I was in bed last night before 10:00, I was tired and not interested in entertaining myself by the usual means. I was a bit itchy ( I suffer from psoriasis) and Bunny was itchy too (he has some allergies), so it was a bit restless for both of us. We got up at 6AM, I made coffee (fresh ground Starbux beans) and did my prayer and meditations. Got dressed and was at Lambda at 7:20. I did all the QuickBooks imput for the week's deposit and went to the 8:30 meeting.
Today's topic was Serenity: What do you do to get it and keep it. I was sitting there and got light headed from the new medications I am not getting accustomed to. I wanted to pick up and trot home, but I decided to wait it out. I often wait things out these days. It's one of the things I do to try to keep my serenity. Also prayer and meditation, keeping my lifestyle as simple as possible. Add to that a constant practice of letting go and turning things over to my Higher Power which has let me develop a TRUST that I will be taken care of. Thus my life is fairly serene and comfortable. I still get squirrelly, but girl, it's not like it used to be.
I have been praying and meditating lately on who to ask to be my new sponsor. I love my old sponsor, I am just not getting from him what I need. And I need someone I see on a fairly regular basis. Anyway, it has been between two people and the other night I had a dream that one of them was my sponsor and we were at a meeting. I told this person I dreamt about him and that we were at a meeting (I did not mention the sponsor thing) and he said "That wasn't a dream." Lately I have been paying close attention to what he shares, and his serenity, depth of program and sense of humor are keen. Plus the last three times I have seen him we have hugged. I asked to be shown clearly who to ask and I think I have been shown.
At breakfast this morning a dear friend looked at me and said "You know you have changed? You are a different person than when you came in the first time." And I am. That little confirmation takes me a great distance. It made me teary (that is not new, I tear up at the slightest things) and when I do I know my heart is expanding and I am FEELING FEELINGS.
On the way home I stopped by Candylicious. What a treat! Visually it's stunning, so much to see. The clerk on the ladder beside the front door said hello and I couldn't see him, there is so much going on. Anyway, they have retro candies, Pez of all kinds and lots of fun stuffs. I got some delightful Oralfixation mints, this style is called Night Light and it is caffeinated chia mint. yummy It comes in a chic black matte tin and looks like a RAZR phone. So since I can't afford a RAZR I can hold my mints up to my ear when I walk into any establishment and everyone will know--I have got it GOING ON!
Now it's nap time and it's not even yet noon, but I get to do what I want today.
Today's topic was Serenity: What do you do to get it and keep it. I was sitting there and got light headed from the new medications I am not getting accustomed to. I wanted to pick up and trot home, but I decided to wait it out. I often wait things out these days. It's one of the things I do to try to keep my serenity. Also prayer and meditation, keeping my lifestyle as simple as possible. Add to that a constant practice of letting go and turning things over to my Higher Power which has let me develop a TRUST that I will be taken care of. Thus my life is fairly serene and comfortable. I still get squirrelly, but girl, it's not like it used to be.
I have been praying and meditating lately on who to ask to be my new sponsor. I love my old sponsor, I am just not getting from him what I need. And I need someone I see on a fairly regular basis. Anyway, it has been between two people and the other night I had a dream that one of them was my sponsor and we were at a meeting. I told this person I dreamt about him and that we were at a meeting (I did not mention the sponsor thing) and he said "That wasn't a dream." Lately I have been paying close attention to what he shares, and his serenity, depth of program and sense of humor are keen. Plus the last three times I have seen him we have hugged. I asked to be shown clearly who to ask and I think I have been shown.
At breakfast this morning a dear friend looked at me and said "You know you have changed? You are a different person than when you came in the first time." And I am. That little confirmation takes me a great distance. It made me teary (that is not new, I tear up at the slightest things) and when I do I know my heart is expanding and I am FEELING FEELINGS.
On the way home I stopped by Candylicious. What a treat! Visually it's stunning, so much to see. The clerk on the ladder beside the front door said hello and I couldn't see him, there is so much going on. Anyway, they have retro candies, Pez of all kinds and lots of fun stuffs. I got some delightful Oralfixation mints, this style is called Night Light and it is caffeinated chia mint. yummy It comes in a chic black matte tin and looks like a RAZR phone. So since I can't afford a RAZR I can hold my mints up to my ear when I walk into any establishment and everyone will know--I have got it GOING ON!
Now it's nap time and it's not even yet noon, but I get to do what I want today.
3 comments:
Hey Scott
I hope you're feeling better today. :-/
"Today's topic was Serenity: What do you do to get it and keep it." - I could do with that kind of stuff on a daily basis sometimes.
Take it easy, mate.
You are soo sweet Scott.
hope you and Bunny had a good nap and enjoy your treats
Hi Scott. Sounds like you are taking v good care of yourself with the sponsor thing. But I just thought id share with you what I did, and what I tell new people who are looking for sponsors. I tell them to ask (their higher power) to be guided to the very BEST sponsor that they can have, to be guided to the very BEST meetings for THEM, and to be guided to the very BEST way of working the programme for THEM. That's what I did, and it worked for me. I think I got a GREAT deal. But it's probably impossible to be truly objective when describing ones own recovery! I actually don't have a sponsor now. I rely on the (non alcoholic) spiritual people I know outside AA. AA is my grass roots 'community' spirituality, and teaches me humility and tolerance, but I look for the 'answers' outside AA. God speaks to me through people in meetings, sure. But then I think god speaks through everyone, all the time. I've been very lucky and met one or two very cool non alcoholic spiritual types, and I naturally gravitate to them. Not for identification, but for the stunning peace of mind I experience when I am in their company. I see things very differently when in the company of people with a VERY low neurosis level. It shows me a lot of things about life and myself. It can be frustrating if I end up feeling that they just don't see the world the way I do. (Always inclined towards judgment of others, constantly having to restrain the impulse to judge or dismiss). I become very aware of my negative tendencies in comparison to their mindset. But on the whole its a very positive influence, and shows me how much I take my negativity for granted. A good kick up the backside really.. I suppose what im trying to say is that I don't think anyone should feel restrained or dependent on anything, including AA. Or sponsors. Nothing wrong with them, but I don't think they are absolutely necessary. And I don't think that guidance from aa is necessary either. Guidance is everywhere, and there are some very cool people around, living along spiritual lines. Ive been doing it this way for ages (over 10 yrs) now, and never feel like drinking or think about drinking, so I don't feel bad suggesting this approach. You seem like a fairly responsible person, so I think you would be alright without an official sponsor in aa. But its very personal, and if you prefer the aa sponsor route, then by al means stick with it. Im just telling you I have tried something else for a long time now, and I am actually a pretty happy and well adjusted individual. But then I never thought aa was something you just did in meetings, I have always seen it as a 24hr job. Anyway better go before I end up writing far too much. !!! Once I get started I cant stop! Have a nice weekend!.....
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