Today I am grateful that last night I laid my head on the pillow with no regrets. And I fell asleep sober.
The last dream I had this morning was one in which I was with a friend's brother, driving through a downtown area at 8:50 PM. Knowing the liquor stores close at 9 PM I was anxious for him to find a place where I could get a bottle. He was unable to find one until after closing time and then he was stopping many times to take photographs. I was getting more and more annoyed. And then the dream shifted...
I was in an apartment filled with stuff and think I was house sitting and baby sitting the tenants nephew, as he was there after a while. But before he arrived I searched the place up and down and finally found a bottle of scotch. I detest the taste of scotch. It is like licking cologne off a sweaty person's neck. In the dream I struggled with leaving the bottle alone, but also craving it badly. I didn't want to drink in front of the b-o-y, but eventually I took that drink.
Then I was awake in my own bed, here, and confused at first. Had I actually taken a drink of alcohol? No. I knew I hadn't. But I had this nagging feeling of wanting to. It was a subtle feeling, but it was serious in its presence. I sat on the edge of my bed and said my usual prayer upon rising, "Thank you for the blessings of this day and for keeping me sober." Actually, I said it twice just to make sure.
I had that dull sense dreams often leave me with, a sense of the world being a little askew from normal. But sitting here writing about it has made that sense ease away.
I am grateful that I seriously do not crave a drink. Or have the desire to get drunk. That doesn't mean my disease is taking a break. It means I stay diligent to my program of recovery.
12 comments:
To quote Pam, "Sobriety is Exhausting!" I had a drinking dream last night too. I'm grateful it was just a dream. Jenn
Dear A of G,
I know just how you feel, I have been off of a 20+ year drug habbit for 6 years now. It will get better and the dreams (night mares) will fade. I am now well on my way on the last thing to quit! I have been a smoker for 39 years but I just had surgery to have what was left of my teeth removed and dentures put in. I thought that, that would be a good time to stop smoking. I had surgery at 7:00 am on july 10th, I putmy last smoke out 25 minutes before that. I have been smoke free now for 23 days. no cheating, but it has been harder than giving up drugs!. I have faith that you will hold true, and am here if you need a friend. It's not true what they say...people do like quiters!!!!.
Sometimes it's such a relief to wake up!
Enjoy the week end.
Saying your prayers twice -- yes!
Today I woke grateful for the desire to pray at all. Now I'm feeling doubly grateful for the inspiration to turn to God and say, make that a double.
Thanks as always.
That must be a bit like the smoking dreams I have. I am always SO glad to wake up after them. I dreamed last night that Joe, Steph and I were renting an apt in Nashville, top floor w/lots of HUGE windows. I mean like the entire wall on one end was a window. It was bizarre as dreams are but you came to visit. I didn't know you were coming and for some weird reason I couldn't spend time with you. I didn't like that item. I am glad that was a dream for a LOT of reasons.
please do
hmmm I wonder what Brad Pitts neck tastes like?
Dreams are weird. I don't like that yuck feeling upon awakening...when you are not sure.
Usually I just say WTF?
I've had my share of drinking dreams, and I always marvel at them. It's such a nasty feeling, and then when I wake up & realize it was just a dream and I'm still sober, it's such a joyous relief! I need those dreams to remind me that I am still an alcoholic.
Your dream reminded me of what it was like to be at the edge of panic on a Saturday evening, knowing I had to get myself together to dash to the liquor store before they closed, because I didn't have enough gin to last until Monday. Bleh!
It seems to me that your disease is fumbling if it picked booze you don't even like!
wow..that was a detailed post of your dream..guess it was such a detailed dream.Makes waking up more interesting huh?
Thanks for sharing.
Heck, I had a dream-a-drunk about a year ago, then worked all day, until my meeting time that night. And I really didn't want to go, because I knew I'd have to tell them I "went out" after all those years!
My wife had to reassure me that I really did NOT get drunk.
Hope your dreams were sweeter last night sweetie.
I went to bed with a regret last nite... I can take care of it though, and will do so today.
thx
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