Baby, it's cold outside

There used to be a time when I would return to work on a Monday morning and co-workers would comment on how cold it had been over the weekend. I never said anything, but I could not remember it being cold at all. The combination of the heat generated by my prolonged use of alcohol and having been drunk all weekend, or sleeping off a binge, kept me unawares of the outside world. In those days I could be sitting at my desk and start sweating profusely, for apparently no reason. I kept the air conditioner on sub-zero in warmer weather and never lit the heater when it got cold. My old apartment was well insulated and the heater seemed to hang by a thread on my bedroom wall, it just seemed to be a good idea to NOT have the pilot light lit. I did, after a while, get an electric space heater for the bathroom, and when it got too chilly I would turn on the electric stove for some heat. Those were some sick times.

Today, without the heat of alcohol keeping my internal fires turned to maximum, I get cold easily. I now have central heat/air conditioning. My little place isn't as well insulated as my old cave and the cold radiates off the porcelain floors. I'll take what I have today, any day, over what I had in the past.

The program of AA has taught me how to forgive myself, live for this moment and take daily strides towards a rich and fulfilling life. I do not dwell in the past. Oh, I remember it well, but have no desire to repeat it. I have learned how to be honest with myself and others. I have been freely given a simple program of recovery to stave off the coldness the world sometimes tries to impose upon me. I have learned to take direction from those who have worked the steps and found a better life.

It's all good.