IF THE ONLY PRAYER YOU SAID IN YOUR LIFE WAS "THANK YOU", THAT WOULD SUFFICE. ~Meister Eckhart

Monday, May 16, 2005

Sunday, yesterday

I love not having to set an alarm clock to wake me in the morning, to just be able to sleep until my body wakes itself. That usually means I need to take a leak. But I said my morning prayers, or some of them, before I lifted myself out of the bed. After some relief I made a pot of coffee, grinding half decafe, half regular beans, adjusted the thermostat and turned on the tv (muted) and the computer and added some eyedrops to my itchy eyes. I checked my email. Poured myself a large cup of joe and proceeded to Milkman's site for my morning meditations. I love this time of day, to be able to sit here and with a click of the mouse have access to information that truly adds depth to my recovery.

After a bit I went to the bed and asked Chester if he was ready to start his day, picked him up, kissed his sweet head and put him outside. Threw on some jeans and an Hawaiian shirt. Let Chester in and gave him his phenobarbitol inside his potassium bromide chew and headed out for my sponsee's house. I had brought along a copy of TXT magazine in which our friends Paul and Rick were interviewed for an article about gay marriage (they were married in Massachussets). We then left for Harry's for breakfast. J decided she would have lunch from the buffet and the waitress told her she would bring her lunch when she brought her husband's breakfast. This is the second time I have been mistaken for J's spouse, the other was at her doctor's office after her hysterectomy. It's always good for a laugh for two reasons, that someone would assume I am heterosexual, the other that J is seventeen years older (but I guess that's a compliment to her as she does look fabulous). How many husbands would say their wife looked fabulous? We spoke about some step work we are doing.

When I got home I wanted desperately to take a luxury nap, I was full and had stayed up late the night before. Something I cherish being sober, to nap without it being a cure for a hangover. So I gathered up Chester and we snuggled under the covers. I woke two hours later with that awful dull headed feeling because I had forgot to lower the thermostat. Ugh! I had told Beau I would make the Ask It Basket meeting at four so I got in the shower and got dressed.

I love pulling up to Lambda these days. Gone are the days of driving by, circling the block several times and driving home because I could not bear the thought of facing anyone. That was during my first go around in sobriety. I was so terrified of YOU! This was my first time at this meeting, it was small but held in the big room which always means I can't hear a lot of what is said, my hearing being that of a one hundred year old man. The meeting was led by an elder Scotsman with twenty-three years of sobriety. He told part of his story for half an hour and then pulled questions out of the basket. He explained the idea of thinking someone else is sicker than oneself to be that we want sometimes to be superior, that our disease hasn't affected us in the worst ways we hear about. The truth of the matter is that, as alcoholics, we sometimes want to be other than we are--and we are selfish. So we project this kind of superiority. Mine comes from fear, my whole life has been a reflection of the fears I hold close. I am, by attending meetings and doing as suggested, slowly able to let go of fears.

Beau had made some delicious chicken gumbo. This is also an eat and meet meeting. I had a small amount as I was going later to R and J's for dinner. Also had some delicious lemon pound cake. I had time to kill so I just hung out in the smoking lounge. I just hung out. Those old behaviors are changing. In the past I would have raced for the door after the end of the meeting.

When I got to R and J's I noticed how pretty the courtyard is becoming after the management had torn down some of the large hibuscus plants and chopped some down some large ficus trees R had planted. They have been replaced with smaller plants because the management thinks tall plants are a fire hazard. Whatever. J was making potato salad and bussels sprouts and the grill was fired up for some thick cut pork chops. We watched some Simpsons and when the food was ready took it next door to R's to eat. I love the ritual we have. I get to J's and hang out in the kitchen where we talk about lots of things, cut up and laugh a lot. At R's we watch TiVOed game shows, Millionaire, Jeopardy, old reruns of What's My Line and the awful To Tell the Truth.

After I got home I let Chester out, give him his meds again along with an extra treat. Played on the computer some more. Grabbed him up and put him in bed, did my nightly ritual of teeth brushing, etc., got in bed and read some before turning out the lights and being grateful for my sobriety, a day in which I had all I needed, and no regrets. All in all a fairly uneventful day, but one in which I never had a single thought about having any alcohol. A day where I could be of service, take care of me and just enjoy myself. Pretty simple things all in all.

3 comments:

dAAve said...

sober.
simple.
sane.


(and, you're over 50)

doughgirl said...

Scott

You always seem so serene. I can only hope someday that I will get that. For now I just keep trudging along.
You blog is the one I read last every night because it is just so relaxing. Thanks for sharing again :)
Oh and I did the flickr thing. No pics on the blog yet, but thanks for the help :) :)

jimg said...

Who ever said that sobriety was boring. That sounds like a perfectly wonderful day.