11.29.07

Your attitude can be based on the weather, the amount of traffic congestion, the way people treat you, or a whole lot of other things. Or, your attitude can be exactly what you choose for it to be.
When you turn your attitude over to other people or to random circumstances, it's going to be volatile, undependable and not very productive. By contrast, when you choose your own attitude, independent of what's happening around you, then you set yourself up to make swift and positive progress. ~Ralph Marston

Well, it's the next day. It's today all over again! I love it that AA taught me that. We have permission not to stare at tomorrow and not to regret yesterday.

Yesterday I was up early and we (Randall and Jim and I) were at the hospital by 5:30. Luckily, I was in the first group scheduled for surgery. As I was lying on my bed in the pre-surgery area I was struck by all the young, smiling doctors as they each did their work and interacted with each other. I commented several times that it was nice to see everyone was smiling. My cuteness anesthesiologist was among them and he was the nicest, friendliest and caring person. And my nurses, Miss Thomas (from Karala, India) and Luce were divine. I was wheeled into the operating theatre at 8:20 AM and I was struck by all the high tech equipment. (Bill asked if I was expecting a Civil War surgical area! HA! I did a painting recently based on a place like that, see if you can find it.) I said to the staff how nice it was that they did all that for me.

My doctor came through, smiling, and shook my hand. Then the anesthesiologist placed an oxygen mask on me and said I would soon be asleep, I had a real experience of claustrophobia and a little panic. But then I was out like a light. But not after nurse Ruth propped up my legs to help my back stay straight.

I woke six hours later. The surgery took four hours and they did not have to invade the mastoid bones (Thank YOU God!). They reconstructed my eardrum with fascia from the muscle, attached a plastic piece to the bone that conducts from the eardrum, and replaced the middle hearing bone, cleaned out all the scar tissue left from all those infections and put me back together. When I woke, of course, there was the intense sore throat from the stomach tube and ventilator. It's still very sore today. I slept a little bit. The doctor came in with Randall (so he could remember for me) and then when it was time for me to pee, OUCH!!!, the catheter was gone but not forgotten! Wow. That's a whole lotta pain there. It's getting better.

They also gave me this lovely gauze creation around my head. Like a lop sided Princess Leia headpiece covering my left ear. And how amazing is this? I get to remove it today. Now, so since they hinged open my left ear, and the left side is the side I sleep on, it has been up and down for me all night. Hard to find a resting place.

I have to tell you this has been such an excellent exercise in turning all this over to my Higher Power. The Higher Power of MY understanding. A reason for constant gratitude. Even at that second where I was a bit panicky. I saw, months ago when I was asked if I was able to think about having this surgery, that it was the time to let all my past fears about it go. The time was right. I saw it as being successful, as being finished. That is what comes from practicing prayers of gratitude. Never asking, only appreciating. Seeing things at their fruition. A firm and peaceful trust in always being cared for.

When you thank God in advance for that which you choose to experience in your reality, you, in effect, acknowledge that it is there...in effect. Thankfulness is thus the most powerful statement to God; an affirmation that even before you ask, I have answered. page11, Conversations with God

Thank you for all your healing thoughts, your trust that God would take care of me. Believe me when I tell you when I was in the hospital I thought of all of you and it was a great comfort to know I am loved.