03.01.08

Inner integrity is our basic nature — the effortless emotional wholeness that is our human birthright. When we tune into our direct experience as it actually is in the moment — not what our heads think about it, but what we actually experience — we find ourselves able to act in alignment with life, rather than wrestling with it.

Sounds simple? It is — and yet it's not. Most of us have years of practice in dissociating from our inner experience, or in struggling to control it. Somewhere along the way we started believing that life is too painful to fully accept and experience just as it is. Somehow we became convinced that we are too much, or too little. We started shutting down, judging ourselves (or others), criticizing ourselves (or others), filtering our raw experience through a subconscious tape loop of old voices. ~Kerry Moran

Today I am grateful...

• that this morning I had a dream, the kind of dream I used to have and it be totally frustrating (inside the dream that is). This time the new place, disheveled and full of stuff that was just totally unusable, was being cleaned up by a host of people. They were all trying to make my place a nice place to live. I didn't let ugly or wrong attempts to make things better go, I voiced my opinion. Because I wanted them done to my aesthetic and I needed to stand up for myself. It was part of my role in the whole thing, to put things in order. I was also able to stand back and observe instead of in my old dreams of being so totally frustrated--those times I would want to tear my hair out. I woke before it ended, but I woke with a calm with which I would have not experienced after a dream like that in the past. Those were my type of nightmare...where nothing was able to be finished and everything was frustrating. So I reckon this whole thing sorta coincides with how I live these days and that is comforting.