Speaker Meetings and Other Ramblings

I love speaker meetings. I used to like them because there was less time for group discussion, thus less chance I would be called upon to share. But now I see it not only gives me a chance to get to know more about another alcoholic, but it reminds me of what brought me through the doors of AA. And I need to be reminded of those times, not to relive them, not to regret them, but to keep me aware that my disease is swimming underneath the surface like a hungry shark. And I hate sharks. Their eyes are so cold and they never stop the hunt. Today Jamie told us of her feelings during her active using, and she wondered just how much was she willing to suffer through. Willing to suffer. I also need to hear from others of their love of the program as it reinforces my resolve that the program really works. It astounds me to hear another person's version of my story.

I am not a Christmas person, I do not get excited by all the hoopla surrounding the holiday. This will be my third sober Christmas, my second sober New Years. Living sober makes me grateful and satisfies me. I don't need much, and I don't expect Santa to bring me anything. If he does manage to find me I will be in Waco. Waco is one of the most depressing winter landscapes I have ever seen. Everything is the same height, all the houses look like something out of King of the Hill, and the land is gray. I will be there with my ex partner Randall, his partner Jim and all of R's family. His mother, Edie, adopted me years ago and the rest of his family stands by her side. I love Edie. She is just a country girl full of love and humor. R is her only child and she says she always wanted three boys and now she has them. So that means I have four families; my sister (in KY) and brother (in TN), my Waco family, my tight group of old friends and my AA family. Pretty lucky, huh?

So, other than the above, today I am grateful:

• for Lambda Center. If you are an alcoholic this is the place to get and stay sober, especially if you are gay or lesbian. And of course we welcome straight people, and many attend our meetings. Everyone is welcome as is the tradition of AA.
• for all the people that stir the pot, which ultimately brings us closer together
• that I had four people in my smart town apartment yesterday, unplanned, and I didn't freak out about the fact that they might judge me on the mess...because that is none of my business
• to wonder how primitive man survived the cold without electric blankets
• that the cold weather will get rid of a lot of mosquitoes and fleas, some of God's more hideous creations
• to have been allowed the gift of time these past 401 days to concentrate on changing old behaviors
• for Martha Stewart's holiday message where she addresses the problem of addiction regarding the women in prison that were involved in drug taking, "They would be much better served in a true rehabilitation center than in prison". Read more at www.marthatalks.com
• for the Ghirardelli chocolate from my friend and landlady Mary

Took this little quiz and I am light cyan. Who knew?

you are lightcyan #E0FFFF

Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well. Your saturation level is very low - you have better things to do than jump headfirst into every little project. You make sure your actions are going to really accomplish something before you start because you hate wasting energy making everyone else think you're working. Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.

the spacefem.com html color quiz