A Fiver and a Nooner

I must admit I was feeling a bit out of sorts today. Nothing specific, just an underlying agitation. I headed out the door this morning knowing I had a five dollar bill. I had taken it and some change out of the jeans I wore yesterday so I knew I had it. I stopped at the Kolache Shop for some breakfast and when I got out of the car I felt in my pocket and all that was there were some coins. Well, I knew I would have to go to the ATM today anyway so I got back in the car and drove through the parking lot to the Randall's Flagship grocery, went in and retrieved forty dollars using my secret personal identification number. Picked up two sausage and cheese kolaches and was on my way. I figured I had either dropped the fiver somewhere before I left the house and would either find it later or it was gone.

I pulled up in front of Lambda for the 12:15 meeting and when I released my seat belt I felt something in my shirt pocket. It was the five dollar bill I couldn't find earlier, so yea!, it wasn't lost after all. Grabbed a bottle of water out of the back seat, made sure I had some cherry cough drops in my pocket, grabbed my cigarettes and went inside. By this time that feeling of agitation must have lifted a bit because I don't remember having that 'I don't want to go to a meeting today' feeling I get every so often. Pleasantries were exchanged all around, like usual. After hugging Martha she told me she was recovering from the flu, so I went to the rest room to wash my hands, but there was no water.

I hung out in the smoking lounge for a bit before I went into the meeting room to take my usual seat. Sitting there my hands seemed like they were getting dirtier and more germ laden, so I got up and went to the water cooler and soaked a paper towel to wash off with. There was probably no way this cleaned my hands, but I felt better about the whole thing.

I settled back into my chair. The meeting started with William reading the preamble, a moment of silence and then the serenity prayer. The Wednesday noon meeting is a speaker meeting, someone tells their story about what it was like, what happened and what it is like now. Josie told us her story. It was all our story, just different details. She told it with lots of humor and a genuine love of sobriety. Next month whe will have thirty years sober.

I love to hear different versions of my own story. All of us in that room have reached a bottom of sorts. Some of us will still have to hit a lower place. Most of us have had some struggle in achieving a sober lifestyle. All of us have experienced some change. Some of us are happy, some are sad, some of us love our lives and some struggle daily. The one thing I always experience in the noon meetings at Lambda is the love alcoholics have for each other. It's one of the main things that has allowed me to get and stay sober for fifteen months. I now feel a part of, not apart from. I see daily that the program works, if you work it.

Today I was chosen to close the meeting. I chose the Serenity Prayer. It captures, for me, the true essence of the program. Acceptance of things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference. I went to Josie to thank her for sharing her story and to give her a hug and she said 'You have a great smile.' I didn't even realize I was smiling. What little agitation I was carrying around this morning had vanished.