I need.
I still get that feeling, though. Not as bad as before, but it comes.
I do best when I can think about little things in my life and appreciate them for what good they do me. My dog, cats, the vegetables growing in the back yard. My car started this morning. Simple stuff...heheh
Anyway, like your blog, I'll be marking it and checking back!
-tbiscuit
tbsicuit, Sundays were bad for me too. Crashing and burning. How many Sundays did I spend in the fetal position, detoxing from the binge of constant drinking Friday night til the wee hours of Sunday morning. Those days are gone, thank the gods!
I was told once...Life is one of two things.
Hanging on =Pain
Letting Go=Serenity.
It is absolutely true. The choice is mine.
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