What is God's will and what is my will? My daily prayer is to thank God for showing me the Divine Will and granting me the power to carry that out. But lately there has been a big (financial) issue in my life, an issue with two sides of equal weight. I hold one in the left hand and one in the right hand and look at them and try to figure out which way to go. They are both of equal weight and I cannot decide. As soon as I decide to walk away from the situation, something happens in a positive direction and encourages me to hang on.
Something I am trying to develop is trust that I will be provided for, as I have for all these years, and there is that damned nagging voice that says '...what if...'. I just keep trudging forward trusting that I will be shown the next right thing and that my will not supercede God's.
I guess the bottom line is: practice, practice, practice.
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It's so hard for me to do what you're describing, especially when it comes to money. It's been years of practice, and I still have a long way to go. I guess I still have problem with the actions at times, but I will say that over time the "feeling" that all will be okay no matter what has become much stronger in me. If it helps, look to others in the program and ask them for their experiences. That helps me to trust, when I see it has worked for them.
I have such trouble with this, too. Before my meeting with the V.A. about my finances I was a wreck. I felt like I had turned it over more than I ever had before, but still I had turned it over just a little. I know that it will take more practice.
Things I've heard that describe what I do:
I turn it over and I take it back and I turn it over and I take it back and I turn it over and I take it back, etcetera, etcetera, ad infinitum.
Everything I've let go and given to God has claw marks on it.
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Glad you're aware of it. If acceptance is the key, awareness is the flashlight on the keyring. Without awareness, I cannot work on anything. It's truly one of the biggest gifts I've gotten from this program.
Scott, Just keep praying and God will send you an answer. Listen hard, because it usually comes in a still small voice.
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