Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of the men actually joined in.
One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!" he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said "Carry on, ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding Captain Happy in his hand. "Oh, good grief," said Ethel, "Not the breathalyzer again!"
________________________________________
A man died and went to heaven. St Peter asked, "What denomination are you?" and the man said "I don't belong here, I didn't go to church". St Peter said "Well, we don't make mistakes, you belong here, lets just walk around and you can see where you'd like to stay."
So they walked down the hall and St Peter opened a door. There were many pews with people kneeling and praying and crossing themselves. "Who are they?" asked the man. "Those are the Catholics" answered St Peter. "Well, I don't want to stay here" said the man and they walked on down the hall.
St Peter opened the next door. Inside were many pews with people sitting straight up staring straight ahead. "Who are they" asked the man. "Those are the Protestants" answered St Peter. "Well, I don't want to stay here" said the man, and they walked down the hall.
The next room they came to, St Peter opened the door a big smell of coffee came out. The man looked inside and there were all these people laughing and hugging, then they got in a big group hug and said the Serenity Prayer. The man said "I like these people, who are they?" St Peter said "I don't know, they won't tell us."
Anonymity in Heaven?
About Me
There are two dogs inside, the one you feed is the one that grows.
5 comments:
I bet Ethel joins that last group. Thank God Lambda is wheelchair accessible.
I remember the woman in Mother's nursing home that thought she owned the place, would complain about everyone leaving the lights on and how she was tired of paying such high electric bills. She also took inventory of her purse, saying the silliest things about itemss, such as kitkat wrappers, etc. Mother and I used to laugh and laugh at her. That was when she still knew who I was and where she was. That didn't last long though however. It wasn't long after she entered the nursing home that the ALS and demincia (ex sp)took her from us. She was still there in body form, but she had no idea who we were nor what was going around about her. I remember the days that she and I laughed at that woman, Mother would write on her pad funny things, that was how we communicated in those last days that she knew me. Eight years later (after not knowing me or my siblings) she finally passed. It was 6 years ago today at 4:30pm. It was a relief to us that she was finally free of the body and the disease that kept her captive, but it was still hard to say goodbye. But God did allow her to hear my last words to her......"I will see you in Heaven." She then passed and I believe is now singing and laughing in Heaven as we speak. Today has been a hard day for me but I am grateful for her mothering, her friendship and the beauty that she brought into a room. I can only hope that I can be half the loving mother to my kids that she was to us. I remember her telling me once that the most thing that she missed having was a cup of coffee. I miss her greatly but she lives on in my heart, that of my brothers and is always with my family.
So here's to you Mom. Job well done in raising wonderful, productive children while dealing w/a difficult situation while we were growing up. I love you, I admire you, and I know that you now know just how much you did for me.
Thank you!
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